Lost Memories
by Terrahfry
Summary: Slash- M/M. Phil's losing sleep over his lost love Morrison & Adam's losing sanity over losing Jeff. Both Heartbroken & lonely, will they be able to find comfort? Punk/Mor, Matt/Jeri, Jeff/Edge, Randy/Jeff/Miz, Punk/Edge. AU, OOC.
1. Ghost of a Rose

**This just sorta started writing itself so I've just been letting it. It's once again foreign territory, but I'm becoming brave to step into it more and more. Phil's (yes, Punk) losing sleep over his lost lover Morrison and Adam's losing sanity over Jeff. Both heartbroken and lonely, will they be able to find comfort? Flashbacks to Phil/Mor and Jeff/Adam. Matt/Jeri, Jay/Evan, Randy/Jeff (gasps) Total AU, OOC, non-wrestling, language, angst, sex as usual, drinking. Phil, Mor, Matt, Chris, Adam, Jeff, Randy, Maria, Mickie, Jay, Evan in my cast so far. Let's see; Adam & Mor bottoms. Jeff tops just Adam, Randy and Matt are ultimate tops. **_**Italics **_**are dreams or memories/thoughts.**

**I own nothing, not making cash!**

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Lost Memories;  
Chapter one/ 'Ghost of a Rose'  
Rated; M/ L, (drinking)**

_**"Promise me, when you see, a white rose you'll think of me  
I love you so,  
Never let go,  
I will be your ghost of a rose..." Ghost of a Rose, Blackmore's Night.**_

He stared at his reflection in the mirror that hung on the wall before him. Bags had formed under his tired olive eyes. He was thinner than usual. Sleeping less. Having more nightmares than usual. All clouded. Jaded. Hard to understand. Yet so damn clear. Clear and indisputable, yet he didn't want to understand.

It took him awhile to realize his name was being called.

"Phil..? Phil, you with us?"

Phil, as he was known, turned to look at the man who said it. Matt Hardy. His long dark hair framing his face, free-flowing for once rather than pinned back in the usual pony-tail. Hardy's dark eyes stared at him quizzically.

"Yo, Brooks, the least you could do is once in awhile give us some sign you're alive, since you insist on being all mopey all the damn time."

That loud-mouthed remark came from Matt's other, Chris Irvine. His short blond hair poking up in the front, making him look like a porcupine had sat on his head. Matt elbowed his lover in the ribs and Chris grunted.

"What?"

"You know what. Now hush."

Chris shrugged. "Well?"

Matt clinched his teeth. "Shut up, Chris."

Phil cracked a dry smirk and shook his head, making strings of onyx hair fall in front of his eyes.

"Guys, really, I'm fine." Phil placed his hands on the top of the table stand that stood against the wall underneath the mirror. Careful not to knock over the vase of roses that sat on top of it.

"We're sorry, Phil.. We're just concerned is all.. I mean, it's been.." Matt stopped, but Phil finished.

"Six months. It's been six months, Matt." Phil reminded, looking up into the mirror with just his eyes.

Matt nodded and swallowed thickly. "So, you coming out with us tonight?"

"No." The ravenette said simply.

Chris was shifting anxiously on the balls of his feet. "You sure? You're killing yourself over this, y'know. I mean, I don't giv'a damn about that Straightedge bullshit, Brooks, this shit is killing you faster than any drink ever could."

"I'm perfectly aware of my health status, Chrissy. I'm fine. I said I was fine and I am."

Matt sighed, apparently denial was a much better place to dwell in. "Okay then. Remember we're always here for you, okay?" Matt patted his friend on the shoulder sympathetically before escorting his sometimes inconsiderate lover out the door.

"Why'd you have to run your mouth like that?" Matt asked after they both got inside the car.

"Me? I was just stating the facts, Matthew. Phil's going to Hell in an hand-basket." He snapped his seat belt as did Matt.

"Yeah, well.. He's just still hung up over Mor." Matt replied softly, starting up the car engine.

"Well, I wish he'd let it go. Can't hold onto it forever. Plus he reminds me too much of Adam." Chris huffed, folding his arms as Matt pulled out and onto the road.

"That's way different, Chrissy. Adam and Jeff broke up.. Mor just.." Matt sighed, still not understanding himself. "I dunno anymore."

"Adam and Jeff didn't just break up. Your little brother dumped Adam. Just steamrolled over his poor heart."

Matt sighed again. "I wish you wouldn't do that shit. This isn't easy on me, y'know."

"That your best friend is suffering because of your baby brother?" Chris challenged.

"I don't speak for Jeff, Chrissy. I wouldn't of had them break up for the world based on the hell it's put me through alone. Adam always crying to me. Why can't he cry to you or Jay for a change?" Really he was just tired of feeling like Adam thought Matt could do something about it. He was tired of feeling responsible for the whole thing.

"We're not his keeper." Chris knew that was a lie. Jay and Chris had always been Adam's keeper and always would be.

"Neither am I."

"Well, someone has to be. Adam's gonna drink himself into a damn coma."

"Schmuck's just heartbroken and lonely.. It has to pass one day, right?" It was more statement than question.

"Speaking of the little rainbow haired heartbreaker; Where has Jeffers been?" Chris asked, flipping the visor's mirror down and checking his reflection. Making sure there were no food in his teeth. Feeling satisfied, he flipped it closed and gazed toward Matt who had been rather quiet.

"I dunno." Matt stared straight forward, ignoring the feeling of Chris' blue eyes searching him for answers. He knew what Chris was thinking. Matt did know and he just didn't want to face the facts; His sweet little baby brother was out on the town, sleeping with almost anything with a dick to fill whatever void that plagued him. Chris wanted to tell him his brother was a cheating whore who didn't think Adam was good enough. Matt knew he'd never admit it. They neither one would out loud. But they both knew it was true.

"I just hope he doesn't show up. Adam doesn't need that." Chris finally stated after another uncomfortable silence.

"They neither one do." Matt said quietly.

Chris sighed loudly.

"What?" Matt looked over at him for a second. A flash from a streetlight over the blonde's face showed his disdain in the darkness. "Don't do that. Fucking break-up hurt Jeff too.. it's why he's.."

Chris cocked his eye, wondering if Matt's stubbornness would finally allow him to say it. Finally come to terms with what Jeff had become.

"Why he ain't been right." Matt said instead.

Chris shook his head and looked out the window into the dark. Lights from the streets of the city shown their way. So ominous and glitzy at the same time. "Least we don't have to worry about Phil drinking himself to death like Adam, eh?" He said watching the moon follow them.

"Nope. He'll die from lack of sleep and worry first." Matt turned on the radio, hoping to sway the conversation to something else. Some commercial for car insurance was on instead.

"That's not much more comforting, you know?" Chris pointed out.

"I know."

--xx--

Phil picked up the ring off his dresser. Out of its little black velvet box. It had been a promise ring he gave to Morrie. Another thing just left behind without a reason or why.

He turned the ring as he held it between his fingers, letting the light shine off it.

_"I got you something."_

_"Oh, really? What is it?"_

_"You have to come and get it."_

Phil closed his eyes, allowing himself to fall into the memory.

_Mor chased him around the house, Phil held the black velvet box above his head as Johnny reach for it. Wrestling him down. The brunette giggled as he tried to get the velvet box from his wily lover._

_"Gimme, Philly, you're not being very fair." Morrison whined, still grappling playfully with the slightly older male, making them both topple over onto the bed._

_Phil chuckled. "What'd ya give me, doll?" He was on his back, box held above his head still._

_Mor smiled sweetly and leaned over him, pressing his lips to Phil's and kissing him. Phil smiled under it, his freehand coming up to run through Mor's long brown hair. So soft. So heavenly to the touch. Phil pretended not to notice John coyly reaching for the box before snatching it away. He raised up and held the box tightly._

_"Ha!" Mor proclaimed triumphantly as he bounded over to the other end of the bed._

_"Hey, not fair." Phil 'pouted'._

_"All's fair in love and little black boxes, lover." Mor grinned, his tongue curling up out of his mouth as he opened the box. His face instantly melting to complete awe as he saw the little gold band. "Ohh, Philly, it's beautiful." He said taking the band out of its slot in the box and examining it._

_"S'a promise ring. I want the world to know you're mine. Always." Phil said warmly, wrapping his arms around Johnny from behind as he sat on his knees on the bed. Nuzzling his face against Mor's neck. Breathing him in as if it'd be the very last time. _

_Mor stared at the gorgeous ring, unshed tears sitting behind his soft chocolate eyes. "Awe, Philly. I love it." He turned in his lover's arms and hugged him tightly. "I love you so much."_

Phil rubbed his hand over his face, sitting the ring back down into the velvet box before trudging over to his bed. None of this shit made any sense anymore.

Phil laid down on his side and wrapped up in the covers, vaguely aware that he was still in his clothes and not caring. He didn't know why he was even entertaining the idea of this sleep thing at all. He knew that whenever he closed his eyes all he saw was his Morrison. It was a losing battle. It had been six months now and Phil hadn't been happy since. It was way too late to dwell on it now. There was nothing he could have done. Phil yawned, letting his heavy eyes close for a second. Just a second or two. That's all.

_Phil watched himself walking down the hallway, passing the off-white colored walls and ignoring the pictures of himself and John hanging on them as well as the ones of family and friends. As well as all the home interior decorations Mor had put up and the vase with the roses in it. Phil bumped into it and for a brief moment his heart caught in his chest as he watched it tilt and tumble off the stand, crashing down to the floor. He saw the red flowers bounce as they landed, the clear vase shattering on impact. The water pooling out onto the floor and splashing onto the walls. _

_Phil blinked and the roses were suddenly not on the ground as a major mess to be cleaned up, but they were still sitting on the stand. Untouched and untainted. _

_The raven-haired man groaned tiredly and ran his hands over his face. Noticing the sound of the bathroom water running. He could've swore he hadn't heard it a second ago, but he also could've swore a second ago that the vase with the pretty roses had leapt of the table stand to their untimely death. _

_Phil looked up toward the bedroom door. The one he shared with Johnny. Just a little ways down the hall, third door on the right. It was half open, a dim light falling out into the floor of the darkened hallway. Calling to Phil. Urging him forward. He didn't know why he felt like walking to the light was a death sentence. Into the same room he entered every night. The same room he shared with his lover and the same room he held him in while they slept. While they made love._

_Phil swallowed and tightened his fists at his sides, placing one foot in front of the other slowly as he made his way towards the room. The water getting louder as he approached. Almost deafening. Like it was right in his ears. In his head. Phil's stomach was twisted in knots, his heart clinching in unexplainable anxiety. He didn't want to walk into the room. He wanted to turn and run from it. Run out of the house and forget..._

_But he knew he couldn't. He had to go in that room. Be damned what he find._

_Phil placed his hands on the door, the water drowning out his thoughts. Splattering and pounding in his head. Taking a deep breath, Phil shakily opened the door and walked in, turning his attention to the other door he'd have to get passed. The bathroom door. It was wide open, the overhead light spilling out into the dark bedroom. Phil closed his eyes, biting down on his lip piercing. Now or never. It had to be done. _

_Phil felt his way, passing the threshold of the door. The water was rushing madly, gushing out onto the floor below the tub. The steam from the water making the bathroom stuffy and humid. Making him feel like he couldn't breath. He was dying. He was slowly dying. That's what it was. He had to open his eyes, but he didn't want to. He knew what he'd see if he did._

_Suddenly a hand grabbed his and Phil opened his eyes.. _

--xx--

The club was already packed by the time Chris and Matt got there. They got in pretty easy. Course it helped when you knew the owner like they did. Night 13 was founded by the town billionaire's daughter, Stephanie McMahon and her husband at the time, Hunter Hearst Hemsley. Hunter wasn't exactly what anyone would call the well-rounded type. In fact he was a bad boy in his younger days and even headed a gang called Degeneration-X. No one knew what Stephanie saw in the big blond brute. Some say it was just to ruffle her daddy, Vincent Kennedy McMahon's, feathers. Either way, the two met, dated, married and she dished out enough money for Hunter and herself to start up the nightclub.

Oddly enough after Hunter's old DX running mate, Shawn Michaels, came back into town and Stephanie caught Hunter cheating on her with his old friend (who Hunter had given a job to as a bartender) the marriage was put on ice and ended in a nasty divorce. The assets were split and divided and to put an end to a boring story; Steph is still a spoiled daddy's girl and Hunter got to keep his nightclub. Stephanie still reaps profits, but as long as Hunter gets to keep and run the club, he's happy.

Chris used to work waiting tables at the club which is how he knew Hunter and also how he met the heartbreaking Hardy brothers, Matt and Jeff. Matt was a regular at the club and would sneak his younger brother in. Chris hadn't fell for Matt immediately. In fact at first he thought he was too much of a stubborn prick. And Jeff was just a flirting harlot looking for the next man to eat. One of Chris' best friends, Adam, also worked the club. He fell head over heels for Jeff and Jeff soon has his emerald eyes set on Adam and his black painted fingernails dug into blonde.

Matt fell for Chris. Hard. Immediately. He spent the better part of that year chasing the blonde male until finally Chris gave in and agreed to go out with him. He learned Matt was not so much a prick (he was still stubborn as hell, but Chris found that to be an enduring quality) and sparks soon flew between the two them. Jeff knew Phil from high-school, they hung out some here and there, but Phil found himself closer to Matt than Jeff. And the Hardys were fond of Phil's long-time boyfriend, John Morrison.

Matt had Chris, Jeff had Adam, Phil had Mor, and about a year ago Jay (Adam's adopted brother) met Evan. Everything seemed so damn perfect. Their family was whole. That was.. Until..

"See blondie and Jay-Jay anywhere?" Chris asked as they made their way through the dancers.

"Not yet. Jay said they'd be here." Matt replied as they searched the room. Matt pointed when a slender arm waved them over to a table. A bright smile was attached to it.

"Matt, Chrissy! Over here!" The voice belonged to Maria Kannelis, the girlfriend of Mickie James who was also a good friend of Matt's.

"Great, the ditz is here." Chris muttered in sarcasm.

"Watch your mouth, Chris." Matt grabbed his lover by the arm, dragging him to the table. Mickie was busy sipping quietly on her drink. Maria was saying something unheard to a small dark-haired male beside her. Evan Bourne, Jay's boyfriend. Jay sat next to a tall downtrodden blonde. His hand placed on his shoulder in attempt to comfort the male.

The blonde just sighed, taking another drink and downing the brownish liquid before slamming the glass down. Matt held the chair for Chris, ignoring the little huff he got for trying to be a gentleman.

"So, Addy, how ya holding up."

The blonde, Adam Copeland, shook his head. "I still feel like total shit, Matt."

"Come on, Adam. It's the weekend. You're out with friends. You're supposed to be having fun." Jay said, rubbing his brother's back.

Adam just continued to shake his head. "I don't wanna have fun." He folded his arms down on the table, plopping his head down in them like he was a kindergartener at quiet time. His eyes were puffy and red from crying.

"I know you miss him, Addy, but I think it's time you moved on. There's other guys out there." Jay continued.

"They're not Jeff." Adam mumbled into his arms.

"Poor little guy." Maria cooed sympathetically. "Hey, we were just telling Adam how we should all go to the lake. We could go boating and fishing."

"Ooh, and water skiing!" Mickie chimed in excitedly.

"And we could camp out and have a cook out and roast marshmallows by the fire. It'll be fun!" The red-head nodded happily.

Chris' blue eyes lit up at the sound of that. "Uhm, marshmallows. Hey, Matty?" He turned to the darker male hopefully.

"No."

"But, you dun even know what Imma say." Chris whined childishly.

"Yes, I do. You want that ooey gooey caramel melt thing and if you get it you'll be all hyper and drive me insane. No." Matt stated in a 'I have put my foot down on the issue' tone.

Chris just stared at the older Hardy before folding his arms. "You're mean to me!"

Matt smirked. "Thought you liked it when I was mean?"

"Not like that, I don't." Chris pouted.

"Awe, poor Chrissy." Matt cooed.

Chris giggled as Matt nuzzled his neck. Adam let out a loud pout, burying his face back in his arms.

"Sorry, Addams." Matt said, feeling guilty.

"S'okay." Adam mumbled, raising his head again. "Glad y'all are having fun."

Matt sighed. "Maybe it really is time you put it behind you, Adam. I mean.."

"He cheated on me, Matt. With Orton. I found out today that he'd been cheating on me with one of my best friends.. I don't get it.. He told me he loved me. He kissed me and made love to me and told me he loved me. He wanted to be with me forever... How could he do this to me..? What'd I do wrong..?" Adam let his head fall into his hands, a sob escaping his lips as his fingers pulled at his hair. He was so confused and torn and he just didn't understand anymore. Adam was lonely and broken and tired.

Matt sat silently. Vacantly staring past Jay as he hushed Adam. Patting on the blonde to calm him down. It was doing zero good. Nothing was. Not anything anyone said. Not alcohol. Not condolence. This would have to pass eventually on its own. Matt knew Adam was in pain. But, it was something Adam would have to feel and let go. Love sucked like that sometimes. Matt knew all too well. He was in love once with a girl. A fiery red-head named Amy Dumas. He lost her to Mickie's ex girlfriend, a beautiful blonde by the name of Trish Stratus. Matt shook his head. It was just one vicious circle after the next.

"Oh, my god. Matt?" Chris shook Matt by the shoulder and Matt looked to see Adam staring straight forward. A horrified look on his face.

Matt turned his head and looked in the way the two Canadian's were to see why. Jeff was dancing with Randy Orton on the dance floor. They were a little too close. Their hips grinding together. Jeff turned and reach back behind him to grab the back of Orton's neck as he rubbed his ass into Randy's crotch. Matt gritted his teeth, watching as Jeff spun back around. His slender hips swaying to the beat as he reach up and wrapped his arms around Randy's neck. Orton's hands went to Jeff's hips, jerking him close as Jeff wiggled against him. Jeff pulled Randy down towards him and Matt paled as he watched them kiss. Sloppily. Distastefully.

The sound of Adam moving to get up brought back the older Hardy's attention. The blonde basically leapt out of the booth and stalked off away from the display. Ignoring Jay and the girl's pleas for him to wait.

"The nerve of your brother." Chris finally spoke.

"Shut up, Chris." Matt sighed, getting up himself and making his way over to his little brother and his new boy toy. He could throttle Jeff right now for this shit. "Jeff, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Matt snapped, jerking Jeff away from Randy.

"Hey, what the fuck are you doing, Hardy?" Randy tried to pry his way between them.

Matt shot him a warning glare. "I wouldn't even try to act like I have a dog in this race, if I were you, Orton. This is between me and my brother."

Randy scoffed and waved them off. "Whatever. I'm going to get us something to drink, Jeff."

Jeff nodded and folded his arms, glaring at his older brother.

"Answer me, Jeff. What the hell are you doing?"

"Dancing. What the hell does it look like?" Jeff shrugged.

"Foreplay." Matt said dryly.

Jeff made an agitated sound and turned to go back to Orton.

Matt's voice stopped him. "How could you do this in front of Adam, Jeff? I get it, you two didn't work out. Life moves on. But, you don't have to continuously rub his face in it. Are you that damn heartless, Jeff?"

Jeff turned back around. "I didn't know he'd be here, Matt. Randy knows Hunter too, y'know. And if you'd kindly excuse me, I'd like to get back to.."

"You're going to leave, Jeff. Go somewhere else." Matt commanded.

"It's a free fucking country, Matthew." Jeff retorted, tossing his hands up in the air in agitation.

"Don't you care about him anymore at all?" Matt asked helplessly.

Jeff looked down at his shoes before looking back up at his brother. "I did."

**

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As with every story, I become increasingly frustrated that I can't put the puzzle pieces of it together. Punk and Edge are not the bad guys. Neither is Jeff really. Matt/Amy/Adam didn't happen, Amy left Matt for Trish in here. Imma just write, I'm not even gonna make excuses or try to explain or apologize for it. But, I was watching some Punk/Mor videos on You Tube and thought 'hey, they are kinda cute'. This is far FAR from how I like Punk written (bratty and tormented). I made him seem (gulps) normal, haha. **

**I think most of this story is even a mystery to me, so... I'm also not too happy with the title and that may change. I'll be honest, I wanted to see if I could turn this into a Phil/Adam fic. So far it's so not cooperating b/c I'm not finding any chemistry between them.. yet.. But, if I made a Cena/Adam scene work, then I can make this work.. right..?**


	2. Nights in White Satin

**Esha Napoleon, thank you, let's see what I can make happen :P I luv miss Jeff and Edge, I still dun think that's it. I think I can make them work. Least Imma try and that's all I can do :) LegacyChick, I know. Bad me (scolds self) I'll get back on them, I promise. And I just said Adam and Phil weren't the bad guys, cuz they usually are in fics. And I said Jeff wasn't really b/c I didn't want it to seem like I was bashing him or anything, b/c I'm not. Actually the two I like just as evil as they can be gotten is Randy and Matt. I dunno what it is about those two, but I go crazy over them when they're bad :P JoMoFan-spot, I dunno. I like new stories. These only happen b/c my Mor and Punk muses are craving attention. I wish Christy would get drafted off ECW. Totally craving a Christian/Edge feud (after a Jeri/Edge feud when Addy comes back, hehe) And would love to see Christian go after Morrison. Really it's not fair to our dear Morrie. I agree. He's proven himself in the WWE, but yet Sheamus just walked in and took the title. Really, not fair. I like my rough hardcore action a little too much, hehe, but I can do fluff. I swear ;) Oh, yes, Addy very cute when somber and pouty. Makes one want to huggle him, XD. Aw, glad I'm missed :) And my mind'll be alright, everything will settle down eventually. Seraphalexiel, Imma little bit more sure that I can make it work now. We'll see how it goes ;) Yeah, yeah, rub it in. (hangs head in shame) takers dark lover, thank you, XD. redsandman99, yeah, it'd be a pretty easy position for Matt to be caught between Jedam if it were the usual way I write them, but in this situation not so much, lol. MagicallyMalicious, well, he's being tortured on the inside :P Awesome, thank you :D P.S. Yeah, that one kinda has me in a trance as well.**

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Lost Memories;  
Chapter two/ 'Nights in White Satin'  
Rated; M/ L, S (major fluff, oral, fingering, anal, fisting, cuddling, caressing, bit of crossdress)**

_Phil looked around to see he was in the bedroom still. And looking toward the bathroom he could tell the door was closed. No more steam. No more water sputtering down onto the floor. Deafening him. The door was closed and the light was off and he was in his room. Their room. His and Mor's room. The bed was made up with white satin sheets, red rose petals were scattered on the sheets and the beige carpeting. Inviting. The room was dim, lighted only by candles that were placed all around the room on stands and the dresser. Some lined the floor around the bed._

_A soft giggle caught his attention and Phil looked down to the hand that held his, seeing a gold promise band on the ring finger. He let his eyes scan up the tanned arm it was attached to all the way to the smiling face of his lover. Johnny flipped his hair away from his face and giggled again._

_"What's a matter, Philly? You look drained."_

_Phil shook his head and took him in. Morrison was wearing white lacy babydoll lingerie that had two lines of rhinestones going up the middle, adding a touch of sparkle to the sexy garment. He looked like a blushing bride on his wedding night. Phil knew Mor wanted to get married someday. And he wanted deeply to marry him. He loved him. Cared for him. Didn't see himself with another ever. But Mor also knew that Phil just wasn't ready for that big of a step. _

_"I know, Philly. But, we could pretend. It doesn't hurt to pretend." Mor whispered softly next to his ear as if he knew what he was thinking. _

_Phil wrapped his arms around his lover's waist, drawing him close and holding to him. Hearing a soft haunting melody fill the air. Magical. Alluring. Phil closed his eyes, taking it all in. _

_**Nights in white satin, never reaching the end,  
Letters I've written, never meaning to send.  
Beauty I'd always missed, with these eyes before.  
Just what the truth is, I can't say anymore.**_

_Their hips swayed gently like they were dancing so very slowly. Lost in the enchantment. Mor's arms came up to wrap around Phil's neck, his head laying on his shoulder._

_"This for me?"_

_Mor pulled back and nodded, gently sucking on his bottom lip. "Me or the atmosphere?"_

_Phil smiled and reach up to touch Johnny's face, loving how soft his skin felt. So youthful and flawless. "Both." He whispered quietly, leaning forward to capture Mor's soft lips in a sweet kiss. Flicking his tongue out to coax his lips parted. Licking at them. Mor moaned as Phil started to nibble gently on his bottom lip, pulling on the tender flesh a bit before kissing next to his mouth and then his cheek. _

_Mor closed his eyes, feeling Phil's lips brush along his neck-line. Stopping to peck him softly as Mor's hands roamed up and down his back. _

_"Philly, please.." Mor murmured as Phil sucked near his collarbone. Nipping just a bit to make the younger male gasp._

_Phil raised his head, reaching up to run his fingers in Morrison's silky hair before tugging his head back and exposing his neck. Phil let his eyes scan him before looking into the warm pleading eyes of John Morrison. So young. So free. So willing._

_"Please, baby.." Mor mumbled as Phil crushed their lips together, devouring his mouth as he backed the brunette up toward the bed._

_Phil laid him down, like a bride on his wedding night. Sitting down beside the flushed brunette and running his hand up his bare leg to his inner thigh. Mor whimpered sweetly, reaching up and grabbing Phil behind the neck and pulling for him to come down. Phil smiled and kissed him again, ghosting fingers along his inner thighs and daring to go closer to his crotch which was stirring to life with every caress. With every burning touch. Mor arched his hips, blushing brightly as Phil rubbed him through his lacy underwear. Phil moved his hand on up under the dress, lingering near the waistband of the panties before slipping fingers inside._

_Mor pulled away from Phil's lips and turned his head, panting deeply in his arousal. "Please, Philly.. please.. rub me.. play with me.. Uhm.. Ohh, right there.." Mor murmured sweetly as Phil found him and began fondling his cock underneath the panties. Loving how he stiffened up so naturally, so easily, under his touch._

_**'Cause I love you, yes I love you, oh how I love you**_

_"Shh.. I got something better." Phil growled lustfully, getting up and walking around to the end of the bed. Mor watched him as he crawled up the bed over his legs. Smirking as he raised the end of the dress. Johnny's hands went to Phil's onyx hair, tangling in it as Phil slipped his fingers down in the sides of the underwear, slowly pulling them out from John's beautiful body. _

_"Hurry, baby.. Oh, god, hurry.." Mor whimpered. He was on fire. He felt like he'd combust if he didn't get air soon._

_"Shh.. just be patient, doll.. Oh, you're so beautiful.." Phil cooed as he slide the panties down to Mor's thighs and on off._

_"Yeah?" Mor panted._

_Phil kissed up Mor's inner thigh, switching to the other before licking across his flesh. Closer. Closer._

_"Oh, yeah. So hott.. so gorgeous.." Phil grinned, dragging his tongue over the head of his lover's cock. _

_"Please.. please, don't tease me.." Mor pouted down at the ravenette. Puckering his lips so cutely and blinking. Phil chuckled inwardly and licked across the head again. Mor arched up, whimpering desperately._

_Phil pushed his hips back down, holding them there. "Someone's eager I see." He playfully teased._

_"So eager.. uhm.. Want.. want your mouth, Philly.. ohmm.. please.. I'll be good.. I know you wanna taste me.." Mor whined coaxingly._

_"Oh, yes'um.." Phil couldn't argue with that type of logic. He took hold of Mor's cock at the base and held it up, sliding his lips over the head and down the shaft. Mor groaned softly, relaxing back and closing his eyes. Phil took him out, stroking him a bit and blowing a bit on the head. Mor shuddered and let out a whimpered whine that made Phil's own cock twitch in his pants. Having his baby under him, writhing and pleading was making him so hard, so quick. Phil took the head back in his mouth, sucking gently as he worked the shaft with his hand. _

_**Gazing at people, some hand in hand,  
Just what I'm going through, they can't understand.  
Some try to tell me, thoughts they cannot defend,  
Just what you want to be, you will be in the end.**_

_"Oh, god.. fuck, baby.. Ooh, that's it.. so good, Philly.. Uhm.. shit.. Don't stop.. please.." Mor wiggled, trying to thrust up, but he wasn't being allowed to at the time which only made him hotter._

_Phil slide his lips down further, sucking hard on the shaft. His baby tasted wonderful. Better than anything in the world he could imagine. So sweet._

_"Uhm.. uhm.. Oh, Philly.. Ph.. right there.. Ohh.. ohh.." Mor whimpered, panting heavily. He was so damn close. He could feel it building within him higher and higher. And Phil must of sensed this too for he stopped and pulled his mouth off his lover's erection. Johnny looked up at him pitifully. He was a fitful wreck and that made him all the more gorgeous. His hair was a mess and his skin was moist with a light sweat. Mor reach up at him. "No.. no.. please.. dun stop.." _

_Phil placed his finger to his lips, hushing him. Morrison shook his head and found himself flipped over to his stomach and his hips raised up in the air. Phil studied him, running his hands up the back of his thighs and to his round bottom, pushing his cheeks apart and splaying him so very nicely. Mor grabbed the pillow under his head, holding to it tightly as he waited. _

_"Phil, baby.." He whimpered, digging nails into the soft white pillow as he felt Phil's tongue lightly lapping at his entrance. Teasing the little pink pucker. "Ooh.. oh, Philly.. shit.. so good.. so good.." Mor spread his legs further, rocking his hips back into Phil's talented tongue. Needing more. Craving more of it._

_Phil kissed the tight pucker, licking across again before probing down inside with the tip of his tongue. Mor whimpered, mumbling something incoherent as he felt Phil's tongue dig deeper. _

_"Please.. let me cum, Philly.. rub me and lemme cum.. please.. wanna cum so hard for you.." Johnny begged sweetly._

_Phil pulled back and smirked. "Not yet, sweetheart."_

Phil groaned in his sleep, restlessly turning to his back and then back to his side. Clutching his covers tightly. So restless. So tired.

_Phil sat on the side of the bed, watching Mor turn around before shaking his butt at him. Morrison squeaked as Phil swatted him across the ass. Mor turned around and rubbed his bare booty._

_"Not nice, meanie." Johnny pouted. _

_"You tease." Phil stuck his tongue out and pulled John close, rubbing his hands up his slender hips as Mor leaned down and kissed him before slipping out of Phil's arms and down to his knees to the floor in front of him._

_**And I love you, yes I love you,  
Oh how I love you, oh how I love you.**_

_Phil looked down at the brunette, his fingers carding in those luscious locks as Morrison fought to get his pants undone and free his aching cock from its current prison. Phil sighed as Johnny succeeded, bringing his cock out and stroking him gently to 'warm up' as he opened his mouth. Sticking his tongue out and taunting to lick the tip. Phil shuddered as Mor kissed the head instead, licking the precum from the slit off his lips before molding them down over the tip and sucking gently. _

_"Oh, baby.. so sweet.." Phil groaned, watching his baby in fascination._

_Mor hummed lightly, letting his tongue swirl around the head before sliding his lips down further. He started to bob his head, fucking Phil's cock with his mouth. Whimpering sweetly as he did so. _

_"Oh, fuck.. shit.. that's it, babe.. Oh, Johnny.. such a beautiful mouth.." Phil panted. Grunting as Morrison took him deeper. Deliberately gagging himself as Phil's cock hit the back of his throat. Mor relaxed his throat muscles, swallowing around the thick width. His hands grabbing at Phil's pants and attempt to drag them down further. _

_Phil bit on his lip. He was so hard and throbbing. Mor was doing so good. More than good, amazing. But he wanted so much to throw him down on the bed and pound him through the mattress. To take him and make him scream in burning-hot passion. But instead he let him play. He had all night. All the time in the world. Forever. _

_The song continued softly. The sweet music filling the room. Phil let the melody seep into his head. So soft. So haunting. Calming him. Dragging him into a tranquil existence. Letting nothing else seem to matter except itself and the two lovers. _

_Phil raised his shirt above his head, tossing it off and threading his fingers back in John's hair. Watching him as he sucked him. Loving how good those plump lips looked sliding up and down his shaft. Johnny made a slurping sound as he pulled them off. Phil swallowed thickly. That was it, Phil had enough of foreplay. He pulled a confused Morrison to his feet before getting up and discarding his pants. Mor watched him, raking his hair behind his ear. Phil rummaged quickly through the dresser drawer, getting out the lubrication. He was back to him a second later. Tackling Mor down on the bed, loving the sweet sound of the brunette giggling. Kissing his neck and running his hands everywhere he could get them. _

_Phil rolled to his back, jerking Mor on top of him and pulling the younger male's leg across his body. Mor leaned down, attacking Phil's neck and collarbone, wriggling his hips against his like the tease he was known to be. Phil groaned and tried to concentrate on opening the tube. Succeeding and squirting some out onto his fingers, rubbing them together and warming it before reaching around Morrison and bringing them down to massage over his entrance. Pushing to see if he could enter. _

_"Hurry.. uhm.. hurry.. need you in me.. want to ride you so hard.. please.." Mor murmured, bracing himself up with his hands. He gasped sweetly as he felt two of his lover's fingers slide deep inside of him, wiggling around and scissoring apart to stretch him quickly. "Oh, god.. Phil.. uhm.. so good.. please.."_

_**Nights in white satin, never reaching the end,  
Letters I've written, never meaning to send.  
Beauty I've always missed, with these eyes before.  
Just what the truth is, I can't say anymore.**_

_Phil watched Johnny's face, loving how his lips curled up so sweetly in pleasure. "You like that, baby.. Huh? Like what I'm doing to you..?"_

_Mor nodded and swallowed a moan. "Need you... need.."_

_"Tell me what you want.." Phil smiled as he started to finger Mor's hole, probing the digits in and out of the male who was currently straddling him and bucking back into his fingers so desperately._

_"Need your cock in me.. please.. wanna feel you.. uhm.. fuck me.." Morrison gasped as Phil touched his hidden button, making him ache more. Phil pulled his fingers out, taking hold of Johnny's hips and directing them over his aching member. Mor reach between them, taking hold of Phil's cock and lining it up with himself as he guided it inside of his slicked up hole. _

_"Uhm.. so tight.." Phil groaned, nipping at Mor's neck as the younger man bared down. Both men groaned as Mor impaled himself all the way on Phil's cock. _

_"Ooh, so big.." Johnny whimpered, holding still to adjust to the full feeling. _

_Mor raised his hips almost all the way off Phil's cock, shifting his legs apart before slamming himself back down and setting a pace._

_"That's it, baby.. ride that cock.. Oh, you look so fucking hott.." Phil ran his hands up Mor's hips and back down to grab him from behind as Johnny wiggled his hips, fucking himself. Crying out as he managed to hit his own prostate._

_Their shadows danced on the walls under their love-making. Cast by the eerie candlelight as the flames flickered wildly in the dark. Phil reach up to touch his face, and Mor leaned into it. Shutting his beautiful eyes as small whimpers escaped his lips._

_"Ohm.. oohh.. Philly.. Uhm.." Mor shuddered as he located his prostate again. "Oh, please.. help me.. help me, Philly.. Make me cum, baby.. Wanna cum for you.."_

_Phil complied, reaching in between them and firmly taking hold of his lover's cock, fisting him roughly._

_"You like that..? Like me rubbing you while you ride me..? Hm..?" Phil panted._

_"Oh, yeah.. Ooh, Philly.." The younger male whimpered, rocking his hips back into Phil's cock and forward into his pumping hand. "Uhm.. cumming.. oh, cumming.. Ohh, Philly.." Johnny came, mumbling little incoherent words. His whole body quivering under his release. Mor whimpered and leaned down, burying his head in Phil's chest, panting heavily. _

_**'Cause I love you, yes I love you,  
Oh how I love you, oh how I love you.  
'Cause I love you, yes I love you,  
Oh how I love you, oh how I love you.**_

_Phil wrapped his arms around the recovering brunette and pulled him closer. Kissing his neck softly as he started thrusting upward into Johnny's warm and willing body. Loving how Mor felt as he enveloped him._

_"Ah, yeah.. so tight.. so wonderful.. Oh, I love you.." He murmured as he reach his climax, cumming inside of his lover._

_Phil reach up and took Mor's head in his hands, raising it up to look him over. His thumbs caressing his cheeks. Mor's eyes were softly closed, a languid expression on his face. A sweet smile crept up on John's lips as he kissed Phil's thumb as it brushed across his lips. Phil leaned up and kissed his face, sighing thoughtfully as he then kissed Mor's pouted lips. Savoring the sweet taste of the man he so loved._

_"I love you." He murmured again as they broke._

_Mor blinked open his eyes and moved the hair away from Phil's face. He smiled warmly. "I love you too." He whispered._

_--xx--_

_Phil moved Johnny off of him, turning him to his side and snuggling up behind him. Both arms locked around Morrison's waist. The brunette reach behind him, carding fingers in his lover's hair, giggling when Phil started nibbling on his neck._

_"Stop.. sleepy now.." Mor yawned._

_Phil growled playfully and kissed the side of Mor's face, watching the younger male fall into a peaceful slumber._

Phil snapped awake, sitting up and turning around to look behind him. His hand running across the empty sheets in utter disappointment as he found no one there.

"Shit.." He groaned, rubbing his hands over his face. "Shit.. shit.."

Phil tossed back the covers and swung his legs over the side of the bed. This bullshit was going to have to stop. Phil looked at the clock to realize he had slept roughly forty-five minutes, though it felt like an eternity.

Brooks grabbed his wallet and his keys. No use in staying here and tossing and turning in bed.

**

* * *

Okay, that song so did not want to cooperate with me. Meh, it still doesn't seem like I got it to fit, but oh, well. The song was 'Nights in White Satin' by the Moody Blues and I had first heard it at the beginning of Halloween 2 (Zombie's version, XP) & recenetly out of the blue got it restuck in my head. I think the lyrics are beautiful and thought it'd be a nice touch to this story. (shrugs) Sucks when I have a soft spot, I know. Hey, look! I wrote Phil and Morrie sweet. Look at that! HA! XD. I still stand by that if I can make Cena/Edge work (and I am very, very happy with that one shot from the 1st chp of 'The Baby Doll Series', BTW, whether I like that couple or not. I adore how it turned out) then I can make Phil/Addy work. I said I was curious about them anyhow. P.S. About 2 chps of 'Night Terrors' are done. They just need to be edited out and everything. Please be patient with me right now, it's deeply appreciated, XD. Love y'all!  
**


	3. Dust in the Wind

**Esha Napoleon, thank you, XD. LegacyChick, hehe, have fun there. redsandman99, thank you. I'll get around to what happened to Morrie. I luv miss Jeff and Edge, lol. Okay, I can see why you wouldn't want to concerning Punk. But, Mor is just delicious. Seraphalexiel, that's okay. I would've too :P And yeah, I kinda see your point there about Christy. But.. oh, well.. XD. takers dark lover, I'm not quite ready to tell what happened to Mor yet ;) AREESHA, from chp 1 & 2, thank you, and I'm sorry about that. But usually the top (or boy) in my stories name comes first in the pairing name. But, 'Rotten' has a nice little scene with Phil and Randy in the 4th chp, and Phil's the bottom. (sorry, cheap plug) Hardly Here, from chp 1, thank you, and yeah, they are pretty awesome :D JoMoFan-spot, thank you and so glad I done well with Mor. At one point I wasn't too sure I could write him that good other than 'Muse Troubles'. Glad I've improved on that. Glad you liked it and oddly enuff I'm liking Punk in this one as well. **

**

* * *

Lost Memories;  
Chapter three/ 'Dust in the Wind'  
Rated; M/ L, (some roughness and drinking)**

_**"I close my eyes,  
Only for a moment and the moment's gone  
All my dreams,  
Pass before my eyes, a curiosity  
Dust in the wind,  
All they are is dust in the wind.." Dust in the Wind, Kansas.**_

Matt tapped his fingers on the side of his bottle. Time had passed. Jeff was, of course, not sitting with them. He was a few tables away from them with some new friends that Matt suddenly felt jealous of. Randy had disappeared from their little group and Jeff was talking to some guy named Mike. Talking was an understatement. Jeff was openly flirting. Batting his eyes, casually touching Mike's leg or arm, laughing too damn loud.

Maybe Matt was reading too much into it, but either way he wanted to get Mike in the parking lot. Matt was mad at him. He was mad at Randy. Mad at all of them for breaking up his happy home. For stealing Jeff away.

Jeff didn't even look like Jeff anymore.. But maybe, it was just Matt. Like maybe for the first time he saw him in a light that wasn't Matt's own. Jeff was wearing the tightest gray jeans Matt had ever fucking saw, black 'biker' boots and a tight black baby-tee. His hair was dyed blue and green and he was wearing eyeliner all messy and trashy to make his emeralds pop. A pink studded belt hung low on his waist, unsecured by the loops of the jeans. Matt also noticed that Jeff was wearing one of Adam's studded leather cuffs that Jeff had probably never gave back as well as a choker that Adam had gave him.

Matt shook his head. It wasn't right. Even if Adam and Jeff didn't make it, they could move on. Jeff didn't have to deliberately rub Adam's nose in it. Jeff was Matt's younger brother and he loved him deeply. But, Matt just didn't know if he agreed with what he was doing right now.

The older Hardy sighed before looking down to his beer. Watching as the steam rose up from the top. He took another sip and gazed toward the restrooms. Adam had disappeared there three times now. Everytime Jeff would do something, Adam would run off to hide. Matt had offered that they could leave, but Adam just keep reassuring him he could deal with it. Chris was rattling on about something. Jay was busy laughing at Evan on the floor. The kid was sandwiched between Maria and Mickie as the two lesbians forced him to dance. The poor little dude was pleading for someone to save him. Matt chuckled inwardly. The girls acted like he was a teddy bear or a puppy or something.

Matt took another drink, nodding toward Chris and acting like he was listening as Chris gave off reasons why Metallica was so awesome and why his dream band would someday be more awesome and drag James Hetfield and Co through the proverbial mud. Matt shook his head and smirked. If he didn't love him..

--xx--

Adam turned the water on, catching some water in his hands before splashing it on his face. He grabbed a towel and dried off. After tossing the wet paper towels away, he looked into the mirror. Staring into his own bloodshot hazel eyes. He didn't look like himself anymore. He didn't know himself anymore. The man staring back at him through his reflection was foreign. All he ever knew was Jeff. He fit with Jeff. Belonged with Jeff. Didn't see himself without Jeff..

He needed Jeff.. He didn't know who he was without him anymore and he wasn't too eager to find out. It wasn't fair that Randy did him that way. It cut like a knife. Right to the bone. Randy, one of his best friends, stole Jeff away out from under him without any remorse or care. Randy knew what Jeff meant to Adam, but he didn't even blink an eye or hesitate. Just so selfish.

Adam gritted his teeth and looked down. Pushing down the faucet to turn it off. Perhaps he was the selfish one? Jeff obviously didn't love Adam like he once said he did. You can't force your heart to feel what it doesn't. Jeff didn't feel Adam was good enough for whatever reason. Adam just didn't make him happy.

He wished he could be happy for Jeff and Randy. He wished he could move on and let it go so it wouldn't eat at him anymore... But..

Adam sighed. He just didn't know anymore. Him and Jeff used to be so in love.. Or so he had once thought..

_Adam had his head laying in Jeff's lap as the younger male sat on the couch. Adam sighed contently as Jeff ran his fingers through his hair, petting him. Adam was laying on his side on the couch, vaguely watching the TV screen. He was perfectly happy right here. There was nowhere else he wanted to be. Adam smiled, literally purring as he snuggled closer in Jeff's lap. Jeff's soft giggle made him turn his head to look up at him. Jeff was gazing down at the blonde, lightly running his fingertips down the side of Adam's face before tracing his thumb across his lips. Adam kissed his thumb as it passed._

_"What?" The blonde asked innocently. _

_Jeff shook his head. "You."_

_"Me?" Adam smirked, biting on his lip as he turned to his back, his head still laying in Jeff's lap as the younger Hardy brushed his hair out of the way._

_"Yeah, you." Jeff whispered._

_"What about little ole me?" Adam puckered his lips sweetly, the sides curling up into a heart melting smile._

_Jeff shook his head. "You're as cute as a button."_

_"You're pretty cute yourself."_

_"Really?"_

_Adam tucked his bottom lip back into his mouth and nibbled gently. Nodding._

_Jeff smiled at him warmly and leaned down towards him, meeting Adam half-way in a kiss as the blonde leaned up, wrapping his arm around Jeff's neck. Jeff helped him sit up and pulled him up into his lap. Holding him close as he kissed his blonde. Gently flicking his tongue out to lick at Adam's full lips, tracing across the bottom and begging for entry. Adam parted his lips, allowing Jeff's tongue to slip past them and find his own. Jeff pulled back, pecking Adam a couple of soft times before sucking on his bottom lip. Adam let out a whimpered whine..._

The blonde turned his head as he heard someone clear their throat. Dragging him out of his memory. He groaned when he saw it was Randy Orton. Standing there off to the side of him, arrogant smirk on the bastard's face. And ice blue eyes gleaming right at him, cold and menacing.

Randy's tongue came out to wet his lips. "Must suck, doesn't it?"

"Go away, Orton. Haven't you done enough?" Adam lowered his eyes to the sink. Watching water droplets run down towards the drain,

"It must suck. Poor liddle Addy-waddy all alone." The larger male taunted.

"Whose fault was that, Randy?" Adam snapped, turning to face the dark-haired man. "Huh? Whose fault was that?"

"Yours, Adam." Orton snarled. "It was your damn fault. Jeff wasn't happy with you. And who would be? All you do is whine and cry. Bitchin' for attention. You're too damn needy and vulnerable. Jeff.. Jeff needed a real man to take care of him and his needs because he got sick of taking care of you."

"That's bullshit." Adam muttered, trying to push past him.

He didn't know why Randy had to rub shit in. He had Jeff. He had won. Randy jerked him back by the arm.

"Let me go." The blonde demanded, yanking his arm free of Randy's grasp.

Randy laughed. "He feels so good sliding up 'n' down my cock.. His screams sound like music. I tell ya, I can't get enough of him." He loved how Adam glared at him. Loved the anger in his face. "We fuck constantly, Adam. Hell, the little nympho blowed me in the car on the way over while I was driving. Cumslut nearly wrecked me." Randy taunted. He was closer to Adam now. His face mere inches from his neck. Adam's head was turned away now and bowed down. He didn't know what his friend had turned into, but he hated it.

"Why are you doing this, Randy?" Adam looked back up at him. "You took Jeff from me. Made him a bitch. That's all he is; A whore to you anyway. So why are you wasting your damn time bothering me?"

Randy smirked and reach up to twirl a strand of Adam's hair around his fingers. His eyes lowered, studying him thoughtfully.

"You really think that's what happened? I took Jeff and made him a bitch..? Like you were his bitch?" Randy locked eyes with the blonde. A chuckle escaping him.

"I think you need help, Randy. I don't think you're all there." Adam said calmly.

Randy's smile faded into a snarl. "You have a lot of balls, bitch." Randy stood erect and backed off from Adam. "You may as well get over it, Addy. Jeff is mine now."

"You knew I loved him, Randy." Adam clinched his teeth. "You knew. Why, Randy? Why? Why did you do this shit to me?"

Randy scoffed and looked upward, his hands being stuffed into his pockets. "You'd never understand."

"I was your best friend! I was there for you when no one else was. I was there when you trashed that hotel room after your prom. I bailed you out of jail.. stood by you through thick and thin. Why Jeff? Why him?" Adam demanded angrily.

Randy snorted and looked down.

Adam took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "You owe me and explanation at least." He said calmly.

"I owe you shit, Adam."

"Fuck you, Randy. You're still just a prick." Adam started to leave only to have Randy grab him and slam him against the wall. The brunette glared down at the blonde who stared back at him defiantly.

"Let me go, Randy." Adam tried to remove Randy's grip from his jacket, but Randy held to him strong. "Let. Me. Go."

Randy's lip was curled up at the side into a disdained grimace. "Or what, Adam? What's a bitch like you gonna do to me? You're so pathetic, Adam, you can't function anymore." Randy held him tighter now, digging nails into Adam's skin. Shaking the blonde a bit for emphasis.

Adam winced. His defiance dropped and his heart pounding under anger and hurt and fear. "Randy, stop.." He knew Randy's temper was notoriously bad. And he really had rather not end up on the other end of where that temper was directed.

"You better watch that ass of yours, Blondie. I won't hesitate to make you my fuck-toy bitch too." Randy growled, leaning a little too dangerously close to Adam's neck for the blonde's liking. Adam shuddered, feeling Orton's heated breath on his skin.

Adam's eyes darted over to the door as it came open. Phil staggered in. Not noticing the scene at first and just trying to shake his tiredness off him. Adam's agitated whimper brought up the raven-haired male's attention.

"Hey!" Phil barked and Randy backed away as if Phil's voice had been a gunshot. "What the hell are you doing, Orton?"

Randy eyed Phil as the older male put himself between the two, shielding Adam. His blue eyes darting back and forth between Adam and Phil. "We were just talking, Brooks. That's all." He said coyly.

"Oh, yeah?" Phil asked dryly, his eyes locked on Orton. "Didn't look like you were just talking. What do you think Jay and Chris would do to you if they walked in and saw you _just talking_, huh?"

Randy snickered. "They don't scare me, Brooks, and neither do you."

"Fine. Then how 'bout I tell Matt? He's been wanting a reason to stomp your sorry fucking ass since..." Phil stopped when he saw Adam's head drop. He thought better than to finish.

"Since what, Phil?" Randy challenged. "Since I started pounding Matt's 'innocent' baby brother's ass? Ha. Matt's not gonna do a damn thing. He's too scared of driving Jeff away, so he just deals with it." Randy turned to Adam. "This," He motioned toward Phil and Adam with his hand. "Just proves you're just a pathetic bitch who needs saving. See ya, Addy." Randy winked in mocking him before he left.

Phil sighed and gazed over to Adam. The blonde looked bad. Hurt. Alone. He was just staring at the bathroom floor tiles. A vacant expression on his face. Adam was pale and just looked lifeless and drained.

"Hey, don't let that asshole get to you, man. He's a prick." Phil offered a smile.

Adam continued to just stare. Swallowing and blinking. It was the only sign that Adam was even real.

"Um, hey.. you, uh.. wanna go get Matt, Chris and Jay and let's jump Randy in the parking lot? Maria, Mickie and Evan can cheer us on and claw Orton's eyes out for your amusement." Phil quipped. Though he was probably dead serious knowing Phil.

Adam finally looked up at him, half-heartedly smiling and shaking his head.

"Well, then.. can we at least go back out with the rest of the gang. You know they're trouble if someone isn't watching them." Phil suggested.

Adam quietly nodded and let Phil lead him out of the bathroom.

--xx--

"Thought you weren't coming tonight, Phil?" Matt reminded.

"Yeah, I wasn't. But I couldn't just lay awake in bed any longer. Figured fresh air would do me good." Phil replied, sipping his Pepsi.

Adam had his head laying against the wall and he hadn't moved it. Chris was wondering if maybe there had been gum left there and Adam's head was just stuck to it.

"Adam, y'okay, buddy?" Chris asked, patting his fellow Canadian on the shoulder.

Adam turned his eyes, and his head, toward Chris. Nope. No gum.

"Fine, Chris, just tired." Adam gave a yawn and returned his head to the wall. Staring at a spot on the brick pattern that he obviously found to be fascinating.

Phil sat across from Adam at the table, Jay was on his right and Evan was next to him. Chris was between Matt and Adam and the girls took up the end. They were whispering amongst themselves. Maria shaking her head about something. Evan was pretty much bored, his head was laying on Jay's shoulder as the older man stirred his drink with his straw, making the ice cubes swirl around the glass. Jeff and Randy had at least left. Abruptly. Phil figured he should at least tell Matt what happened with Orton in the bathroom, but decided to wait to do it in private and not in front of Adam.

"So, Phil, how's work?" Matt asked. Probably trying to take his mind off the dull mood that sat at the table.

"Shitty." Phil smirked. "Quite frankly, I just wish they'd hurry up and fire me."

Matt chuckled. "Same here. Adam?"

Adam mumbled something incoherent and continued staring at the wall. Phil sighed and looked down at his glass. Watching little air bubbles float upwards through the dark brownish liquid. He knew how Adam must feel. Not that he was in any different boat. Adam was in hell right now. And Adam proved that by ordering another drink. Least he took his head off the wall long enough to drink it.

Phil shook his head. Maybe they had more in common than met the eye. Phil was Straightedge, so of course, that meant he didn't drink, do drugs or smoke.. but recently he didn't sleep either. Adam, on the other hand, was drinking more than usual. It wasn't like it was that bad.. Yet, that is. Adam hadn't reach drunkard status. But Phil.. Hell, everyone feared that he'd soon wind up there if he kept taking the wayward medicine for a broken heart.

"Can we just go, Matty. I'm sick of these yokels here. I wanna go home." Chris spoke up.

"Hey, why are you sick of us for?" Maria pouted.

"Yeah, jackass? What'd we ever do to you?" Mickie put in, wrapping her arm around Maria.

Chris blinked. "Uh.. I didn't mean you guys." Chris corrected as he waved his hand around the table in motioning to everyone. Looking like he was about to give a fortune in a crystal ball. "I meant everyone else here. I love you guys, you all know that." Chris smiled sheepishly.

"Awe, we know, Chrissy." Phil reach across to pat the loud-mouthed blonde on the shoulder. "That's why you won't mind paying the bill for us."

Chris' mouth dropped as Phil laughed.

"That's not fair! Matty, tell them that's not fair!" Chris turned to his lover expectantly.

Matt downed the last of his drink and shrugged. "You dug that grave yourself, Chrissy." He said as Jay nodded.

Chris blinked again. "But.. but.. but.. Ugh! I give up!" The Canadian grumbled, letting his head fall into his hands as everyone else chuckled or laughed at his expense. It was all in good fun, he knew. But there would be payback later.

Matt turned to Adam. "Hey, Addams, you okay to go?"

Adam looked over at the older Hardy and nodded. "Yeah. I think we should go."

"Okay, Chris, cover the bill. Everyone else.." Matt trailed off, pointing towards the door as Chris fumed. His lover was so easy to make all twitchy.

The rest of everyone else grabbed their stuff and headed out. Agreeing to meet back at Matt and Chris' just to hang out and chill. Phil kept his eyes trained on Adam. He didn't know what it was that made him stare at him the way he did. Adam seemed so lost and somber right now. It was heartbreaking.

"You all will rue this day. Rue, I tell you!" Chris shouted, distracting Phil from his thoughts.

"Yeah, yeah." Maria groaned as she walked past.

"Rue, got it." Jay added lack-luster.

"Whatever, porcupine." Phil said, flipping him off as he went by.

Chris made a disgusted face and stuck out his tongue as he grabbed up the bill.

**

* * *

Two updates on my birthday, yay! I'm pushing it, I know. (shrugs) I decided to try and include some song theme in each chap. I plucked this one up out of laziness and out of the blue. It kinda keeps up with the somber theme of the story. This chp kinda shorter. **

**Phil saving Addy from Randy? Kinda cute. And I got a slight taste of Jedam in there.. **


	4. Kiss From a Rose

**redsandman99, that parking lot thing kinda does sound like a good idea, hehe.. LegacyChick, aw, thank you. (winces) Randy actually came off as more of an ass than originally intended. Meh, me Randy muse usually does what he wants, he likes playing the bad gay a little too much. Esha Napoelon, thank you ;) Hardly Here, yeah, you can say that :P Thanks. takers dark lover, Addy's usually totally lost where I'm concerned, sadly. Thank you, updating :) JoMoFan-spot, well, you once told me yourself that we don't blame the ones we should blame (16th 'Sold' chp review). Jeff is still Matt's younger brother and he just kindly feels like Randy and Mike stole Jeff away from him. & don't be mad at Jeffers. 'Sold' is more Matt's fault than Jeff's (besides, Jeff's in the hospital still in that one) and he comes around in 'Night Terrors'. You can be mad at him here though. I kinda am myself, and I'm the one writing it! But Jeff muse wants to make it clear that this is not his story. **_**Jeff muse: & I still want Addy preggers. Terrah: (sighs) I know. Go away. Jeff muse: (growls) **_**Randy was a prick. But he was a hott prick. I know that sounds evil, but I like the guy.. well, evil. I like him sweet and proved I can write him sweet, but here I want him to be an ass. In this sick way, I liked the 'forced Redge' interaction. **_**Edge muse: (reading) Almost as pretty..? Almost as pretty? I'm way more pretty than him. (points at Mor)**__** Mor muse: (laughing) Edge muse: Tell him I'm prettier, Jeffy. Jeff muse: You're way more prettier, Addy. Edge muse: (proudly) See? Mor muse: (rolls eyes) You're such a drama queen. (walks off) Edge muse: (twitches) Hey, you take that back! Jeff muse: (sighs and scoops Edge up) There, there, Addy. He's just jealous is all. Matt muse: (shakes head) I don't know them. Terrah: Me either. (shrugs) I think both Adam and Mor are pretty... **_**(sighs) Look over them, they're overly dramatic.**

**

* * *

Lost Memories;  
Chapter four/ 'Kiss From a Rose'  
Rated; M/ L, (spin the bottle, so some guy on guy kissage and some drinking)**

_**"There used to be a graying tower alone on the sea.  
You became the light on the dark side of me.  
Love remained a drug that's the high and not the pill...**_

_**Baby,  
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the gray.  
Ooh,  
The more I get of you,  
The stranger it feels, yeah.  
And now that your rose is in bloom.  
A light hits the gloom on the gray..." Kiss From a Rose, Seal.**_

Phil sat the soda can down on the kitchen counter and popped the top. They all had gathered back at Matt and Chris' for some reason. Not that they had to be anywhere tomorrow. Today was Saturday. It wasn't that late and Phil had nowhere to be anyhow. What was the point? Go back home, crawl in bed and lay awake restless all night as usual? The way Phil saw it, he was better off around friends. Least they were a distraction. And a distraction sounded damn good to him right now.

Phil heard loud giggling coming from the living room. Followed by Matt saying, "Hey, you break it, you've bought it, mister."

And Jay saying, "It wasn't my fault! Your boyfriend was tickling me!"

"Ahm!" Came Maria's exaggerated gasp. "Shame on you, Chris!"

"Uhh.. I was not tickling him! He's just dirty-minded! C'mon, Matty, you believe me? Right?" Chris said with a slight pout in his voice.

"Right. Sure. Whatever you say." The older Hardy's voice was lack-lustered and dry. "Just be careful and don't break my shit."

Phil smirked as Matt came into the kitchen. "They're all animals, Hardy."

"Maybe I should put them in cages then." Matt sighed tiredly.

"They'd find away to escape."

"Probably." Matt said, getting a soda out of the fridge.

Phil cleared his throat and straightened up. "Hey, before I forget, I caught Orton being an ass to Adam in the bathroom."

"When was this?" Matt asked, not looking at Phil as he wiped off the top of the can before pulling on the tab to open it. The can hissed from pressure before giving way and making a loud pop as it opened.

"Back at the club, tonight."

"And Adam didn't say anything to me?" Matt looked hurt. Adam always told him everything.

"Well, he probably thought you had enough on your mind... It was no big deal, really." Phil lied. "I'd just keep a watch on him. Randy can be a real asshole."

"Yeah. I dunno what Jeff sees in that prick. It's a mystery really." Matt smiled dryly. "What was Orton doing to Adam when you caught them?"

"Just antagonizing him over Jeff. Trying to start bullshit." Not like that was a lie.

"I don't get why they have to rub Adam's face in it. Like they can't move on and go on about their own damn business. I mean, why continue to hurt Adam more? It makes no fucking sense." Matt pondered, wiping at some pop that had sprayed on his shirt during its opening.

"Does anything anymore?" Phil asked nonchalantly. It was more of an empty statement really.

Matt was never too fond of Orton. He wasn't when Adam and Randy were still friends. Randy had a nasty habit or doing whatever it took to get under anyone's skin. Most people thought Orton and Adam grew apart because Matt and Adam got closer after Jeff and Adam started dating. Who's to say? Shitty things often happen. That was life.

Matt took a drink and got out a couple more beverages for everyone else. "Not really." He shook his head and turned to go back into the living room as Phil followed.

--xx--

Adam plopped down on the couch. Vaguely aware of everyone else. After the break-up with Jeff, Jeff went to stay at Randy's. Even though Adam had told him he could have what was once their apartment and he'd just find his own place. That was coming slowly though. Till then, Adam mostly crashed at Matt's in a spare bedroom. Paying some on rent, even though Matt told him he didn't have to, and helping with chores, even if just to keep himself busy. He still had stuff at the old apartment. As did Jeff. Going back to that place was just painful for him right now. It wasn't something he enjoyed. There were too many 'ghosts' that plagued him there. Memories of what used to be. Of when he was happier. Of when he had Jeff and everything was fine.

Chris broke all thought by belching loudly. He held up the glass bottle in his hand that he had just killed off, staring at it with ill-intent.

"Ew, gross." Evan muttered.

"Topped mine." Jay said, scratching at his chest. He got up and disappeared back toward the bathroom area for the moment.

Evan shuddered again.

"Boys are so immature." Mickie snorted, coming back with a bowl of popcorn and handing it to Maria before sitting down on the couch beside her.

"Preach it, girlfriend." Matt smirked.

"Yeah, yeah, fuck you." Chris smarted.

Matt grinned. "Later, babe."

The blonde glared at his lover before holding back up the empty bottle. "Okay, who's up for a game of spin the bottle?"

Matt rolled his eyes. "Chris." He warned.

"What?" Chris shrugged. "Everyone's so uptight, I thought it'd be fun."

"No one is uptight." Matt denied.

Phil snorted.

"Ha, yeah right. Philly, y'anna play with me?" Chris teased, wiggling his hips a little and sticking his tongue out through a snarled grin. He was trying to look seductive.. or silly, one or the other..

Phil rolled his eyes this time and moved to get up. "Matt might kill me if I answered. He's a prude like that." The younger male joked.

Matt looked at him offended. "Now, hold up. How do I get called a prude from Mr. Straightedge here? That's so not fair."

"He's right, Matty. You ish a prude." Mickie put in, sticking a piece of popcorn in her mouth and crunching in to it. Maria nodded and continued to sip on her drink through a straw, making an annoying slurping sound as she got air in return. She stopped and took the straw down from her lips, 'ahhing' at the taste.

"I'm not a prude. I drink, I cut loose and screw Chris' brains out in my hot tub." Matt defended.

Evan giggled. "So, that's why he's so stupid?"

"Hahaha." Chris laughed dryly.

"Oh, yeah, Hardy. Let's try to prove how cool we all are." Phil smirked.

"Shut up. I'd talk about being a prude. I bet your so-called Straightedge lifestyle forbids you to play games like this. It would constitute as fun." Matt retorted.

Phil rolled his tongue ring against his teeth, sucking on the ball like it was candy out of sheer habit. "I have fun."

Matt snorted that time.

"I just do it with a clearer head than you do, Matteh."

Matt scoffed. "Whatever. Prude."

"Alright, Matt, tell you what; I'll play, if you will." Phil challenged.

"Ooh." Both girls giggled.

"That'll be hott." Maria grabbed one last big bite of popcorn before sitting the bowl on the coffee table.

"Yeah, baby." The two settled back in he couch to enjoy a girl's favorite past-time; watching hott guys make out with one another. Mickie sat back, carding her fingers through Maria's hair as the younger woman laid her head in her lap.

"Whaddya say, Hardy boy? Game?" Phil taunted.

"Fine." Matt caved.

"Alright. Now to go find Jay." Chris said happily, going off to do what he just said while Matt got busy fixing them a place to play.

"Addams, you wanna play?" The older Hardy asked, glancing back at where Adam sat.

Adam shrugged. The blonde was still sitting on the end of the couch, his elbow propped up on the couch arm and his head propped up on his fist,

"Come on, Addy. It's just for fun." Phil held his hand out to him, wiggling his fingers.

"Yeah, Adam, go play with them." The girls coaxed, almost in a creepy unison.

"It's okay, I just.." Adam was cut off as Phil grabbed his hands and drug him up. "Hey. Let me alone. I don't wanna."

"Well, you're gonna. If I have to, mopey-butt, so do you."

Matt was going to call Phil on being mopey, but figured he'd keep quiet. If Phil was distracted from his own problems with Adam's, then that was one less thing for Matt to worry over right now.

Soon Chris had gathered everyone up. They all sat with their legs folded in a circle on the floor. It went in this order; Chris then Evan, then Jay, then Matt, then Adam, then Phil and back to Chris again.

"My idea, I go first." Chris proclaimed, popping his fingers.

"Fine, Casanova." Matt folded his arms as Chris reach out to spin the empty glass bottle that lay on the carpet in the center of their little circle.

"Dun get jealous now." Chris smirked at his lover as he spun.

Matt snorted and rolled his dark eyes. The bottle spun a couple of times before landing back on Chris. Matt laughed and Chris pouted and shook his head.

"Dammit, I should spin again." Chris reach back out for the bottle but Matt reach across the bottle and grabbed his wrist.

"No. Wait your turn again."

Chris huffed and kissed his hand before folding his arms.

"Wow, really hott." Maria said sarcastically. Her tone bored and dull.

"Glad this wasn't on pay-per-view." Mickie echoed her sarcasm.

"Yawn." Maria said then gave a fake yawn for emphasis.

The boys ignored them and Evan went next in line... under some coaxing from Jay.. It landed on Jay and the baby Bourne got to breathe easy as he pecked his lover on the lips. The girls awed and giggled making Evan blush. Jay was next, landing on Matt.

Chris perked up instantly. "Oh, hell yeah! I've been dying to see this!"

"Uh.. but, he's like my.." Matt was cut off by Jay.

"Quit yer bitchin' an' kiss me, Hardy." The blonde mimicked a bad southern accent, waggling his eyebrows and grinning like a Cheshire cat.

Matt pecked him on the cheek instead. The girls booed their disapproval. Adam sighed and Phil tried to hide a wry smile as Jay glared.

"You suck." Jay huffed.

"You wish." Matt retaliated, taking a deep breath and spinning the bottle for his turn. It landed on Phil. Matt groaned and buried his face in his hands.

"Oh, no. Not copping out on me, Hardy boy." Phil jerked Matt close to him and crashed their lips together. Matt flushed wildly and pulled away.

Chris' mouth dropped open. "Ugh, no fair."

"Hey, you wanted to play." Phil reminded. Chris made some silent smart-assed motions with his mouth towards his friend and turned away. Evan and Jay were busy laughing.

"Wooh!" The girls squealed, giggling louder. "Oh, yeah, baby. That's it." Maria hollered as Mickie continued her woo's of approval.

Phil smacked his lips before licking them. "Tastes like southern fried chicken."

"Eat me, Brooks." Matt grumbled.

"No, this is spin the bottle. Not 10 minutes in the dark." Phil retorted.

"That's 7 minutes in heaven." Chris corrected smugly.

"Whatever." Phil muttered. Like he cared.

"You wish it was." Matt smirked.

"Oh, quit being so arrogant, Matthew." The ravenette teased playfully.

"You'd be arrogant too if you looked like this." Matt said, motioning down at himself with his hands. His eyebrow raised and a wry grin creeping up on his full lips.

Adam actually cracked a small smile. His friends were nuts. Phil snorted and made a scoffing noise before waving him off with his hand. Everyone knew they were just playing.

"Hey, me Matty's smexy." Chris proclaimed.

"Whatever you say, Porcupine." Phil quipped.

Chris growled and then wet his lips. "It's Adam's turn."

"Yeah, come on!" Maria shouted impatiently.

"Less talkey, more lip lockey." Mickie added.

"That was lame!" Jay shouted.

"Bite me, Reso." Mickie flipped him off.

"Sorry, I'm gay." He smirked, turning his head toward them.

Mickie rolled her eyes and sat back. "Yeah, yeah. Excuses!"

"Spin, Adam, we're waiting." Chris urged.

Adam tapped the bottle, proclaimed it landed on himself and kissed his hand to which everyone groaned. Phil rolled his eyes and took his turn. He got Jay. Both men shrugged and leaned over to kiss each other lightly on the lips. It was short and friendly and not to be made a big deal of, even if it got some cat-calls anyhow.

"My turn, bitches." Chris laughed, spinning a little less hard than the first time. He looked up to where the bottle landed to see Jay. "Awe, not you."

Jay grinned widely. "Ha, I iz a lucky boy tonight!"

Matt flushed as Jason nearly tackled his lover, kissing Chris smack on the lips. Chris squirmed underneath him helplessly, his shouts muffled under the younger man's lips. Finally he was released.

"Eww, now I gots Jay Reso and Evan Bourne germs. Yuck!" Chris complained, wiping at his mouth.

"Tastes like alcohol and failure." Jay smarted.

"Fuck you, Jay-Jay." Chris growled, sitting back up.

Evan took his turn again, getting Matt. The older Hardy saw this as an opportunity to pay Jason back for Chris so he just went for it. Kissing the baby Bourne hard. When Matt pulled back, Evan was blushing, his eyes half-lidded.

Jay stared at Matt as he recoiled back into place. "Asshole." He muttered, wrapping an arm around Evan. Matt stuck his tongue out childishly.

The game continued on, no one realizing the damn bottle had seemed to land on the person next to the spinner almost every time. Either that, or they just didn't give a shit. It was just a silly game between friends. Fuck the detail. Jay took his turn. Getting Matt again. This time not taking 'no' for an answer. He grabbed Matt by the head and crushed their mouths together quite hard. Their teeth clanged from it.

"Oh, yeah." Maria giggled.

"Uh-huh! Get that shit, boy." Mickie added.

"Go, Jay-Jay. Go, Jay-Jay."

"Oh, hush up." Matt glared back at them, causing the girls to giggle madly. The bright red Hardy turned back to the game and took his turn. Getting Adam.

"Ooooh, this will be good." Maria whispered excitedly.

Adam looked down at the treacherous bottle then back up helplessly at Matt.

"Alright, hehehe.. Matt 'n' Adam." Chris rubbed his hands together, salivating almost.

"Matt, I..?" Adam swallowed. It wasn't like it was bad. Just weird that Matt was Jeff's brother.. What if they tasted alike or something..? No, that was ridiculous.

Matt sighed and pecked Adam gently on the forehead. "It's okay, Addams. All in good fun." He brushed his hand across Adam's cheek as he recoiled back to his spot. Ignoring the groans and 'awes' from disappointed on-lookers.

Adam went next. Not one hundred percent sure he really wanted to.

"Oh, whoa." Matt winced as it landed on Phil.

"He won't do it." Maria muttered. Mickie shushed her.

Adam bit his lip and leaned forward, closing his eyes. Phil scooted closer, leaning in and resting his hand on the side of Adam's face as he pecked the blonde softly on the lips. He lingered before parting his lips some as he dared to deepen it. Phil could still taste the faint hint of mouthwash and the mint on Adam's breath from where he had brushed his teeth after they got back. But there was something else. Something new, yet something familiar and oddly comforting in that kiss. It felt nice.. really nice.

Phil reach around, grabbing the back of Adam's head and pulling him closer. His fingers filing in Adam's long hair as he kissed the blonde harder. Adam let him, moaning softly under the ravenette's lips. Both men's breathing mildly hitched. Adam's heart was thumping heavily in his chest. A million things racing through his mind at once. All incoherent and jumbled together. This was new, but it felt good. Some sick part of him thought he probably needed it. Whether he wanted it or much less deserved it.

Adam inched his way closer, forgetting everything as he grabbed to the front of Phil's t-shirt. Feeling Phil's tongue push his lips apart a bit further before invading his mouth. All was quiet. Time had seemed to stop.

The rest of the room watched. Everyone dead silent and their mouths agape. The girls quietly whispered amongst themselves. Smiling and looking on with fascination.

Matt shook his head and blinked. "Uh.. guys.. um, that's enough.." The older Hardy squeaked out before clearing his throat.

Phil pulled back and brushed his lips across Adam's, panting lowly. "Sorry, Adam.. guess I got carried away." He apologized as his grip on Adam loosened.

Adam nodded and turned his head. Remembering what was going on. Evan's face was hidden behind his hand as he peeked through his open fingers. Chris and Jay were catching flies and Matt was tinted a nice shade of red. Maria and Mickie broke the silence by applauding.

"Oh, bravo!"

"Now that's what I'm talking about. Whoo!"

Maria whistled.

Adam swallowed thickly and bowed his head before getting up and bolting out of the room.

"Shit, Adam, wait." Jay took off after him.

"Dammit, Phil. Look what you did." Matt scolded. He knew it wasn't Phil's fault. He was just completely dumb-founded at the moment.

"Me?" Phil looked down. He didn't get it either.

"Oh, man. That shit was hott.. oh, my god." Chris smiled. "Matt, we gotz to go have sex now. I'm so fucking horny right now."

"Horndog." Evan muttered.

"And very proud, thank you." Chris stuck his tongue out and crossed his arms.

"I should be blaming you." Matt said. Chris ducked as he swatted him with a nearby magazine.

"Hey?!" He shouted, holding his arms up to protect himself.

"This shit was your idea."

"Matty, stop!" Chris whined as he was swatted once again.

"No. It's mine. I'm sorry, Matt. I know he's not been.. I should'a never made him play." Phil said quietly.

"What was that anyway?" Evan asked. "The kiss?"

Phil shook his head. "I dunno.. I just.. I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to." He sighed, getting up and retreating from the room in the opposite direction Adam had went.

"What was that about?" Chris asked.

Matt wet his lips. He was just as confused.

"I think they'd be cute." Maria giggled.

"Hey, yeah. They're both single, right? Both lonely. Why not?" Mickie put in, liking the idea.

"Oh, no." Matt said, getting up out of the floor. "Phil's never got over the thing with Mor and Adam's still pining over Jeff. They're both too vulnerable right now and just.. No.. It'd be a huge ass mistake."

"But because they're vulnerable they need each other. It could be good for them. It could help them heal." Mickie argued.

"Or it could back-fire and hurt them more in the long run." Matt went to the kitchen to get a beer. He needed it after that.

Mickie opened her mouth to dispute it, but closed it back. She understood Matt was just trying to keep the peace amongst his friends. But she didn't see the harm in letting two people who were obviously hurting to find comfort in each other.

Matt came back and Mickie sighed. "Alright. You're probably right." She said softly, looking down at her lover and patting her on the knee. "It's kinda late. You ready to go?"

"Yeah, party's bombed out anyways." Maria agreed as Mickie got up and helped her to her feet.

"It's not late. It's only 10 p.m." Chris stood and stretched, yawning tiredly.

"Honey, it's close to midnight." Matt reminded, looking at his watch.

"Yeah, and we wanna get home and try out all those new toys we bought last night." Mickie smirked up at Maria as the taller girl wrapped her arms around her neck.

"Oh, yeah." Maria grinned.

Chris grimaced and ran over to hide behind Matt. "Ewie, Matty! The lesbos are taunting me with their yucky lesbian action."

"Shut up, Chris." Matt sighed, taking a drink. He knew Chris was just joking. Chris pouted and Matt chuckled, turning to pet on his pouty blonde. "There, there. Those mean ole lesbians can't hurt you, Chrissy."

"Oh, bite us." Maria shouted as Mickie nudged her out the door. "Bye, Matt, Chris. Bye-Bye, Evy."

Mickie shook her head. "See ya, guys."

"Bye, girls." Matt shouted back as Evan waved.

"Meh." Chris grumbled. "Ow." He yelped as Matt pinched him. "Wuz that for?"

Matt shrugged. "Imma go see if Phil's okay." Before he could turn to go after him, Phil walked in.

"I'm fine, papa Hardy. Don't sweat it." Phil grabbed his jacket and put it on.

"What's wrong, Phil? Y'leaving?" Matt asked, concerned.

"Yeah.. I'm fine.. Just tired and hungry.. Tell Adam I'm really sorry, okay.. and uh, I wasn't trying to be a dick or anything..That was wrong." Phil said as he searched his pockets for his keys.

Matt walked over and placed a hand on the ravenette's shoulder. "Phil, is something bugging you, or something? I can't help if you won't talk to me."

"Nothing's wrong. And you're my friend, Matt, and I love ya. I'm grateful for all my bullshit that you tolerate.. but, you can't help me no more than you already have. Okay? Let it go for tonight." Phil patted Matt on the side of the arm, nodding at Evan and Chris before turning to the door.

"Okay, then. Um, talk to you later then, I guess." Matt said, dropping the issue.

Phil nodded and then left. A minute later Matt heard the car start, running for a minute before pulling out. The tires squealing on pavement as it drove away. Matt sighed, wondering how Jay was doing with Adam and wondering if he should go see. He decided against it, figuring Adam might snap at him too. Tonight was just one of those strange nights that Matt couldn't wait for to end.

--xx--

"I keep telling you, Jason. I'm fine. It's not like I've never kissed anyone before. It was just a kiss. Hell, you kissed Matt and Chris.. And you kissed Phil too." Adam pointed out. He had retreated to the spare bedroom he had been staying in.

"I know that.. But that's not the point, Addy. That was all in fun. It was for stupidity between friends. It was just.. Seemed different.. between you and Phil.." Jay sat on Adam's bed, picking at the covers along with the spin the bottle issue that was at hand.

Adam sighed and plopped down beside him. "Just trust me, it was nothing."

"I just don't wanna see you hurt anymore." Jay sighed. "Look, you're my brother and my best friend. I care about you, Adam, and it's killing me to see you this torn apart all the time. Jeff was important to you, and you loved him, I get all that. But, you need to let him go. He's already.."

"Please, Jay, just stop... I don't want to hear it.. just please.." Adam ran his fingers through his hair, gazing down at the floor.

Jay nodded and wrapped his arm around Adam's shoulders, pulling the blonde closer and squeezing him tightly. "It'll be okay, you know."

Adam shook his head and looked over at the short-haired blonde sadly. "I don't know, Jay. I just don't know."

_**"To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny.  
Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby?"**_

**

* * *

The spin the bottle thing was missing the following; Jeff, Morrison, Randy and a less mopey Addy. (reminds self to write a bigger and better spin the bottle scene when everyone isn't so conflicted somewhere else) Okay, inspiration for this came from three places. Chp 22 of 'A Sinful Fantasy' by NeroAnne (which had a cute spin the bottle game in it) chp 6 of 'The Thanksgiving Debacle' by Seraphalexiel (which had a smexy sex game in it) both had some influence on it (the Jay and Evan germs and the 'taste like failure' remark was inspired from 'The Thanksgiving Debacle') And I wrote this after playing the Sims 2 game and having my little created people (Morrison, Phil, Adam, Jeff-- yus, I like to create wrestlers in that game and make them make out for my amusement) play spin the bottle. Everytime the bottle lands on the spinner they has to kiss their own hand. The in-game game is very amusing (and somewhat frustrating) on a boring day. I wrote out how I wanted them sitting and didn't realize I was writing it to where the bottle landed on the person next to the spinner almost every time. I was gonna rewrite it, but liked it the way I had it, so I left it alone. It was a silly game between friends and shouldn't of needed that much attention to detail. I apologize for everything!! XP! **

**BTW, you guys could prolly guess this, but Mike in the last chap was Mizzie. Miz muse wanted that pointed out. I dunno what inspires Chris to talk the way he does in this story. Gah, look over me, I getz very confused when I stay uo too late... which is always..**


	5. Total Eclipse of the Heart

**(sighs) I luv miss Jeff and Edge, you have a point there. But, it was all in fun anyhow. Esha Napoleon, 1) Thank you. 2) That I will do :) Seraphalexiel, Jay turned out adorable in that one. XD. Perhaps. If I can get Jeff muse to cooperate. He's being all moody when it comes to this one. redsandman99, lol. Yus, he should :P takers dark lover, hm, maybe. Yes, we will see ;)**

**

* * *

Lost Memories;  
Chapter five/ 'Total Eclipse of the Heart'  
Rated; M/ L, (drinking)**

_**"Once upon a time I was falling in love  
But now I'm only falling apart  
There's nothing I can do  
A total eclipse of the heart  
Once upon a time there was light in my life  
But now there's only love in the dark  
Nothing I can say  
A total eclipse of the heart.." Total Eclipse of the Heart, Bonnie Tyler.**_

Phil lay in bed. His heavy eyes trying their damnedest to close and at the same time feeling like there were toothpicks keeping them open. His body was tired and weary. His mind was restless and his heart was heavy. There was too much on his mind. Tonight was weird to say the least. The sudden interest in Adam confused him. What was the kiss all about? It seemed so right.. and yet, it seemed kind of wrong. It felt kind of like he was.. being unfaithful in some way..

He knew that probably wasn't the truth.. it just kind of felt that way.

He still loved Mor and it bothered him a bit. He swore one day he'd get over it Morrison and let it all go. And if he found himself thinking about another man, was he really a monster for that?

Maybe that was a step to finally letting it go.

Saying it like that, though, made Phil think that would be taking advantage of Adam and he didn't want to do that. After-all, Adam just got burned in a bad break up. Jeff really fucking tore his heart a new one.

But it wasn't like that. Phil liked Adam. Adam was beautiful... And it wasn't like Adam pulled away from the kiss either. In fact, he pulled Phil closer.

Phil groaned. It could be a step to finally letting it go.. The problem was; He couldn't let it go.

All he could still think about or see when he closed his eyes was Johnny.. Johnny was still there. In his heart. Always.

That bashfully arrogant grin. Those warm brown eyes, so thoughtful. So curious. Phil could still feel how good his skin felt. How he smelled was trapped forever in his mind. The softness of his long brown hair. The sound of his giggles whenever Phil would tickle him. How his body fit perfectly to Phil's as they'd lay in bed. If there was one thing Phil knew for certain, it was that him and John fit.. or at least he thought he knew.

Phil sighed and reach out beside him, grasping empty sheets before punching the bed, a tired and drained groan escaping him. He wanted the impossible. He wanted his John Morrison back and that just wasn't happening. He didn't want to be alone anymore either. Phil moved his hand up to grab what was once Mor's pillow, dragging it down beside him and snuggling up to it like he used to snuggle up behind Johnny. Phil knew it was crazy, but he swore the thing still smelled like his former lover. Phil closed his eyes and nuzzled his face down into the pillow, breathing it in. He swore one day he'd let it all go. He promised.

--xx--

Adam lay in bed. Fitfully tossing and turning. Nerves twitching and aching all over as his body begged him to just give in to sleep. But, even though the blonde was dead tired, he just couldn't shut his mind off. Too many thoughts raged through his head. Sighing, Adam looked at the alarm clock that sat on the night stand by the bed. It was 2 a.m. Adam rubbed his hands over his face, groaning in frustration.

It was just a kiss.

Just a kiss.

It was nothing.

There was no need to get worked up over it at all.

Phil was still suffering. Adam knew that. And people are allowed to make rash decisions out of turmoil. It's human nature... Still.. kissing him felt good. Being kissed felt good.

It made Adam forget how betrayed he felt. If only for a tiny moment. It also made him conflicted.

Adam sighed again and turned over to his side. Snuggling up in his covers. He was too tired to deal with this shit.

_Adam wiped off the table he was bussing, holding the large black tub-like tray with the dirty dishes and glasses in it at his side and trying not to drop it. His back hurt. He was sore and tired and just wanted to go home. The nightclub wasn't too packed. They weren't busy. They didn't need him... But Adam needed the money, so he couldn't leave._

_Adam raised up with a faint groan and tossed the rag into the tray and wiped his forehead with his arm, sighing and looking up at a roll of yellow, red, orange and blue lights hanging above him. After he paid his way through college, the 22 year old could get a real job. Adam picked up the tray and carried it to the back. Wanting to just hurry up and get done as quickly as possible._

_Jeff walked up to the bar. Hunter immediately groaned upon seeing the younger Hardy. _

_"Hey, Hunter. Smirnoff, on the rocks. Make it quick." He demanded, slapping his hand down on the bar. Acting like he was an impatient customer with somewhere actually to get to later._

_Hunter cocked and eye at the underage male. "Does, uh.. does Matt know you're here? How'd you get in here anyway?" Hunter asked, scratching at his long hair. Lousy security wasn't worth a damn._

_"Meh, Matt's not my keeper. Besides, me and the bouncer are tight. How's Shawny?" Jeff asked, sitting down and folding his arms together on the bar top._

_"Bitchy as usual." Hunter muttered._

_"Period problems?" Jeff smirked._

_"Ugh, now, Jeff. That kind of banter about my Shawny will not be tolerated. Besides, Shawn's missed his period for two weeks now. God, I hope he's not pregnant." Hunter joked dryly._

_Jeff laughed. "He hears you talking like that and you're not getting any for weeks."_

_"He can't resist me and he knows it." Hunter beamed proudly. An arrogant look of confidence spread across his face._

_"Yeah, yeah. I bet. Gonna get my beer?" Jeff tilted his head up at him, tapping his black painted fingernails on the bar top._

_"Now, Jeff, damn it. You know I can't serve you alcohol." The older man reminded for the millionth time that month alone. He shook out his towel with a flick of his wrist and picked up a glass._

_"But I'm almost 21, Hunter. No one has to know." Jeff protested._

_"You're 19, Jeff." Hunter pointed out, wiping out the glass before sitting it back in its place and getting another._

_"Well, I'm close."_

_Hunter shook his head, his hand resting on his hip._

_"Give it to me in a coffee cup. That way I won't look suspicious." Jeff kept at it._

_"Kid, you're gonna be the death of me. And my business."_

_A loud clatter made both of them turn their heads. The noise was Adam, who had tripped and fell to his knees, catching himself on his hands and in the process causing the black tray to fly from his grasp as he did so. His long blond hair had fell over his face and he turned a deep shade of crimson knowing that people were now staring. He hated the nights when Jay and Chris left him alone to fend for himself. _

_Jeff watched him as the clumsy blonde pushed his hair from his face, peeking sheepishly around before moving to gather up the dishes that had spilled and scattered during his fall. Jeff smiled, biting his lip and nodding his head. He had his eyes on Adam for awhile now and had heard Adam was interested in him as well.. but Jeff never had much of a chance to talk to him. Matt usually held up Adam's time, since they were closer in age. That and Matt was trying to get in Adam and Jay's good graces so he could also get in Chris' good graces. Jeff knew his older brother had it bad for Chrissy. It was cute.. but somewhat pitiful._

_Adam looked up, muttering a small 'sorry' as someone passed him by, raking his hair behind his ears before grabbing the tray and standing up. He bowed his head and continued on his way._

_"See something you like, kiddo?" Hunter smirked, drawing back Jeff's attention._

_"Oh, yes." Jeff nodded. Definitely._

_"Yeah, he's a good kid. A bit klutzy, but a good kid just trying to put himself through school. Good friend of Randy and Chris." Hunter sighed, talking mainly to himself. "Which is the only reason I put up with him."_

_"Eh, he's ain't so bad." Jeff didn't look back at Hunter as he got off the bar stool, making his way over to the blonde. He winced as Adam almost collided with someone and dropped the tray again._

_"Ugh, watch it!" The skinny blond woman cried out. She looked at Adam with disdain and trotted back towards the dance floor. She could barely walk in those high heels and really just needed them shoved up her bony ass. Michelle was her name. Some spiteful ex teacher who won the lottery and made it big.. well, big for this town._

_"Sorry." Adam sighed, putting his head in his hands and dragging them down his face before bending to pick it all back up. Quickly placing all the items back in the tray._

_"Hey there, pretty thang. Bad day?" Jeff greeted. Crouching down to help him._

_"You have no idea." Adam mumbled, picking up the tray. They both stood and Adam took the glass Jeff was handing him. "Thanks, Jeff."_

_"S'okay, Addy." Jeff smiled and pieces of Adam melted. "Hey, you wanna take a break and dance with me?"_

_"Uhh..? Hunter.. Hunter might kill me." Adam lied. _

_"Eh, he won't mind. C'mon, you look like you could use it." Jeff said, taking the tray from Adam and sitting it down on a nearby table before grabbing hold of Adam's hands and pulling him along._

_Adam was about to protest when Jeff stopped.  
_

_"Oh, wait." He said, untying the apron that was wrapped around Adam's torso. "This has to go." Jeff stuck his tongue out past his lips, lifting the apron up over Adam's head before tossing it back at the table. "Better." He sighed thoughtfully before leading Adam to the floor._

_"Jeff, I can't really.." Adam's voice almost cracked under his nervousness. _

_Jeff took hold of Adam's wrists and put the Canadian's arms around his neck before Jeff's hands laid softly on Adam's hips. The blonde swallowed and gazed around before letting his eyes drop down to Jeff as the younger man began swaying to the soft beat of the slow song that was playing. Adam didn't even know what song it was. Not that it much mattered. The melody was good enough._

_"I can't.. I can't dance.."_

_"Shh.. just move to the music. It's easy.. just relax and follow my lead." Jeff whispered, leading the blonde as their bodies gently swayed to the song. _

_Adam nodded and tried to relax. Jeff's hands on his hips made him feel like jello. He had lusted after Jeff for so long, but didn't think Jeff would be much interested. That and there was really no time to find out with how hectic his life had been these days. He and Jeff had been friendly acquaintances, nothing more.  
_

_"So, where's Matt tonight?" Adam asked, making small talk._

_"Took Chris out. Friendly little date." Jeff replied._

_"He finally decided to give in, eh?" Adam smiled._

_"I guess. Poor Chris. He doesn't know what he's in for." Jeff snickered._

_Adam grinned. "Neither does Matt." He said and they both shared a little laugh._

_"Maybe we should go out with them sometime. Y'know, a double-date thing? Four friends, having fun." Jeff suggested._

_Adam swallowed. His heart fluttering a bit. But he managed to keep what little cool he had left. Which, it turned out, wasn't much after tonight. "You asking me out, Hardy?"_

_Jeff shrugged. "Maybe. Interested?" _

_"Maybe." Adam muttered, biting his lip._

_"Does maybe mean no, or does maybe mean yes?" Jeff asked coyly._

_"It means maybe."_

_Jeff rolled his eyes and moved his hands on around to Adam's lower back, pulling him closer. He was silent for a second as they danced. His gaze directed on the floor._

_"Okay. We can go out. Jeez, no need to pout." Adam playfully huffed._

_"I'm not pouting." Jeff grinned wryly._

_"You are so pouting." Adam smirked._

_Jeff bit his lip and looked up at him. "I dun pout."_

_"Bullshit, Mr. Jeff Hardy. Mister, I can bat my pretty eyes and stick out my bottom lip and Matt will gimme whatever I want." Adam teased._

_"You can?" Jeff blinked. "Wow."_

_Adam blinked that time. "I wasn't talking about me, you nutcase. I was talking about you."_

_Jeff chuckled. "Oh, okay... So? You think my eyes are pretty?" Jeff asked, batting his eyes._

_Adam blushed. They were beautiful. "No." He fibbed._

_"Awe, Addy. I'm crushed." Jeff said with a wry smirk. The blonde looked so damn cute blushing like that. "Too bad. I think your eyes are pretty. Very very pretty, in fact."_

_"Ye..yeah..?" Adam squeaked._

_Jeff giggled. "Uh-huh. Gorgeous."_

_Adam flushed again and pulled back, rubbing the back of his neck. "Um.. I need to get back to work and finish up.. But a date sounds nice.. Just, uh.. what about Jay?"_

_Jeff shrugged. "We'll find him someone.. or he can chaperon."_

_Adam snorted. "I'm sure he'd love that." He said sarcastically. "See ya, Jeff." He nodded before taking back off to his tray._

_"Bye, Addy." Jeff bit his lip, watching him leave. Soon Adam would be all his. He just knew it._

_--xx--_

_Adam sat beside Jeff on a fallen tree trunk at the lake. Listening to the water gently slosh around at the shore. It was night and a gentle breeze was in the air on the warm summer day. Stars lit the bluish black sky and a half moon hung overhead. A fish jumped up, causing a small splash and little ripples in the water. _

_"I really like you, Adam.. I want to give us a try. Y'know, me and you as a couple? I think we could be really great together." Jeff said, lifting his head off Adam's shoulder. His arm was wrapped around the blonde as they sat enjoying the peacefulness._

_"I dunno, Jeff.. I really like you too.. but.." Adam sighed and looked down at the ground._

_"But, what?" Jeff asked, rubbing the blonde's back._

_Adam took a deep breath. "I don't think I have time for a relationship right now. I mean there's school and work and everything's so damn hectic."_

_"Well, we don't hafta get serious right now or anything.. I just want you to be with me. You're all I think about, Adam. And I know you think about me too."_

_Jeff was right about that. Adam thought about him night and day. He was crazy about Jeff and that scared him a little bit. They had already went out a few times, nothing exclusive. Adam liked being around Jeff. Jeff was easy to talk to. Jeff understood him. He felt good around Jeff. He felt whole. Like he fit._

_"Look," Jeff turned to his side to face Adam, taking hold of the blonde's hands as Adam turned to face Jeff as well. Adam looked down at Jeff's hands as the younger male's thumbs caressed his knuckles. "We don't have to complicate this. We can go slow, just have fun. See what happens and where it takes us." Jeff swallowed, his eyes scanning the pretty blonde's face. "Please, Adam.. give me a chance to make you happy. You deserve to be happy."_

_Adam smiled and looked up at him. Jeff's hair was pulled up into a ponytail, the front part of his shorter bangs that were usually pushed back, blowing a bit in the breeze. _

_"Okay, Jeff. Okay." Adam agreed softly._

_Jeff smiled back and wrapped his arms around Adam. Squeezing his blonde tightly._

_"Thank you, Adam. I'll make you so happy..."_

Jeff's voice still echoed in his mind. Still after all these years. That long gone, broken promise still lingered. Such a damned lie.

Adam found himself in the kitchen, going through Matt's liquor. Finding one that sparked his interest and pouring himself a glass. The shitty part was, he believed Jeff that night. Believed that he could have what he wanted for a change. Could have the man he so desired. Adam had been more afraid to pursue Jeff because he didn't want to be rejected. He didn't want to be hurt. So when Jeff started pursuing him, Adam believed... All those years he believed and he was happy.. So he didn't understand why Jeff did this to him now. Not after all that time they spent together.

Jeff just up and got bored with him. Wanted something else. Jeff got sick of him. And now Adam wasn't happy. Adam felt like shit. Total and utter shit.

Adam turned the glass up to his lips, drowning the whole thing.

Fuck it.

Fuck everything.

He was just tired of every fucking thing.

**

* * *

Ugh, sometimes I dunno know what it wants, I just go with it. The next chapter popped into my head and even though I wrote it down exactly how I wanted it in my head, it still felt weird to me. Jeff is not coming out how I usually write him in fics. He seems more conflicted and confused than Phil and Addy do. Meh, with this one, I'm going with whatever pops into my head. I wanna get past their confliction though. I wanna start working on Phil and Adam. I dunno why, but I'm liking how Phil is turning out. Very different than he usually is in fics. Bratty, preachy, and a little dictator mostly. But, I get enuff of preachy Punkers. I don't want him preachy (CM Jesus-like) here. He can be a savior without crucifying anyone. Least in here. Italics were a flashback of Adam's when him and Jeff were younger. Next chapter is sex. Next chapter is a 2 on 1. Anyone wanna guess who gets double-teamed by who? Hint; It's not Punk at least, lol!**


	6. Poker Face

**Threesome I have never wrote in this one O.o LegacyChick, well, you were half right. It is Jeff by Randy and someone else, lol. Esha Napoleon, thank you, XD. redsandman99, awe, yes they do. (huggles Addy and Philly) Poor boys. I luv miss Jeff and Edge, (sighs) I can't say to hell with Punk in this one. I feel a bit bad for Jeff & Adam though. I'm always breaking their hearts ;)**

**

* * *

Lost Memories;  
Chapter six/ 'Poker Face'  
Rated; M/ L, S (oral, rimming, anal, double penetration, 2 on 1)**

_**"I wanna roll with him, a hard pair we will be  
A little gambling is fun when you're with me (I love it)  
Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun  
And baby when it's love, if it's not rough, it isn't fun (fun)**_

_**Oh, oh, oh,  
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got  
Oh, oh, oh,  
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got**_

_**Can't read my,  
Can't read my,  
No, he can't read my poker face  
(She's got to love nobody)  
Can't read my,  
Can't read my,  
No, he can't read my poker face  
(She's got to love nobody).." Poker Face, Lady Gaga**_

"Game's called 5 Card Stud." Randy smirked, shuffling the deck of cards.

"Really? Who's the stud?" Mike Mizanin said dryly, pursing his lips.

"Me." Randy's smirk got even wider as he started to deal them out. Mike continued his glare. "Fine, we'll play something sissified like Go Fish. Got any cash?"

"Nope." Mike admitted, turning his chair around and sitting down in it backwards like he was the epitome of cool. "Broke this week again. Lousy economy."

Randy scoffed and scooped up his cards as did Mike. "Now, Miz," He looked at him point blank as he straightened them out in his hands. "You know it's not the economy's fault that you're a lazy bum." The taller male grinned.

"Whatever." Miz grumbled. "This game is lame, man." He said, putting down the cards.

"You suck. Got any two's?" Randy asked, watching Miz pick back up the cards.

Mike sighed and looked through them. "Go fish."

"Toldja we should've played 5 Card Stud." Randy taunted, not finding his two.

Miz looked over at Jeff, who was busy folding his laundry. They were down in Randy's basement, chilling and hanging out. It was late. Jeff bent over and reached far back into the dryer to retrieve a sock. Mike studied him, wetting his lips as he watched Jeff's hips absent-mindedly sway as he did the little chore. Jeff's shirt was coming up, exposing his skin and his pants were so low that Miz almost could see heaven perfectly. The black thong he wore was visible and his hip bones were sticking out, just begging to be grabbed and held while someone slammed into his tight little..

"Mike, ya with me?" Randy snapped his fingers in front of Mike's face.

Mike looked back at Randy and grinned mischievously. "How 'bout we sweeten this deal? Let's play Black Jack."

Randy looked back at Jeff as the younger Hardy brother stood up and stretched, his muscles defined so nicely under the simple movement. "What do you have in mind?"

Mike just continued his smirk.

--xx--

A few minutes in and Mike and Randy were about even. So even Mike's chair had become turned back around to the right way. The wager was simple; Randy won, Mike washes his car for a week. Mike won, Mike gets a piece of Jeff.

"Put me on the line again?" Jeff asked coyly. Not that he much minded. He had his eyes on Mike for sometime now.

"Wasn't my fault." Randy faked a pout. "Mean ole Mizanin suckered me into it."

"I bet." Jeff smirked. Those full lips, curling up sinisterly.

Mike looked at his cards as Randy impatiently waited. He was kindly hoping Mike would win. Not because he wanted his car to continue to go filthy, but because it was kind of hott to watch Jeff with someone else. He imposed one time with Adam.. it didn't happen. Stupid fucking blonde bitch. Too fucking blind. Randy was still hott and bothered from earlier. Lousy Phil Brooks. What was that little twerp's problem getting involved like that? It was none of his damn business.

Then again, course it was. Adam was Matt's business and Matt and Punk (as he was known in high school) were besties or some fucking shit. They probably were both fucking Adam. Fucking him like the little slut that he was. Randy wet his lips. Growing more agitated by the second.

"Dammit, Mike, call it." He growled. His cock starting to twitch in his pants as all kinds of dirty visions filled his head.

Mike stared at the cards again. He had a 10 and a 6. 16. "Fine. Hit me."

Randy smirked coldly. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, motherfucker. You're wasting my time. Fucking hit me."

Randy gave a facial shrug. "Okay." Randy tossed him a card and looked at his own. He had a pair of 9's. 18 was sure to beat him... or maybe not.. It was a crap shoot.

Mike made a distressed face and a silent 'ooh' sound.

Randy showed his cards. "18, bitch. What'cha got?"

Mike looked up at his friend. Orton was covered in a light sweat. His top lip was twitching in anticipation. Mike turned his cards over; 10, 6, and a 3. "19, cunt. I win."

Jeff smirked and shook his head, Randy sunk back into his chair.

"Bitch."

"Nuh-uh," Mike wet his lips and glanced at Jeff. "Not tonight."

"Alright. I'm a fair man. Jeff, go give Mizzie here his prize." Randy said, taking Jeff by the arm and guiding him around the table.

"Yeah, baby. Let's see what you got." Mike grinned, scooting his chair out from the table. He went to wrap his arms around Jeff's waist when the younger Hardy slipped down to his knees in front of Miz on the floor. "Wow, slutty little bitch you got, Orton." He said as he looked down at Jeff, carding his fingers through his messy dyed hair.

Jeff licked his lips, fighting to undo Mike's belt loop. He set it free before unfastening his pants.

"Wait till ya feel him wrapped around you." Randy smirked, sitting back to watch the show.

Miz shuddered, his fingers tightening and relaxing in Jeff's hair as Jeff reached down inside his pants. Making the younger male groan as he firmly took hold of his cock, stroking him as he brought it out into the open.

"Oh, fuck, yeah, bitch. Lemme feel your mouth... Oh, fuck.." Mike grunted as Jeff's lips slid down over his head, sucking him hungrily. "That's it, bitch... so fucking naughty.." He groaned, tossing his head back and getting lost in the feel of Jeff's mouth on his dick. It felt wonderful. The little twat sure knew what he was doing.

"Feel good, Mizzie?" Randy panted, his pants getting tighter as he watched his lover's head bob up and down in his friend's lap.

"Fucking wonderful.. oh, fucking shit.. suck me, bitch.. suck me nice and hard.. Oh, yeah.. that's great.." Mike grunted as Jeff took him as far as he could get him, relaxing his throat muscles and deliberately coughing. Gagging around Mike's thick width.

It was just technique. Whatever to him. Sex was sex. It wasn't love and it wasn't a big deal anymore. He had enough of it being a big deal. He tried. He failed. Now it was a bullshit lost memory to be burned in a fire.

Jeff pulled his lips back off, swirling his tongue around the head some before lapping at the slit. Mike yanked his hair hard. Rough and desperately. Jeff winced and bit at the head with his teeth, making the younger male gasp.

"Oh, shit.. fucking hell cat.. ohh, fuck.. Feisty bitch.."

Randy got up and strolled over to them. Causing Jeff to squeak and Mike to moan as he slapped Jeff on the ass.

"Good, ain't he?" Randy smirked.

"The best." Mike panted.

Randy chuckled and got down on his knees behind Jeff. He grabbed to the colorful locks and lifted Jeff's head up as he leaned over him. Mike held his dick up, aiming at Jeff's pretty arousal swollen lips as Jeff nibbled and licked at the head.

"That's it, Jeff.. make Mikey here feel special.. He likes having his cock stuffed down your throat.. Don't you, Mikey..?" Randy taunted.

"Fuck yes.." Mike growled, rubbing his cock at the case. Shaking it in Jeff's face.

"You like sucking him off to, don'tcha, Jeffy?"

"Yes.. Randy... love it.. tastes so fucking good.." Jeff murmured as he played it up. Jerking his head some.

"Knew you did.." Randy growled lustfully as he lowered Jeff's head back down over Mike's cock, helping him move it up and down. Jeff choked as Mike hit the back of his throat. "That's it, Jeffy.. take that cock down your pretty little throat.. you love choking on dick as it's shoved down your throat.. Show Mizzie here how much you love it.."

Jeff growled and closed his eyes. To any other, this was degrading. But the sick thing was.. Jeff stopped and thought about that.. He didn't know what it was and he'd rather just ignore it. It wasn't worth it. He'd just take it. Wasn't like he didn't get nothing out of it.

"Good, bitch.. good, bitch.." Randy released Jeff's head and recoiled back behind him, dancing his fingers along his spine and over to his hips as he did so. Randy looked down and smiled as Jeff's hips swayed. Watching the younger Hardy shift his legs apart some. "Look at you.. all nice and slutty.. such a pretty thing.. Too pretty to be dominate.."

Jeff mentally bit his tongue. He'd let it slid. Even if deep down, he feared Orton was right.

Randy smacked him hard on the ass, loving how Jeff whimpered. Mike loved those whimpers too as they vibrated through his cock.

"Oh, yeah.. gonna fuck your ass so hard.. you're not gonna be able to walk tomorrow.. much less sit down.." Randy smacked him again and Jeff screamed out involuntarily. He reach back to rub his sore booty, only to have Randy swat his hand away before reaching underneath him to unfasten his jeans. Randy's fingers brushed along his abs, dancing around to his back. He grabbed to the sides of the jeans, jerking them down his hips and on off past the boots. Leaving the belt on and nearly ripping the tight ass jeans in the process. Randy ran his hands up the back of Jeff's thighs, spreading his cheeks and using his fingers to move the thong out of the way. Jeff shivered under the cold, whimpering as he felt Randy lick across his asshole.

"Oh, fuck.. harder, Jeff.. don't stop.. suck me harder.." Miz begged, squirming in his chair. Jeff's mouth had the ability to make a sane man a raving mess. Maybe that's why Adam let a twink bitchify him? Jeff's glorious mouth.

Randy wet his lips, sending his tongue out for another taste before pressing his lips to Jeff's pucker and sucking. Jeff dug his nails into Mike's pants. Still mouth fucking Miz and moaning sweetly around his dick. Jeff wiggled him hips desperately. His cock throbbing and straining painfully underneath the tight little black thong.

Randy pulled back and jerked the thong down to Jeff's knees. Quickly unfastening his own jeans and freeing his hard cock from its confines. He couldn't take it anymore. He was aching and badly needed to find relief. Jeff screamed and pulled away from Mike's cock as Randy plunged inside him. Not giving a warning. Just entering him full and to the fucking hilt.

"Asshole... oh, fuck.. uhm.. you bitch.. I hate you so fucking bad right now!" Jeff complained as pain ran up his lower back.

Randy just laughed and smacked his bitching lover on the ass. "You fucking love it.."

"Fuck you.. oh, god.." Jeff groaned, his head collapsing down on Mike's thigh as Randy started to pound him. His fingers clawing at Mike's pants, pinching skin underneath and causing a twinge to go through the younger man as they did so. Mike tugged at Jeff's hair. Needing Jeff's mouth back on him before he literally exploded. He sure felt like he would anyhow.

Randy laughed at Jeff's little outbursts again, slapping Jeff on the ass again. His cock driving in and out of the smaller male relentlessly as he held onto the belt that was still fastened loosely around Jeff's hips. Jeff was like fucking magic. He was so tight and his asshole was so small. It was amazing. Jeff had to have been with a lot of guys and he couldn't have always been the top. It was incredible how he stayed so fucking tight.

"Yeah.. you like that, little bitch..?"

"Ooh, fuck you! Uhm.. fuck.. uhm.. fuck.. uhm! Fuck!" Jeff cried out as Randy pulled all the way out before shoving back in as hard as he could. Repeating and almost taking Jeff's breath. Jeff wasn't going to lie to himself. It fucking hurt and it was painful as hell.. but, Jeff had been through worse than this. This wasn't nothing. Just rough sex with someone who had to be an asshole and not properly prepare him. Randy would fucking pay for this later.

Mike groaned as Jeff remembered him and took him back in his mouth. Whimpering around his cock as he went to work. Mike shifted, sitting up some and running his hands as far as they could go down Jeff's back, lifting up the end of the shirt a bit before letting it go. Mike grabbed onto Hardy's shoulders. Looking down to watch Randy fuck the smaller male. He thought he'd fucking break the bitch with as hard as he was thrusting into him. Randy slapped Jeff on the ass a couple of times. The smacks resounding loud through the chilly room. His hands leaving red imprints in their wake. Randy rubbed his palm over them roughly, pulling the flesh apart some so he could admire his cock pushing in and out of Jeff's hole. Such a sweet sight.

_"Let me go." _

_"Why are you doing this, Randy?"_

_"You knew. Why, Randy? Why? Why did you do this shit to me?"_

_"Let me go, Randy."_

Fucking little bitch. Randy smirked, pulling out and standing up. Jeff took his mouth off Mike's cock and gingerly got to his feet, his asshole a little more tender now. He'd live.

Randy wrapped his arms around him from behind. Jeff looked back as Randy cupped him under the chin and pulled him in for a kiss. Sliding his tongue past Jeff's lips as he devoured his mouth. Jeff moaned under it. It sounded so fucking slutty. Mike wet his lips. Breathing heavy. Watching them. It was so fucking hott he almost melted. Randy pulled back and pecked the younger Hardy.

"Now, go show Mike how good you feel." Randy coaxed, releasing Jeff and slapping him on the ass as Jeff moved forward, stepping out of his thongs before straddling the man known as The Miz.

Mike's hands grabbed to Jeff's slender hips as they hovered above his throbbing erection. Jeff wiggled them, arching his back and spreading his legs as he put all his weight on the balls of his feet. Jeff's hands went to Mike's shoulders, grabbing at his shirt as he lowered himself down to Mike's cock. Mike moved his hands back toward Jeff's ass, splaying his cheeks apart some, his cock poking at his entrance and rubbing across it before slipping out of position. Jeff removed his hand from Mike's shoulder and reached down to help guide Mike's cock into his waiting hole. Baring down as he lowered himself all the way on it.

"Oh, fuck.. he's so tight.." Mike hissed. Jeff was fucking suffocating him. And it felt fucking wonderful. "Oh, my god.. holy shit.." Mike panted, wincing as Jeff raised up and slammed back down hard on Mike's shaft with a growl and a grunt. "Mhm.. fuck.. that's a tight ass.."

"Yeah.. you like that shit, Mizzie.. He feel amazing, or what..?" Randy panted, watching them and stroking his cock some.

"Fucking wonderful.. oh, fuck.. Fuck yourself.. fuck yourself with this big cock.. show me what a good little cockslut Randy says you are.. Oh, yeah.." The younger male taunted.

Jeff bit his lip and raised his shirt over his head, tossing it away and shuddering under the chill he felt on his bare flesh. Jeff replaced his hands back on Mike's shoulders and wriggled his hips, getting adjusted some before setting a pace. Bouncing up and down on Mike's cock as hard as he could.

"Ah, fuck.. ride me, bitch.. yeah, you fucking like wriggling on my dick..? Oohm.. so fucking good, baby.. so fucking hott.." Mike growled, staring into Jeff's green eyes. His hands running up Jeff's hips and grabbing to his waist tightly. Jeff let out a whorish whimper and grabbed Mike by the head with both hands, pressing his lips to his and kissing him hard. Mike groaned as his bottom lip was caught between Jeff's teeth, being nibbled and sucked on as the younger Hardy rode him.

Randy gritted his teeth. Watching his lover. Watching Jeff fuck himself on Mike's cock as it slid in and out of him. Watching the chill bumps travel over Jeff's writhing naked form and watching Mike's hands rub up and down Jeff's back.

_"That's all he is; A whore to you anyway."_

"That's it.. oh, my god.. that's it!"

"Uhm.. you fucking like that shit, Miz..? Like me fucking myself on your pole..? Riding your fucking cock..? Uhm, yeah.." Jeff whimpered whorishly. Determination in his voice.

Randy growled and moved toward them. Crouching down behind Jeff and pushing him forward. Jeff grunted and closed his eyes as he was being shoved flush up against Mike's chest. Mike held him tighter, looking over the smaller male's shoulder as Randy took hold of himself, rubbing his cock a bit before starting to push inside the already stuffed hole. Jeff winced and held his breath. Whimpering pitifully and burying his head in Mike's chest as Randy thrust his way inside. Jeff let out that breath hard, screaming. Pain wracking up through his spine and tingling through his arms and his toes.

"Fucking asshole! Oh, god.. warn someone.. Fuck.. Oh, fuck.." Jeff cried through gasps for air. His asshole felt like it was being ripped in two and his insides being gutted with a knife.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God." Mike groaned, loving how both of them inside Jeff felt. He had never participated in a double anal before.

Jeff had. But that time preparations had been made. Randy jerked Jeff's head back by the hair and kissed his neck, licking up his throat and making all kinds of horny grunting and panting noises.

"Randy.. please.. oh, god.. so full.. fuck.. uhm.. please.. move.. do something.."

"Ask nicely." Randy smirked, biting into Jeff's shoulder.

"Please.. fuck me.. both of you.. fuck me hard.. make me cry.. make me bleed.." Jeff whined, wiggling his hips the best he could.

Randy and Mike both groaned. That request was just too damn much.

"Oh, fuck.. do something.. oh, shit.." Mike clinched his teeth. His hands going down to wrap under Jeff's legs and hold him still.

"That's better.. hold still, Jeff.." Randy licked his lips, shoving Jeff forward again and starting to thrust. Pushing Jeff's hips up and down on Mike's cock in the process.

Jeff cried out and dug his nails in Mike's back. Screaming in pain. In pleasure. And in agony. His asshole was on fire and his cock was aching. Twitching and leaking against Mike's stomach.

Jeff let out a whimpered whine. "Ohh.. oh, please.. fuck.. somebody, please.. rub me.."

Randy grabbed to Jeff's hips, growling next to his ear. "Feel good, Jeffy..? Like being stuffed by our big cocks..? Huh? Like that, bitch..?"

"Uhm-hm.. so hard.." Jeff gasped. He gritted his teeth as a sharp pain echoed through him. Followed by a small spark of intense pleasure. Someone had gotten his hidden button. He didn't know who and he didn't care.

"Rub yourself, Jeff.. rub yourself for me.." Randy coaxed, redirecting Jeff's hand down in between him and Miz. Jeff took hold of himself, stroking his cock almost absent-mindedly. Shuddering under his own touch as he rubbed up and down his length.

Mike groaned, silently watching the explosion before him and enjoying the ride. The two were worse than a train wreck/porno flick. Both waiting to crash.

"Fuck.." Mike turned his head into Jeff's neck, thrusting upwards the best the constriction would allow. His cock rubbing against Randy's as they both moved in and out of Jeff felt amazing.

Jeff whimpered again, flushing as his prostate was rammed. "Please.. wanna.. wanna.. oh, god.. fucking shit.." He cursed as he came. Mumbling nonsensical half words under his breath. Probably ruining Mike's shirt as he released. Like he fucking cared. He didn't care about any damn thing right now.

Mike groaned as he felt Jeff's walls get tighter around their widths. Choking them.

"Fucking bitch.. take it.. take those dicks like the good little whore you are.. Oh, fucking shit.. shit shit SHIT." Randy yelled as he came. His orgasm triggering Mike's. Both of them filling Jeff completely full.

"Oh, hell.. oh, my...fuck!"

Jeff collapsed against Mike's chest. They all held still for a minute. Resting a little while in post orgasmic bliss. Randy moved to get up first, panting and pulling out of Jeff slowly. Watching a load of cum and some blood literally spill from Jeff's asshole as he raised himself off Mike. Jeff weakly got up and grabbed a nearby towel, wrapping it around his waist. Turning wordlessly toward the stairs. Limping up them. Randy swallowed as he looked back.

"You owe me." Jeff said quietly before gingerly climbing up them and disappearing through the door. Randy stared over at Mike. The man who was originally from Ohio was still trying to calm his breathing down. Staring back at Randy blankly.

"What?" Randy shrugged. "He's just as much a freak."

Mike shook his head and zipped himself up. "I didn't say a word."

"Well, good." Randy smarted, fixing his pants.

**

* * *

I'm not much of a card player. I've played some Black Jack with my cousin and grandfather and that's about it and it was long ago (and for pennies, XP). But after watching Supernatural where they were playing cards with a man witch, this idea popped into my head. I dunno, I knew what I wanted for this scene, but I couldn't get Jeff to cooperate. Jeff muse is pissed at me, BTW. Him and Randy muse don't get along and he refuses to be Orton's bitch. **_**Randy muse: Ha! Jeff muse: Cram it, Orton! Randy muse: (laughing menacingly) Jeff muse: You go to hell! You go to hell and you die! Randy muse: (continues laughing before making scary 'OoOohing' noises and wiggling his fingers) **_**I also don't know about Jeff in this fic either. It's confusing. I can see Randy playing Go Fish for cash :P I still had to keep him an asshole in this one. Also, I dun care if the rules of their little card game was entirely accurate. It was just two idiots playing in a basement by their own rules for Jeff's sweet little ass. **

**And look! I can STILL bottom Jeffers. I lurv a toppy Jeffy, but I can still bottom him. **


	7. If I Die Tomorrow

**I luv miss Jeff and Edge, hm.. I dunno. Lol, who knows with me. Jeff's always so possessive. Esha Napoleon, at least he should, hehe :P redsandman99, yeah, me too. XD! LegacyChick, glad you liked it :) And my evil Randy muse (and me) thanks you ;) JoMoFan-spot, from chp 4, 'Twisted Jealousy' is actually still on my mind to do. I may change it just a bit then as described in 'Muse Troubles', but I kinda want a fic where the Hardys are fighting over Addy. It's usually Matt and Adam fighting for Jeff, or Jeff and Adam fighting for Matt (which is okay) But, it's never really the brothers fighting each other for Addy. _Jeff muse: (growls) I never agreed to Punk having my Addy.. But, Terrah sez I has no other choice. (glares at me) Terrah: Oh, get off it. Judging by a few of my other stories, you've more than had your fun. Hunter muse: Hey, Terrah? Don't it strike you as odd that you have two grown men in your head arguing over who's prettier? Terrah: Nope. Not in the slightest. Besides, they may be grown in body, but not in mind._ I kinda like Matt being caring/protective with Adam. That 'Matt hates Adam' deal is fun, but sometimes it gets kinda old. Esp when Adam hasn't done anything to him in a fic. Which he hasn't here. Chp 5, hehe, you are being a bit forward. I haven't even went that forward :P I dunno, between 'Sold' and this I'm stuck on angsty Adam. And thanks to some Punk/Edge videos on You Tube I'm liking the idea of punk saving Adam more and more. Chp 6, yeah, I still have some stuff to reveal yet here ;)**

**

* * *

Lost Memories;**  
**Chapter seven/ 'If I Die Tomorrow'**  
**Rated; M/ L, (stripper dancing, drinking theme) **

Adam walked in the kitchen to find Matt and Chris already there. Matt was cooking breakfast and the smells of eggs and bacon filled the room. Chris yawned tiredly as he sat at the table. Smacking his lips sleepily before dropping his head into his folded up arms on the top of the table.

"Ugh, Chrissy, get your head up off the table. We have to eat there." Matt scolded, looking back from the stove before continuing to prod at the strips of bacon as they sizzled in the pan.

Chris responded with light snores.

"Chrisssssy.. Chris.. Chris!" Matt shouted and Chris bolted up right.

"Huh? Uh, what? S'it time for school again, mommy. I dun wanna go today!" Chris whined rubbing his eyes.

"It's Sunday, you moron." Matt reminded, turning off the burner on the stove and picking up the pan by the handle.

Chris laid his hand back down. "Then why'm I going to school on Sunday for? That's asinine."

Adam sat down at the table and gave Chris a weird look. Matt snorted.

Matt smirked, setting out the strips of bacon into separate plates that already had eggs in them. "Because I said so. And watch your language in the presence of company."

"I said _asinine_, you ass. _Asinine_, as in, stupid. Not _ass o' mine_, as in, you don't stop your bullshit, you won't be getting no ass o' mine." The short-haired blonde declared, pointing upwards as his head still laid on the table.

Matt chuckled and sat Chris' plate down beside his head. Chris was so adorkable when sleepy. "Fine, okay. Just eat or we'll be late. Adam, you want breakfast?"

Adam mumbled something and Matt took that as a yes and sat him down a plate. Chris scooted his plate over to himself as he lifted his head up. The delicious smell of food becoming more alluring than sleep anyhow.

"Where you guys going?" Adam asked casually, using his fork to pick at the eggs.

Matt sat down and dug in, shrugging. "Eh, work has required us to go to couple's therapy."

"Which we don't need." Chris added, shoveling a spoonful of eggs in his mouth before taking a drink of orange juice.

"Chris thinks it's a waste of time."

"And Matt thinks it'll be a learning experience." Chris put in, crunching into a strip of bacon.

"It might be at least amusing. We might learn some new things about ourselves." The older Hardy reasoned. Wincing as his fork scraped the plate and made an annoying screeching sound.

Chris licked his lips and wiped his mouth on a napkin. "Or it might tear us apart. Matt, no one ever benefits from couple's therapy. Couples go to therapy when they're having troubles. We're fine. Couple's therapy is for people who don't know when the end is the end. It's the last stop till the end." Chris latched onto Matt's arm and held to it tightly. "I don't want it to be the end for us. I loves you."

Matt sighed. "I can't make this dummy understand that I'm only going because my boss asked me to. It's for an assignment. He wants me to do an article on so-called relationship therapy and he thought first hand experience would come in handy. I wouldn't be dragging Chris along otherwise." The older Hardy explained, trying to pry Chris off his arm so he could eat.

"Well, why don't you explain that to the therapist?" Adam suggested helpfully.

"Boss wants it to be legitimate." Matt shrugged. "I'm not supposed to let on that I'm doing an article on the pros and cons of couple's therapy."

"Sounds deceptive." Chris added scornfully.

"No it's not. The article's on the therapy in general. Not the therapist or his place of business. I'm not even going to include that information in the article." Matt replied, succeeding in getting Chris off him.

Chris folded his arms and glared at him. "Couple's therapy is a last resort option. That's all people need to know. It doesn't save anyone's marriages, or relationships or businesses. It harms more than it helps, Matt. I don't want it to do the same to us."

Matt turned in his seat to face Chris better. "It's not. I promise. Me and you have more of a bond than that, Chrissy. And if it starts to get that way, we'll leave and I'll ask for a new assignment."

"Why don't you just ask for a new assignment now?"

"Because I think it'll be interesting. I wanna try it." Matt placed his hands on Chris' shoulders and looked him in the eyes. "Please, Chris, understand. I need you to do this with me. I'm asking because you're important to me and I need you."

Chris sighed. "Okay, fine. I'll go and behave. But only if you gimme a massage later on."

"Okay, since you twisted my leg." Matt muttered with sarcasm. He rolled his eyes. "That's really not a bad deal, you know."

"Is it supposed to be?" Chris grinned.

"Not really." Matt smiled, pecking Chris on the lips. "Now, eat."

Adam shook his head and continued to poke at his bacon. Matt and Chris were happy. They were cute. For the sake of his friends he hoped some nutcase therapist didn't break them apart. Adam groaned as a pain went through his head. He put down the fork and massaged his temples with his fingers. He had woke up with a headache as usual, but it seemed to pick this time to get worse.

"Adam, you okay, dude?" Matt asked as he went back to his food.

The blonde winced and continued to rub at his forehead. "Fine. Just a stubborn headache." Adam got up and got a bottle of water out of the fridge.

"Oh, Phil said he was sorry about last night.. you know.. the kiss..?" Matt said cautiously. "He said he wasn't trying to be a dick or anything.."

"Oh, it's alright. I understand. It was my turn to spin and it landed on him. It was just a game. Just'a bunch of overgrown kids having fun." Adam gave a faux smile and got out a pain pill. Popping it before chasing it with the cold refreshing liquid.

"You sure you're alright?" Chris asked, studying his long time friend carefully. Adam had paled at the mention of it.

"Yeah. I'm fine." Adam assured, scratching at the back of his hair. "Why wouldn't I be fine?"

Matt sighed. "Adam, if you need to talk about it or anything.."

"Naw, I'm good." Adam said, walking out of the room. Leaving his breakfast.

Chris shook his head. "Boy's holding something in."

Matt nodded. "If he'd just open up."

"Hey, maybe he can go to therapy in our place?" Chris perked up.

"No." Matt sighed.

Chris' hopeful face turned into a pout. "Well, it was worth a shot at least."

--xx--

Adam sat there on the bed. Dull. Drained. He hated everything. Nothing in life made sense to him anymore. Jeff. Randy. It didn't add up. And no matter how hard he tried in vain to make it.. It never would.

The more he thought about it, the more it hurt. But the more he ignored it, the more it festered. It seemed like he couldn't win either damn way and it just didn't seem fair anymore. Adam felt alone. Disowned. Abandoned and out of place. He felt as if he were an outcast with nowhere to turn to for absolution.

Jay and Chris kept telling him to move on. There were other fish in the sea... But they didn't seem to understand that he just couldn't move on. Pack Jeff's memory away and forget about it like they never had anything at all.. Like they never were in love..

And Matt..

Adam sighed.

He knew Matt felt awkward being in the middle of it.

Matt and Jeff were so close and Matt loved his younger brother deeply. Adam understood that. Hell, Adam, Jay and Chris were all that close as well.

Still Matt told Adam the same thing; Adam needed to get over it.

But Matt never seemed to think about what if he was in that same boat. What if Chris dumped him for someone else? Someone he thought he could trust only to find out that trust wasn't worth shit.

Adam exhaled and slowly ran his fingers through his tangled up hair, ignoring the snags he caught before gathering all his hair up in his hands as if he were putting it in a ponytail and then letting it all fall down around his shoulders.

Adam knew that wasn't fair to Matt. The older Hardy was caught between the proverbial rock and a hard place. Jeff was the beloved brother and Adam was a dear friend. To both Matt and Chris. Matt at least never gave a shit about Orton.

Adam didn't know what Orton's deal was. He knew Randy for a long time, since Randy was in high school. Adam figured he could count Randy amongst his closest friends... But now he just felt betrayed.

It's not like Adam didn't see the deterioration of his and Orton's long time friendship coming. That's what sucked. Randy started changing when he started hanging around that damn Mike Mizanin guy.

'Miz' was the type of guy who liked to walk around thinking he was better than everyone else. He was a loud-mouthed, know-it-all, prick who worked at a strip joint as a DJ or something.. Or, well, he used to anyway. Adam thinks they fired him or some shit like that. Not that he cared.

Rumor was going around anyway that Randy and Miz were passing Jeff back and forth. And that wasn't something anyone liked to hear about their ex at all. It wasn't something Adam liked to think about. Even if the bastard thought liked to occasionally cross his mind.

Adam didn't tell Matt about it. Matt would probably explode.. But then again, Matt probably knew. Hell, everyone could see how Matt would look at Mike and Randy with disdain in his eyes. That famous Matt Hardy glare burning holes through them everytime Matt looked at, talked, or thought about them.

Either way, it made Adam sick to his fucking stomach. He loved Jeff with all his heart and none of this made a damn bit of sense.

Jeff had walked in that one day.. Adam thought he'd pop the question.. He didn't see how stupid he could be thinking that shit.

Jeff had been distant during that time. Secretive and sneaky.

Adam was hoping he was planning some big romantic gesture so he could pop the question and ask Adam to marry him...

Adam never thought in a million years that Jeff was.. that Jeff was cheating on him...

But Jeff walked in and told Adam they needed time apart. And Adam just went numb. He didn't even try to stop him. Just let Jeff go. Jeff said he needed his space and he just didn't think it was working out and he just wanted to be alone.

Adam had probably bought it back then.. Somewhere in his mind, he probably bought that same ole tired, played-out line of bullshit.

Adam gasped loudly and dropped his head into his hands, choking back a sob.

He had bought it alright. And he still felt like it was his damn fault..

Of course, a day later, Jeff was seen practically humping Randy in public. And they've been everywhere else too. It was like Jeff was deliberately trying to hurt Adam and Adam just can't understand why. It made no sense.

He and Jeff had a good relationship.. or so Adam thought.. There was no abuse. They loved each other.

But it obviously wasn't enough.

Randy told Adam that Jeff had been cheating on Adam with him for a couple weeks prior to their break-up. Randy told Adam, with that brutal arrogance of his, that him and Jeff had been sneaking around behind Adam's back. Jeff didn't deny it either.

Adam had walked away, went home, drown himself in Jack and whatever else he could find. He got hammered. Shit faced drunk. Threw up till his insides hurt so bad that he was sure they were dislodging and trying to come up as well. He puked so hard he thought his soul was coming up. How he wished it would have.. Then Adam had passed out. Slept forever. It was the longest, most fitful and restless sleep he had ever had in his life.

When he had woke up, he felt like total and utter hell. His body ached. His stomach twisted in so many knots and his face felt like one of the bouncers back at the club had hit him in the face with a sledgehammer.

But somehow Adam made it through it. He didn't think he would. But he lived to fight.. and drink.. another day. And another and another. Of course, at first, he thought he was fine.. But he was wrong. He still couldn't push Jeff from his mind and no amount of drink was helping him much. It soothed the ache for a little while.. but it just seemed to come back double.

Then Phil had to come along and mess everything up with that damn kiss. Wasn't bad enough making him look like an ass in front of Orton in the club's bathroom. Coming in there and getting in Orton's face as if he thought Adam needed saving or some shit..

Did feel nice though. Feeling like someone had his back.

Adam didn't much feel like anyone did anymore. Chris was happy with Matt. Matt was torn between Adam and Jeff and Jay seemed bored with it all. The girls and Evan at least tired. Mickie and Maria where both willing to at least listen to him. Adam just didn't know if they understood. Mickie, more than most, because of the whole deal with Trish and Lita.. But it seemed like it took her forever to bury that and Adam didn't want her bringing it back up for his sake.

Phil seemed to be a better candidate because of Mor.. But Adam knew Phil was still struggling with that loss and Adam just felt selfish even thinking that he and Phil were any type of kindred spirits on account of it.

The complicated part for Adam was; He enjoyed the kiss. It felt good to be kissed like that. He hadn't had it in awhile and apart of him wanted to selfishly believe that he really needed it.

Phil was a good guy. Decent, clean, laid-back, rested on his laurels. Phil was carefree, happy and fun loving, till fate shit all over him. He didn't need Adam's baggage dumped down on him too when Phil had his own problems. Adam knew he couldn't compare to John Morrison anyhow. No one could.

And Phil just wasn't Jeff..

Adam groaned. His mind kept replaying the kiss over.

He enjoyed it.. Wanted more of it..

But he'd just have to get that shit out of his head. Phil was off limits. Why would he even want Adam anyway?

Who would? If Jeff didn't want him..? Who would?

Adam sighed. He just wanted to be loved.

--xx--

Phil wanted time to just stand still. Just for a moment. Long enough so he could get his shit straight. Especially when he had those dreams where Morrie was dancing only for him. And then they'd dance together.

Phil met Johnny at a strip club. He had been drug there.. sort of. Chris and Jay's faults. Phil hadn't wanted to go, but after, he was glad he did. They had a new dancer that night. Shy, young, naive. No one had managed to look so graceful while looking so embarrassed at the same time.

Phil didn't know if he had ever believed in love at first sight till that night. The boy was gorgeous. Long dark hair. Soft brown eyes. Tight skin, so flexible...

_The lights dimmed as the music played. A beautiful brunette came out from behind the curtain, wearing only a silk black robe that was loosely tied in the front. Leaving all to wonder exactly what was concealed underneath it. Shoulder length brown hair framed his face and soft brown eyes shown curiosity and also anxiety. A pink tongue came out to lick across lips that were pouted so nicely._

_**I wake up to find myself**_  
_**After all these years**_  
_**And where all the time has gone**_  
_**Still seems so unclear**_  
_**'Cause there's no one else**_  
_**Since I found you**_  
_**I know it's been so hard**_  
_**You should know**_

_He grasped the pole firmly as he swung his body around it, letting go and twirling around before dipping down to the ground and raising back up. He spread his legs out some as he stood, wiggling his hips in a slow rhythm as he wrapped his arms around the back of his neck and used them to lift up his hair, letting it fall down around his shoulders as he raised them upward. Phil watched curiously. For the moment, time just stopped for him. The young man, around his age, was so beautiful. Too damn pretty to be getting naked in a shithole like this. _

_**If I die tomorrow**_  
_**As the minutes fade away**_  
_**I can't remember**_  
_**Have I said all I can say?**_  
_**You're my everything**_  
_**You make me feel so alive**_  
_**If I die tomorrow**_

_The brunette was facing away from the on-lookers, some as they cat-called and tossed their bills. And made dirty and lewd comments, all the usual, as he untied his robe, casually letting it drop down off his shoulders. The brunette turned a bit to his side, sliding the robe off a little more as he held his arms in the front to keep it in place. Phil wet his lips, staring in awe and desire. _

_The brunette turned back away from the audience and gazed down to his side as he let the robe slip down his backside and fall on off to the floor. He was wearing tiny back boyshorts that contoured tightly to his every muscle. Showing his definition off nicely._

_**It brings out the worst in me**_  
_**When you're not around**_  
_**I miss the sound of your voice**_  
_**The silence seems so loud**_  
_**'Cause there's no one else**_  
_**Since I found you**_  
_**I know it's been so hard**_  
_**You should know**_

_The brunette reach up for the pole and used his arms to pull himself up, lifting himself off the ground and wrapping his legs around the pole as he bent backwards. He let himself hang upside down, his hair falling everywhere and his arms folded across his chest. The boy opened his eyes slowly, pouty lips parted slightly._

_Phil watched as those lean legs uncoiled from the pole and he flipped over, landing on his feet as other patrons whistled, gasped or groaned their approval. The brunette grabbed to the pole with both hands, running them up it as he wiggled his hips before bending down at his knees and lifting himself back up. His hips swaying very slowly as the song played._

_The brunette turned around, reaching back up above his head behind himself to wrap his fingers around the pole before sliding down to sit back on his knees as he spread his hips some. Rocking them back and forth just a little._

_**If I die tomorrow**_  
_**As the minutes fade away**_  
_**I can't remember**_  
_**Have I said all I can say?**_  
_**You're my everything**_  
_**You make me feel so alive**_  
_**If I die tomorrow**_

_He raised back up, walking around the pole seductively before taking a hold of it and hooking his leg on it as he swung around it._

_"Is this great or what?" Chris piped up. "Huh, Philly? Phil?" But he was ignored by Phil who was just plain mesmerized as he watched the young dancer._

_"Shut up, will ya?" Jay cut in, smacking Chris on the arm._

_"Ow!" Chris whined. "Ugh! I'm telling Matt."_

_"See if I care." Jay shot back._

_**I spent all my life**_  
_**Looking for a real sense**_  
_**I've got nothing to lose**_  
_**One thing to prove**_  
_**I won't make the same mistakes**_  
_**Now I know**_  
_**That everything will be ok**__**ay**_  
_**If I die tomorrow**_

_Phil ignored them. Keeping his eyes on the brunette as he dropped to his hands and knees on the floor of the platform. His luscious brown locks falling over his face before he flipped his hair backwards. He stared straight forward as he started to crawl, putting one arm slowly in front of the other. The definition in his shoulders and back shown arching so beautifully as he moved. _

_He got almost to the end of the platform before rolling to his back. His legs splayed out as he arched his hips upward and his hands traveling down his body to his underwear. His fingers slipping down inside the waist of the boyshorts. Teasing and toying with it and pushing them down some just to the top of his crotch._

_**If I die tomorrow**_  
_**As the minutes fade away**_  
_**I can't remember**_  
_**Have I said all I can say?**_  
_**You're my everything**_  
_**You make me feel so alive**_  
_**You're my everything  
You make me feel so alive**__**  
If I die tomorrow**_  
_**If I die tomorrow**_

_Phil sat up in his seat, straining to get a better look. His mouth was dry and his heart rate had increased. The boy turned to his side, his head was laying on his left arm as it was extended above his head underneath him. His other arm was at his side and his fingers were brushing across his abs and down to his crotch. Daring to touch himself before pulling away. Phil couldn't help but silently beg 'please?'. _

_Phil wet his lips. He had never saw anyone more beautiful in his life. So agile and flexible. So coy and innocent with such allure. He couldn't describe the feeling he had. He couldn't take his eyes off him. Of course, the boy didn't get fully naked that time. Not that it mattered. Phil had saw enough and he liked what he saw._

Chris, the asshole he sometimes is, ordered Phil a private dance after that. The rest was history. Phil and the brunette (whose name Phil would learn was John Morrison) got to talking. Hit if off. Phil wanted to know everything about him and wanted to see him again. He didn't care. He was in love.

Phil had then somehow convinced Johnny to give up stripping, go to college and get his degree and work on his film and acting. Johnny had wanted to be a star.. But that sadly never really went anywhere..

Phil sighed, closing his eyes. He found himself standing at a wooden shelf in his living room. It still housed old nick-knacks and things they had picked up on vacations and whatever, along with a few pictures of them and family and friends. Phil picked up one of him and John on a picnic outing from one lost summer ago. Mor was sitting in Phil's lap, his arms wrapped around his neck and Phil's arms hugging him tightly around Johnny's waist. Chris and Matt were making goofy faces in the back to spoil the shot.

Phil had wanted to give Johnny the world. And dammit if he didn't try like hell... It's not like Mor was demanding of Phil or anything. 'Cause he wasn't.. John was more demanding of himself... Phil loved Morrison and everything seemed so perfect. They fit. Phil thought as long as he had Mor everything would be alright. It seemed so perfect. Flaws and all.

Johnny wanted to get married. So did Phil, one day. He just wasn't ready for that big of a step and he thought Johnny understood.

Phil sat down the picture and went over to the window.

He wished he had more time.

But that was impossible. Sometimes life just took your best made plans and tossed them back in your face. What a kick in the nuts it all was. Fate? What a fucking bitch.

Phil walked back over, seeing another picture on the shelf. Sitting there and gathering dust. It was of himself and Matt and Adam and they were singing karaoke from one night at some restaurant on vacation. Mor had taken the picture and made him and Jeff, Matt, Adam and Chris all copies. Then of course, Jay, Evan and the girls had to have one too. Adam was a bit tipsy that night. Phil's hands were on the microphone and Adam's head was laying right against Phil's as they both sang into the mic. Matt was beside them, face red and wide smile on his face. He was laughing at the two of them too hard to be of any use vocally as Phil recalled. Hence why his face was red and tears had formed in his eyes.

What a night that was.

Phil touched the photo, wiping off dust and leaving two finger prints in its place.

Poor Adam. Phil never thought he deserved for Jeff to treat him the way he did after the break-up. Jeff and Adam had seemed so happy as a couple. It made no sense. Jeff adored Addy. They were so close. So loving. Randy was just a rat bastard to come into his best friend's home and break it the way he did. Phil regretted not punching him that night in the club. It downright burned him up to see Randy grabbing Adam like that. To see Randy that close to him and to see Adam that uncomfortable.

If Phil saw Randy again, he may just hit him any damn way.

Phil didn't know why it made him feel that way. It just did. He didn't know why he liked to stare at the blonde. He just did. He didn't know why he kissed him the way he did, or why he liked it the way he did. Phil just did.

And that made him feel shitty. Guilty as hell. Bad that he could even think about.. about anyone else other than Morrison.

Maybe it was because Adam was a friend. And so was Matt, Chris and Jason. Maybe it was because Adam was in need of a savior.. Adam was vulnerable and needy and just needed someone to help him. To care..

Whatever it was, it was driving Phil crazy. He was seeing Adam a lot more in his thoughts and he just didn't know what to do about it.. what to feel..

He needed more time.. But with the way Adam was drifting.. Phil just wasn't sure how much time he had.

**

* * *

**

**Phil has the need to save! XP! I'm finding Chris and Matt to be adorable in this story together. Meh, Phil and Adam's thought process is kinda depressing. I was in a depressing mood when I wrote them. And I promise I am gonna start working on Adam and Phil's relationship after this. Morrison would make an awesome stripper :P I dun think I got the song to mesh up with the dancing, but oh well. I wanted that song (which was 'If I Die Tomorrow', by Motley Crue) for this chp. **

**'Sold's' next chap was to be posted today, but I figured since the 3rd of March was the one year (curse my laziness!) anniversary of when I began 'Sold to a Hardy', then I'd post it then. So 'Sold' will be updated March the 3rd.**


	8. To Be Treated Right

**Esha Napoelon, thanks, XD. redsandman99, Chris is adorable. I promise, I'll get to Mor soon enuff ;) I luv miss Jeff and Edge, kinda does put me in the mind of a sad country song. I like some country music, but it's not my favorite. JoMoFan-spot, yeah, I'd like to have Matt and Jeff fighting over Addy. **_**Dean muse: (reading over review) Okay, yeah, but do the grown men have to be so overly gay about it? Terrah: (facepalm) Ugh! Sam, could you yell at your brother in a way that suggests you're in danger, so he'll go check on and pet you and lemme alone? Dean muse: Oh, that's not even funny. Hunter muse: They are kinda overly gay. Christian muse: Hunter has forgotten whose head he dwells in. Matt muse: Apparently.**_** Matt was chosen to cook b/c.. well, would you want Chris trying to cook? **_**Jeri muse: Hey! I resent that! Matt muse: Can you cook, Chrissy? Jeri muse: Uh.. hm.. (huffs) Not the point!**_** Jeff is being a bit of an insensitive prick here. **_**Jeff muse: For the record, once again, not my fic.**_** Hehe, Johnny'd make a fine stripper. **_**Dean muse: Stripper? Where? Every muse besides Jeri: (points to JoMo) Jeri muse: (points to Addy) Jeff: (growls & grabs Chris' arm to twist it backwards) Jeri muse: Ow ow ow.. hey.. ow! Lemme go! Jeff muse: (lets go and glares) Jeri muse: What? (shrugs) Jeff muse: Addy's my stripper only! Matt muse: (clears throat) Jeff muse: & occasionally Matt's. Dean muse: (saunters over to JoMo) Private show? (smirks coyly) Terrah: (perks up) Yes, please.. Play 'Low' and use the stripper room. Mor muse: (gasps) Terrah? Terrah: What? He's driving me batty.**_** I don't see how anyone wouldn't like staring at Adam. **_**Dean muse: (staring at Adam) Edge muse: (starting to feel uncomfortable) Jeff muse: (sighs and drags Adam away) Can't trust these horndogs.. **_**(sighs) Look over them, they're attention deprived and just wanna talk.. I kinda feel bad for Adam.. for some odd reason I just like torturing him. takers dark lover, hehe, Morrison would be worth every penny. **

**

* * *

Lost Memories;  
Chapter eight/ 'To Be Treated Right'  
Rated; M/ L, S (anal, fisting, masturbation, sex in the bathroom, pair I thought I'd never write -blinks-)**

_**'Don't it seem so strange  
How it just don't change, yeah  
Things just stay the same  
As they've always been  
Some of us are out to win  
And some of us are out just to wane  
Just out to maim..' To Be Treated, Terry Reid**_

"So? How are we both feeling today?" The therapist said as he sat down behind his large brown desk. He was an older male. Gray hair and dull olive eyes. Typical looking professional type in brown slacks and a green sweater vest with a beige button up underneath. The man opened a folder out in front of him on his desk and clasped his hands down in front of it. He smiled up at the two that sat not only a few feet away from him on the couch in his office.

"Good. I'm good." Matt nodded, wiping his hands on his jeans.

"And you?" The doctor, whose name tag read 'Rosenberg', tilted his head towards Chris.

Chris nodded and crossed his arms, rubbing them and fighting off a shiver. It was chilly in the room and he had left his jacket in the car like a jackass.

"Wonderful." Rosenberg let out a tired sigh from the general early morning droopiness and glanced down at the file as he adjusted his reading glasses. "Tell me, how do you think your relationship overall is going?"

"I think it's fine, but apparently Matt thinks we have some problems." Chris spoke up, glancing over at Matt.

"Is that true, Mr. Hardy?" Rosenberg asked, peering up and over at Matt.

Matt turned his glance back to the therapist. "Well, no.. Not exactly. I guess I just wanna be sure. I mean, I love Chris. I know he loves me. I just really want to make sure the bond we have is strong, I guess."

"Did anything happen recently in your lives to bring upon the doubt of your bond with one another being strong?" The therapist asked, flipping through the file and writing something down.

"Well, I wouldn't say it was doubt per se.. just my brother, Jeff recently had a long time relationship with one of Chris and I's mutual friends, Adam. We thought they would make it.. get married.. y'know, the whole nine yards.. But recently my brother called it off." Matt explained, shifting in his seat,

"Um-hm, I see. I'm counting that Adam hasn't taken it well then?" Rosenberg said, tapping the pen on his desk as he pondered.

"Well, who would? He loved Jeff deeply.. Look, all I'm saying is Adam and Jeff seemed so in love and out of all of our little circle, they seemed to be the ones who'd make it.. and when they didn't it just.. the possibility that.." Matt swallowed.

Chris had been silent. He was finally starting to figure out why Matt had insisted on this. "Are you scared of losing me, Matty?"

Matt looked over at him and sighed. "I.. I'm.. I guess I'm kinda scared there is a possibility, yes."

"How does that make you feel, Mr. Irvine?" Rosenberg asked as he stopped writing.

"I dunno.. I don't wanna lose Matt either.. I just.." Chris looked back at Matt. "I didn't know you felt that way."

"Tell me about Jeff, Mr. Hardy. Is your relationship with your brother strong?" The therapist inquired.

"Yes.. Well, it used to be." Matt sighed. "See, I was twelve and Jeff was just nine when our mother died of brain cancer. That sorta left my father to take care of us and that sorta left everything on me.. cooking, cleaning.. I've taken care of Jeff basically his whole life. I've helped raised him almost."

Rosenberg nodded. "And what about Adam?"

"Adam was/still is my best friend and so is his brother Jay. We've know each other forever." Chris replied.

"And myself and Adam became close when I started seeing Chris around the same time Jeff started seeing Adam." Matt continued.

Rosenberg resumed writing. "And the break-up on Adam?"

"Devastating. I've basically had to play referee between the two of them. Sometimes I don't know how to deal with it. Jeff's my brother.. but here lately, it's like he's someone else.. He started hanging with this wrong crowd and just.." Matt sighed. "He kicked Adam and the rest of us to the curb as well."

"So not only did Adam lose Jeff, but it seems you lost him also." Rosenberg replied wisely.

Matt looked down at the floor, his eyes searching the carpet pointlessly. "Feels that way sometimes."

"And by saying that you feel you have to referee and that you basically raised Jeff, it feels like you're saying you feel responsible for his actions?"

Matt shrugged. "Maybe I do. Kinda."

Rosenberg straightened in his chair and clasped his hands back on top of the desk. "But, Matthew.. Jeff is a grown man. He makes his own decisions in life and only he can be held accountable for those decisions. The same with yourself and with Adam as well."

"I know.." Matt looked up blankly. "But he's my little brother.."

"And Christopher," The old therapist turned to Chris. "How do you feel about Jeff hurting one of your long time friends?"

It was the blonde's turn to gaze at the ugly brown carpeting. "I still hate that Jeff did this."

"Hate is such a strong word to describe your partner's brother." Rosenberg said as he sat back in his chair.

"Well, it's not that I hate Jeff. I don't. I'm about as disappointed in him as Matt is. There's one thing about it, Jeff has changed. I think Matt's just kinda afraid we'll change too." Chris looked over at Matt.

Matt slightly nodded.

"You two seem almost consumed with what everyone else is doing, in my opinion. Matt seems to have the weight of everything crushing down on him. I think what is best is that you both stop focusing so much on everyone else's best interests and focus on just the two of you." Rosenberg glanced at his watch and muttered that their time had ended before writing something down and closing the file. "I'll see you two back in a week. Is that alright?"

--xx--

"I think he was a quack." Chris muttered as they reached the car in the parking lot.

Matt got out his keys and pressed the little button to unlock the doors. "I think he was insightful. He could be right."

"Matty, he basically just told us to abandon our friends. Who does that?" Chris said from the passenger side. He opened his door and ducked inside about the same time Matt did.

"I dunno, Chrissy, but I'm.." Matt sighed, reaching for his seat belt. "Never mind."

"Is that what this is about; you're scared of losing me because you lost Jeff?" Chris asked, snapping his belt in place.

Matt shoved the key in the ignition and started the car up. "Maybe.. If Adam and Jeff can fail..?" Matt stopped and looked down, his hands on the steering wheel.

Chris reached over and placed a hand on Matt's arm, looking at the dark-haired male softly. "But we're not Adam and Jeff. They're them. We're us. Big difference."

Matt smiled a bit over at his lover, reaching over to pat Chris' hand that rested on his arm. "Yeah. I hope you're right, Chrissy."

Chris grinned arrogantly. "I'm always right."

--xx--

Jeff looked over at Randy and wondered if he'd made the right choice.

Randy grinned at him and Jeff gave a small smile back.

He was so used to it, it didn't even feel genuine.

Of course he made the right decision. It was better this way.

--xx--

And so life went on, time passed. But Phil would still lie awake at night, grasping at emptiness next to him in the dark. He'd still have dreams. Some nightmarish and other's just sad. One night he broke the vase and he heard Johnny crying, saying, _'Why did you kill my roses, Philly...? Why are you doing this..? You don't love me no more?'_

One night Phil opened his eyes and saw the tub overflowing, the water spewing out from the faucet a deep red. And then he'd think about the kiss he shared with Adam. He kept thinking about it, actually. Couldn't get it out of his mind. Then he'd wonder if that really was considered cheating. And if it should be considered cheating. He had always been loyal to Morrie back then. Always. Morrison was gone now. So why was it so damn bad that Phil found himself thinking about another man?

Adam was hurting. Drowning slowly. He needed someone... Phil needed someone...

--xx--

And Matt would wonder where he went wrong by Jeff. He had been a good brother... Right?

And Chris would say, "Relax, Matty, it's natural for little brothers to rebel."

"At 32?" Matt would reply.

--xx--

Adam downed another shot. Slamming the glass down on the bar. His vision was starting to get a little hazy. He placed his hands on top of the bar, shaking off the slight dizzy feeling.

"Okay, Addy, I think you've had enough." Hunter took the glass away.

Adam rolled his eyes around to look at him. "Dun call me Addy.. Jeffy called me that and Jeffy's a mean ole poopy head." Adam then started giggling, slapping his hand down on the bar top and laying his hand down on his folded up arm.

Hunter sighed irritably as Adam's giggle fit ensued. "Oh, you've definitely had enough."

"But I'm not drunk." Adam protested, raising his head and looking at the club's owner with tired hazel green eyes.

"No, but you're annoying me." Hunter replied wiping down the counter.

Adam glared at him, huffing out a sarcastic "Fine," before tossing down some bills and staggering off. "Stupid Hunter.. 'M'not drunk.. D's'nt know what he's talking 'bout."

Adam stopped and held his dizzy head. Wincing as he looked around the dance floor. The lights and bodies dancing to the ambient beat were all swirling and just plainly refused to stay still. Adam screwed his eyes shut tightly.

"Hey there, pretty thang." A voice said beside him. A thick southern-like draw. Deeper than the one he had once knew to use those exact same words when picking him up in this very club years ago.

Adam turned to the source of the voice. Forcing his eyes to focus on the source. Adam blinked and the smirking face of a short-haired brunette became clear. Blue eyes searching Adam as the man chewed on his bottom lip, his mouth tugged into a lusty smirk.

"Who me?" Adam asked before he could stop himself.

"Yes, you. Tell me, what's a gorgeous thing like yourself doing here all by yourself? It's not safe out." The man said, his accent thick and rich.

"Really?" Adam smirked coyly. "It's not safe, or are _you_ not safe?" Adam said lowly, stepping forward to the close the gap between himself and the brunette.

He smiled as he watched Adam brush his fingers up his bare forearm. "Oh, I'm plenty safe, doll. But there might be others out who wouldn't mind thinking you could be a fresh fine meal for the taking." He said, reaching up to twirl a piece of Adam's kinked hair through his fingers.

Adam shuddered at the touch and closed his eyes. "I'm not scared of them."

"Really? Sure you couldn't use some company? Pretty babe like yourself shouldn't dare be alone in a place like this. Name's Ted, by the way." Ted smirked, scanning Adam's facial features.

"Adam." The blonde replied. "Wanna dance?" He asked smally, his heart thumping in his chest. He had no clue what he was doing. He never came here to talk, or mingle. He just wanted to drink, go piss and then go back to Matt's and sleep for about a week. Now this Ted here was up breathing in his space and Adam didn't know why he wasn't telling him to scram.

"Only if that's what you want?" Ted was closer now, his hips almost touching Adam's. Adam wanted to flinch away, that was instinct. But he didn't, just nodded and let Ted lead him out to the dance floor.

Adam shut his eyes, his arms wrapped around Ted's neck and Ted's hands gripping to the small of his back, pulling him closer as they swayed to the slow beat of the song. Adam swallowed thickly as he felt Ted's warm breath on his neck. The two talked amongst the music and the other noises of the nightclub. Same ole "You from around here..? Really? I've never saw you.." type banter. Adam just went with it.

Time passed, the beat had changed, somehow the two found themselves in a darker, more secluded part of the club. Ted had Adam pressed against some trunks and shit that were in the desolate corner, his fingers tangling in Adam's hair as Ted kissed and sucked on Adam's neck, sending nice little twinges to all the right-- and the wrong-- places.. Adam closed his eyes, hands grabbing at Ted's shoulders and clinging to his shirt. Ted's hands moved to wrap around Adam's waist, trailing down his lower back and groping his ass before lifting him up underneath his legs and sitting the blonde down on one of the trunks.

Adam shuddered as Ted nipped at his throat, his lips brushing along the blonde's neck-line before moving up to find Adam's own set of full lips. Kissing the blonde hungrily and sliding his tongue inside his warm mouth to lap at Adam's own. Adam groaned hazily, feeling Ted's arousal through both their jeans as the younger man grinded against him between his legs. Adam's heart clinched. Arguing with his head-- and his.. other head-- till Adam was dizzy. He hadn't been with anyone but Jeff, since Jeff. Only Jeff...

Jeff Jeff Jeff.

Jeff fucking did this to him.

Adam whimpered as Ted bit on his bottom lip, tugging on it just a bit before licking across the arousal swollen flesh. Ted pulled back and smirked, eyes dancing with arrogantly horny lust. Adam watched him, his cock twitching treacherously in his own jeans, that were starting to feel way too fucking tight, as Ted licked his lips.

"You're beautiful, Adam.." Ted panted under arousal.

Adam blinked as Phil flashed before his eyes. Those olive eyes and that faux arrogant smirk. Adam flashed back to their kiss.. Then a harsh voice interrupted his psyche.

_"You really think that's what happened? I took Jeff and made him a bitch..? Like you were his bitch?"_

_"You have a lot of balls, bitch... You may as well get over it, Addy. Jeff is mine now."_

_"Or what, Adam? What's a bitch like you gonna do to me? You're so pathetic, Adam, you can't function anymore."_

Adam swallowed determinedly. Shaking off Randy's cold-hearted words and reaching up to grab Ted's face with both hands and pull him closer, mashing their lips together and kissing the younger male hard. Greedily. If Jeff could whore around, so could he. Who was to stop him or care any fucking way? Ted's hands ran up Adam's back under his t-shirt as Adam wrapped his long legs around Ted's waist, using them to pull him even closer. Adam moaned as he felt Ted yank on his hair a bit, pulling his head back and breaking the heated kiss.

"Take me.." Adam purred as Ted's lips sucked at his throat. "Uhm.. bathroom.. now.. please.."

Ted pulled back, his breathing deep and husky. "Sure?"

Adam nodded and Ted stepped back, helping him hop down from the trunk before leading him to the bathroom. Luckily, it was empty and Ted locked the door behind them. Adam took a second to try and steady himself. He felt like jello, and deep down he knew this wasn't right.. But he didn't care. He was on fire. Drunk with a different kind of something and he just needed to, for once, drown in it. Jeff didn't care. Matt Jay or Chris didn't care.. Phil didn't care.. Why should he?

Adam found himself pushed against the wall, Ted up against him, grinding their hips together as they continued their make-out session. Fingers twisted in hair and in clothes as small moans escaped Adam's throat. The blonde let out a whimpered whine as he felt Ted's hand slip down into the front of his pants, pushing the underwear out of his way before sliding on down inside and locating his cock.

"Oh, god.. shit.." The blonde murmured pitifully as Ted fondled him under his jeans.

"Like that, Adam..? So nice and hard for me.." Ted purred lustfully next to his ear as he gently squeeze Adam's cock, slowly rubbing up and down the length.

Adam let out an incoherent noise as a response. It had been so damn long.. and he was so fucking hard that it almost hurt to be touched. Adam whined in protest as the hand was took away long enough for Ted to unfasten Adam's belt and then his jeans, folding the sides down and pushing them down past his aching erection. Adam's hands held tightly to Ted's shoulders as he felt Ted's fingers wrap around his dick, stroking him roughly.

"Uhm... please.. no foreplay.. just fuck me.. please.. need you inside me.." The blonde begged, clawing desperately at Ted's shirt. Ted growled sexfully next to Adam's neck, nipping next to his ear lobe before quickly working to get Adam's jeans off and his own unfastened.

"Do you have any lube, sweetheart?" Ted asked as he helped coax Adam forward on the vanity sink.

Adam glanced back and shook his head. "No.. just do it.. please.. I want it to hurt.." Adam murmured, looking back forward and avoiding looking at his reflection in the mirror. He nodded as he thought he heard Ted ask him if he was sure.

The real answer was; No, not entirely.. Adam's heart was in his stomach. He flinched as he felt Ted's leaking cockhead press against his pucker. Hissing as he felt it-- as easily as possible-- pushing past his entrance. Searing pain shot up the blonde's spine as Ted's cock stretched his hole. It hurt so fucking bad, but he didn't care. Adam knew true pain. God, this wasn't it. Adam cried out as Ted pushed on inside, ripping him, tearing him. Nearly taking his fucking breath.

Ted placed one hand on Adam's back, reaching around to rub Adam's tummy with the other. "You, okay..? Just relax.." The younger male soothed gently.

Adam let out a shaky breath. "I'm okay.. just please... fuck me.. please.." Adam gasped out, his voice strained and his teeth bared down so hard he thought they'd surely crack under the pressure.

"Just tell me if.. and I'll stop.."

Adam nodded, holding his breath as Ted started to thrust, slowly at first. Being urged on by Adam bucking back into him, murmuring 'harder' breathlessly. Biting down into his bottom lip so fucking hard, that Adam almost drew blood.

Ted's hands gripped Adam's hips, holding to the blonde tightly as he pounded him against the sink. The gorgeous blonde was so tight.. so warm and snug on his aching cock. And Adam's ass looked amazing wiggling back into him like he was. Adam clawed at the sink, fingertips squeaking across the fake marble. The blonde squeezed his eyes shut tightly, fighting off the tears that threatened them. Moaning and whimpering with every one of Ted, some stranger he met at a fucking night club's, hard deep thrusts. The sounds of sex doing very little to drown out his thoughts. Later, the blonde knew that him and a bottle of Jack would have to have a very long talk about this, but right now, Adam just didn't give a fuck anymore.

"Harder... please.. oh, god.." Adam's eyes snapped open as Ted brushed his prostate, drawing attention to his own cock as it throbbed and leaked between his legs. Adam laid his head down on the sink as he reach underneath himself, taking hold of his dick and rubbing himself vigorously. Voices swelled in Adam's head. Jeff's empty promises. Randy's arrogant bullshit. Matt's condescending bullshit.. and Phil's coaxing voice. All louder and menacing.. all threatening to destroy him slowly.

"Ohm.. so pretty.. fuck, yeah.." Ted murmured, leaning back to get a good look at his dick sliding in and out of the blonde. Adam swallowed, shuddering as he felt Ted's fingers ghost lightly up his spine. Memories echoing in his head.

_"So pretty, Addy... My Addy.." Jeff purred against Adam's neck as his hips gently swayed between the blonde's splayed legs as Adam sat up on the counter. "All mine.." Jeff pecked him softly on the neck, moving up and leaving a trail of featherlight kisses up to Adam's cheek._

_"Hmm.." Adam echoed his lover's sweet purr. "You're so sure about that, huh?" The blonde smirked._

_Jeff smiled and pecked Adam on the mouth before brushing his lips across Adam's own, flicking his tongue and lightly licking the delicate pink flesh. "Positive. And no one can ever change that." Jeff's arms coiled around Adam's waist, snuggling into the blonde's chest as he pulled the taller male closer. Breathing in the sweet scent of his Addy..._

Adam shook his head. He could feel it building.. everything building higher.. dragging him down.. deeper.. harder... Ted pulled out, shoving back inside the blonde hard and causing Adam to yell out, cumming instantly all over his fingers and on the floor. Adam laid there, bent over the sink, panting heavily as Ted plunged in and out of him. He didn't realize when Ted had came. He just felt Ted pull out. Adam numbly raised up and got his jeans, putting them on as Ted fixed his own.

Adam vaguely remembered Ted scribbling down a number on a piece of paper, telling Adam he was leaving town in a couple days, if Adam wanted to hook up again, to call. Ted gave Adam one more kiss before they parted ways. Adam was pretty sure this wouldn't happen again.. He really didn't think he would call.

**

* * *

Okay, that felt kinda wrong.. Addy's not in the right frame of mind tho.. **_**Jeff muse: (tapping foot) Neither are you. Terrah: Shut up. Dean muse: Once again, I did offer up my services. (smirks) Jeff muse: (growls)**_** Note; Jeff muse added the little Jedam flashback. I'm not sure where the hell all that came from. For one, I needed someone who wasn't already a big part of the story to flirt with Addy. It couldn't be Randy and it wasn't supposed to turn to sex! But I just picked Ted at random.. I dunno what muse to blame this on, but Jeff was pissed! Luckily, I bribed him off w/ Skittles and he decided to drop it.. for now.. Okay, Ted's not gonna try and steal Addy. It can be wrote off as a mistaken one night standish type thing, and that's all. I will get to Addy and Phil's relationship and to healing Adam beginning next chap. For the therapist dude I could'a used some wrestler, but didn't.. I got the name Rosenberg from the lawyer off GTA: Vice City. **

**I went w/ 'To Be Treated' by Terry Reid (which I've loved since I heard it in The Devil's Rejects) b/c I've wanted to use that song, I think it's a beautiful song, but the words don't seem to match up. Oh, wellz :P **


	9. Losing My Religion

**LegacyChick, I didn't steal your Ted muse. Someone gave me Ted&Cody muses so they'd help Randy capture Addy & since Addy was sick, Jeff had them sent to an asylum & Randy agreed to stop hunting Addy for awhile. Addy started feeling better & Ted & Cody went missing from the asylum, so that may explain it... I dunno.. either they escaped or disappeared.. Sorry about your Teddy muse :( Cal-Willis, glad you liked it, hun. Yeah, Ted & Addy teaming up was prolly where I got the idea. (shrugs) It worked. redsandman99, it doesn't really matter if it's the right thing in our world, hehe. I luv miss Jeff and Edge, um.. (yeah, I already answered her) Hardly Here, thanks, glad you're enjoying it. Yeah, it actually did make sense. It's kinda how I wanted it. Just hott & horny. Not really rape or anything. takers dark lover, yeah, Adam was a bad boy :P JoMoFan-spot, Dean existed, he just wasn't present. **_**Dean muse: & I'm not scared of Jeff. Let him do his worst. (smirks) Terrah: Yeah, okay. No. I want Jeff angered actually. If he is mebe he'll gimme some good shit to work with. So by all means, taunt him. Jeff muse: (growls) What part of Addy belongs to Jeffy don't y'all get? Loaning Addy out in fics is one thing, but not in this head. (huffs & stalks off) Dean muse: Jeez, what crawled up his ass? **_**Jeff muse understands that Jeff ****is a bastard in this fic. He gets it and he is not happy w/ his character either here. Jeff muse just feels that he's getting bashed personally when he hasn't done anything wrong**_**. Jeff muse: I'm still under protest. (gets picket sign & boycotts) Terrah: (facepalm) Dean muse: (staring at Mor's ass) Least I landed in the head w/ the sexy muses. (stares at Jeff's) Jeff muse: (notices) Hey! (covers up w/ sign) Terrah: I call threesome! (sees Jeff glaring) What? I like to see you & someone else fuck Addy :P Jeff muse: You're so pushing it. & Jeri already has stripper. (points at Punk) Punk muse: I am not! Miz is! Hunter: No. Jeri's Mizzie's stripper. Get it right! Terrah: (holding head) Look over them.**_** I actually can't feel bad for Jeff in here (Jeffy muse aside) Letting Addy go is moronic. I think this whole story has been a bit sad. But it's supposed to be. So yes, even the Ted/Adam sex scene had its sad side. I almost let it be Dean instead of Ted. **_**Dean muse: Awe (looks dejected)**_** But Ted worked just fine ;) JeffxMickie, thank you, and I'm getting to all that.. eventually :P**

**

* * *

Lost Memories;  
Chapter nine/ 'Losing My Religion'  
Rated; M/ L (lots of boy kissing, alcohol usage, hints of drug use, adult themes)**

_**'Every whisper  
Of every waking hour, I'm  
Choosing my confessions  
Trying to keep an eye on you  
Like a hurt lost and blinded fool, fool  
Oh no, I've said too much..' Losing My Religion, R.E.M.**_

Adam groaned as he woke up the next morning. It didn't take long for the night before to go flashing through his head. What had he been thinking? Screwing some guy he didn't even know in the bathroom? How fucked up was he? Adam knew it was just sex. Meaningless, drunken, stupid sex. Still, it wasn't like him at all. He had been with Jeff for so long, he never thought about just having loveless sex with strangers. Sex was just sex, it wasn't love. Adam had thought he knew love. He had love with Jeff. And now it was gone.

Adam tossed the covers back, glad at least he had made it home and had gotten in the bed of the guest room at Matt's, and wasn't in some stranger's house, setting himself up for an awkward morning. A slight whimper rose from his lips, squinting his eyes shut tightly as the sunlight pierced them. Hurting his eyes and his head like a son of a bitch. He wasn't even that drunk.. not too bad.. he didn't even puke. He damn sure wasn't drunk enough to let his buzz decide for him that having sex with a stranger in a nightclub bathroom was a very good idea.

So why did he do it?

Adam shook his head and ran his hands over his face, rubbing away the sleep and the regret.

He didn't know why.. Maybe just to have a connection. Adam was alone. Adam was lonely. Nothing had been the same since Jeff left him...

-xx-

Day's passed and Adam's drinking persisted, getting a little bit worse. Adam wasn't an angry drunk. Adam was a flirty drunk. Adam was a giggly drunk and a ditzy one... Then Adam became a crying drunk. Somehow he'd always get it in his head he wasn't loved or worth a damn. No matter how much anyone told him otherwise.

It was leading to poor judgment calls. Adam would be at the club, dancing with some guy, letting them grope him. Phil didn't know why, but he didn't like it.

He didn't like random guys touching Adam, dancing with him. Nor did Phil like thinking that Adam was going home with these idiots for a cheap fuck and more booze.

Adam kept assuring everyone he was just dancing.. and it wasn't really a lie. After Ted, Adam stuck strictly to just dancing.

Truth or not, Phil didn't want Adam turning into a whore over Jeff fucking Hardy.

Luckily, Phil caught a break. One of the club's bouncers called Matt to come and get Adam one night. One of the idiots the blonde was dancing with that night, got a little too eager and things nearly got out of hand. Phil went with Matt to pick Adam up. And now the blonde was passed out in the back seat as Matt drove them home.

"Thank god for John." Matt said unwittedly. Nearly being able to see Phil's heart drop at the name of his former lover. It wasn't the same John, of course. But usually they referred to this John as Cena, his last name.

"Yeah, thank god." Phil muttered.

"I'm sorry, Phil. I didn't.."

"What? It's the dude's first name. I can't get all fucked up over every guy named John. Cause that Bradshaw dude.. Ugh.." Phil joked it off.

"Anyway, Cena said some asshole wasn't accepting Adam telling him no as an option. Said Dave tossed the prick out then Cena says he called because Adam was too fucked up." Matt explained.

"Thought Jay was supposed to be watching Adam?" Phil inquired.

"He's been too busy.. We all have." Matt said with a drained sigh.

Phil looked back at Adam's hunched over form as he slept soundly.

"Someone needs to watch out for him." Matt sighed again, stating the obvious. "I feel bad for him, it's like he has no one now."

Phil turned back to Matt. "He can stay with me for awhile or whatever.. I'll look after him."

"Phil, you don't have to do that. I mean.."

Phil folded his arms and looked over at Matt from the passenger seat. "He's my friend too, Matt. Quit acting like I'm incapable."

"I'm not.. I just.. Adam feels like my responsibility."

"He's not though." Phil pointed out.

Matt shrugged slightly. "Well, he kinda is."

"Cause of Jeff?"

"No.." The older Hardy shook his head. "Not entirely."

"Chris and Jay?" Phil chuckled.

Matt nodded. "That'd be it."

Phil snorted. "You are whipped.. by both of 'em. Jay has you whipped and you're not even fucking him."

Matt flushed. "Phil? That's.. not very appropriate."

Phil laughed. "Whatever you say, Hardy."

-xx-

Another week had passed. Matt had talked to Adam about staying with Phil a few days while him and Chris got the therapist shit straightened out. Adam wanted to protest, but understood and agreed. It wasn't like it'd be forever. It hadn't even been that bad. The two stayed out of each other's way mostly. Went about their daily lives as usual.

Friday, Adam had the day off, Phil had to work and that meant Adam had the day all to himself. It hadn't been a good day.. Not at all.. Adam had found some old pictures and knew he shouldn't, but just had to go through them. Most were of Phil and Morrison, some were of the whole gang and a few had Adam and Jeff in them. Just old memories caught in time. Saved in film. Taunting Adam. Making him remember shit he was trying to forget.

Adam turned the bottle up to his lips, downing the rest of the alcohol and making a face before shaking his head, staggering over to the couch and nearly falling over. The bottle dropped to his side. His vision was fuzzy. His memory blurry.. Or maybe it was the other way around. Either way, Adam couldn't tell and that was just fine.

Adam made his way into the kitchen, using the wall to keep his tall lanky form up. Adam opened the refrigerator door. How he got there, he didn't know. He reached in, his hand searching frantically for another bottle. He was sure he had one more. Phil had been at work and Adam had picked some up earlier and had been drinking all day because Phil wouldn't allow Adam to have beer in his house. Some shit about Adam needing to quit. Adam's fingers brushed past a familiar cold glass bottle before his hand grasped the long neck tightly, pulling it out.

Adam twisted the top and tossed the bottle cap away before staring at the beer bottle. His face twitching, his lips, his right eye blinking without his consent. He never heard anyone come through the door.

"Adam? Ah, fuck. No, gimme." Phil jerked the bottle out of the blonde's hand and held it away.

"Ugh, Phil! No.. meanie.. str'ege asshole.. I need it!" Adam protested as he tried to reach the bottle, being blocked by Phil.

"Why? Why do you need it?" Phil demanded.

"I'dll make Jeffy... make me forg't Jeffy.. Jeff hates me.." Adam whimpered, trying in vain to focus as Phil held him back.

"No, it won't. You're killing yourself with this shit, man." Phil poured the liquid down the drain.

"No.. Phil.. That's my.. was.. my last one.. How'd I forg't Jeffy now..?" Adam slurred, slumping in defeat.

Phil sighed. An old memory coming back to him.

_"What the hell are these?" Phil demanded, shaking the bottle of pills at Johnny._

_"They're.. um.. they're for my head.. I get headaches.." Johnny explained, sheepishly twisting his shirt in his fingers._

_"These are not for your head, Morrie. What are you doing with these?" Phil asked, disappointed, confused._

_"I need them, Philly, please.. Give them back." Mor pleaded, reaching for the pill bottle._

_Phil jerked them back. "Why? Why do you need them?"_

_"They help me." Mor murmured._

_"No, they don't, baby. These are not the answer." Phil said gently._

_"They help me, Phil. If you love me, you'll give them back to me. Please, understand.." Johnny pleaded through hurt eyes._

_"No. This is not the way. It's killing me to watch you do this to yourself."_

"Not this way." Phil tossed the empty beer bottle down and turned to take Adam's head in his hands. The blonde's eyes rolled around, moving around in an attempt to focus on Phil. "Adam, listen to me; it's not worth it. Nothing is worth it. I'm not gonna sit around and watch you do this to yourself. You have to be stronger than that."

"Whaddya care, B'ooks? Y'r'not my m'ther." Adam wiggled his head, trying to get free.

Phil let him go, catching him as he stumbled back a bit. "And how would Judy feel if she saw you like this? D'you think she'd like seeing you destroy your life like this?"

Adam whined and stomped his foot childishly.

"She'd probably whip your ass if she saw you throwing this little tantrum, which is what I'm fixin' to do if you don't.."

Adam giggled and laid his head on Phil's shoulder. "Y'd like t'whip m'ass, wouldn't ya, Philly?" Adam slurred, wrapping his arms around Phil's waist.

The ravenette blushed. "Okay, this is not the area this discussion needs to go.." He was cut off as Adam's lips pressed to his. Kissing him groggily.

Phil tensed, grimacing as alcohol pierced his taste buds. If Adam wasn't so fucking wasted, Phil would smack the fuck out of him. Instead, he pushed him away, smacking his lips at the awful bitter taste of the beer in his mouth.

Adam pouted, hurt. "You's no wan' me?"

"Okay, yuck.." Phil scowled at the alcohol. It wasn't about wanting Adam. "To bed with you, mister. You're going to sleep this shit off."

Phil lead the dramatic blonde upstairs, losing the one second giggly, the next second pouty male twice from his grasp and having to redirect him.

"Philly pop, Philly pop, jusjasha drop.." Adam giggled, only making sense to himself.

Phil rolled his eyes and continued to lead him down the hallway till Adam retched, leaning forward and clutching his stomach before darting to the bathroom. Phil sighed as he heard dry heaving and went to follow Adam into the bathroom.

Phil yawned as he held Adam's hair back. It wasn't the first time he'd ever had to deal with someone in this condition. Many a night Mor had had a little too much and had to be nursed through the night.

Adam groaned, his whole body tightening up as it tried to expel all the poison.

"Shh.. don't fight it, Addy.. Let it come... It'll hurt more if you fight it." Phil shushed, rubbing the blonde's back.

_Mor groaned as he sat in front of the toilet, his back against the wall. The brunette rolled his head over toward Phil as his lover gently blotted his forehead with a damp wash rag, moving it down to Mor's cheek and then gently wiping his lips._

_"You mad at me..?" Mor asked weakly, his eyes fluttering, fighting to stay open. His breathing shallow. He had chased the pills with vodka and it hadn't agreed with him._

_Phil sighed and ran his fingers back through Johnny's hair. "No. I hate seeing you like this."_

_"You're disappointed?" Mor groaned, holding his stomach._

_"What should I be, John? I'm having to constantly worry that I'm going to.. that I'm gonna come in here and.." Phil sighed and looked down. "I don't wanna lose you. That has to be the worst possible thing I can think of."_

_"I made a mistake, Phil. I'm sorry, baby.. I won't.." Mor whimpered as he tried to sit up. His stomach ached and his head was pounding. _

_Phil stopped him with a hand on his chest and the other on his shoulder. "Shh.. just relax.. C'mon, let's get you cleaned up and in the bed."_

_Mor looked up at him as Phil stood up before helping Johnny to his feet. Mor stumbled a bit and Phil caught him. Johnny clutched to Phil tightly, his stomach turning violently._

_"Oh, god.. not good.." He groaned, retching and dropping back down in front of the toilet._

_Phil sighed and got down behind him, gathering Morrison's hair up and holding it out of the way as his stomach divested itself of the toxins._

_He didn't know what to do. He loved Mor so much.. everything used to be so perfect.. What went wrong..?_

-xx-

Phil got Adam in bed finally. He had cleaned him up, forced him to brush his teeth and rinse out his mouth then took the blonde to bed.

"Don't leave me.. I don' wan' be 'lone.." Adam murmured from under the covers.

Phil sighed and sat the glass of water on the nightstand before laying down beside Adam. Phil stared at the ceiling, waiting for Adam to drift on to sleep. Instead the sound of Adam crying made him look back at the blonde. Adam was on his side, his head turned into the pillow as he wept. The ravenette groaned inwardly.

"Adam.. uhh..?"

"Why'd he have to lemme..? I love him, Phil.. I know I'm stupid, but I still love him.." Adam sniffled, his bottom lip quivering.

Phil sighed and turned to his side to face Adam, reaching over to rake Adam's hair from his face before running his fingers over his tears. "You're not stupid, Addy."

"Then why doesn't Jeff want me?" Adam whimpered.

"Cause.." Phil exhaled. "Cause he's the stupid one. Adam, look, you're a great guy. You'll find someone else one day. Someone who'll treat you like you should be treated.. It's just.." He sighed again, he felt like a total hypocrite.

Adam shook his head and sniffled. "No."

Phil scooted closer, wrapping his arm around Adam and holding his friend. He held Adam for most of the night. The blonde had woke up crying twice. Adam would whimper in his sleep, murmuring Jeff's name. It was heartbreaking.

Phil finally managed to fall asleep himself.

-xx-

Phil woke up the next day under the coaxing of the sun's gentle rays. His arms encircled a warm body that owned a pair of hands that were clinging tightly to his shirt. The first vision Phil saw when he opened his eyes was Adam, sleeping soundly. Troubled look on his face and his eyebrows furrowed. Long strings of blonde hair covered his face and tangled around his neck. Phil reached up and brushed them away, petting the blonde and snuggling closer to him. So close his cheek grazed Adam's and he could feel soft breath on his face.

Phil smiled at the warmness before pecking Adam on the cheek. Softly. Tentatively. Adam really was beautiful and so sweet and innocent when he slept. Phil brushed his lips across Adam's jawline, parting his lips to kiss his neck and back up to his cheek and near his mouth. He didn't know what he was doing. Just what he wanted to. Adam groaned in his sleep and shifted. Stirring some. Phil pulled back and reached up to caress Adam's cheek with his fingertips.

The blonde whimpered, his eyes fluttering, his head was pounding and the fucking light was being a bastard and making it worse. "Uhm... fuck.. damn light.. hurts.. Time is it?"

"Shh.. it's, uh..?" Phil glanced at the clock. "11 A.M."

Adam groaned again and snuggled into the pillow. "Too early.. Philly, make light go away.. head hurts.."

Phil chuckled and brushed Adam's hair back. "Okay, I'll fix it." He got up and closed the curtains better, making the room a bit darker before getting Adam something for his head. "Here ya go, Adam.. you go back to sleep." He said, holding the glass for Adam as he drank, swallowing the pill.

"T'anks, Philly.." Adam yawned, drifting back off.

Phil yawned and retreated to the kitchen to make breakfast.

Pancakes, bacon and eggs later, Phil carried the tray to the bedroom, sitting it down on the end table before crawling back in bed beside Adam.

"C'mon, Addy, wake up.. I got food."

Adam whined and shook his head. Twisting himself tighter in the covers. "Sleepers now, food laters."

Phil giggled and nuzzled his face against Adam's. "But I worked so hard on it." He pouted. "Least you could eat some for me."

Adam whined again.

"Oh, c'mon." Phil coaxed, brushing his lips across Adam's cheek.

The blonde smiled and shivered, shaking Phil away. Feeling a light twinge go through him as Phil pecked him on the cheek before Phil started nibbling with just his lips.

Adam fought off a giggle. "Stop.. Meanie.."

"No.. I dun wanna stop.." Phil kissed Adam's face then his nose. Adam turned his head, kissing Phil on the chin and his neck as the back and forth kissing session continued. Soon hands were roaming up and down backs and arms. Legs became tangled up in each other. Adam's mouth soon found Phil's, devouring him hungrily. Phil tossed back the covers, coaxing Adam back to his back and leaning over him as he kissed his lips. Adam ran his hands up Phil's back, moaning lowly into the raventte's mouth.

_'What the hell are you doing, Adam?'_ A scolding voice in the back of Adam's mind asked. _'First that Ted guy in the club, now Phil? I thought you said this wasn't gonna happen again.'_

Phil moved down to Adam's neck, brushing his lips across the salty sweet skin there and causing Adam to shudder. Adam stared forward. He did say it wouldn't happen again, but this wasn't some stranger in a bar.. this was Phil. He knew Phil. Trusted Phil. Phil was a friend.

He knew Phil..

Knew him..

He also knew Phil still had his issues with Morrison. As well as Adam did with Jeff. Maybe a part of his brain wanted to believe it's what they both needed. But it wasn't right.

Phil's lips moved down Adam's neckline, kissing and sucking along his collar bone as he got there. He was only slightly surprised when Adam pushed him away. Phil sat up, panting a bit. Wiped his mouth on his wrist before running a hand back through his hair.

"Sorry, Adam.. I didn't mean to.. Too much.." He said as he rubbed his hands over his face.

Adam sat up and nodded. "S'okay.. I wasn't.." He shook his head. "I don't think I'm ready yet."

Phil nodded. "What about the guys in the club?" Really it had just came out before he could stop it. "Um.." He shook his head regretfully. "Sorry, that's not what I meant."

Adam looked at him incredulously, before saying, "Guy. There was only one guy. He was a mistake. A drunken mistake."

Phil nodded again. Slightly relieved. It seemed Adam was being honest about that at least.

"Besides, I really like you, Phil. And I don't want to jeopardize our friendship like that. I mean, that guy meant nothing to me. But I don't wanna lose you because we moved too quick." Adam said, placing his hand on top of Phil's as it lay on the bed.

Phil looked down at Adam's hand before turning his over and coiling his fingers around Adam's. "No. Me neither." He said, bringing Adam's hand up to his lips and placing a gentle kiss on top of it. And he was honest. He cared about Adam and he didn't want to hurt him or get hurt himself in the process. He brought his hand back down, running his thumb over Adam's knuckles. "We could start out slow though."

Adam smiled. "I'd like that."

"How about breakfast first, then maybe tomorrow we could go out?" Phil suggested, looking up at Adam.

The blonde smirked wider. "Why, Phillip, are you asking me out on a date?"

Phil shrugged, his head tilted to the side. "Maybe. You interested, Addams?"

Adam puckered his lips out, his head bowed and his hazel eyes rolled upwards as a couple of his golden locks fell down in front of his eyes. Trying to look as adorable as he possibly could and succeeding greatly. "Well, I'll hafta think about it.. I mean, you're cute and all, but my schedule may be booked.." He said playfully, nibbling on his bottom lip.

Phil rolled his eyes. "Yes or no?"

Adam gave a fake dramatic sigh. "Oh, okay, fine. Since you twisted my arm."

"Oh, please.." Phil scoffed. "You're dying to go out with me." He smirked, trying to sound arrogant.

Adam gasped. "Why aren't you the cocky bastard, Brooks. You're the one _dying_ to go out with _me_." The blonde smirked back, folding his arms.

Phil leaned forward, merely inches from Adam's full lips. "You know what? You're absolutely right about that." He said lowly, pecking him on the lips.

Adam smiled when Phil pulled back. "Hmm.. good.. Now gimme my breakfast. It's getting cold." He said as Phil moved to do just that.

"Whose fault was that now, Mister Bossy?" Phil grinned.

"Yours. You distracted me with your lethal distracting kisses." Adam replied, shifting to a more comfortable position on the bed.

"I didn't hear you complaining." Phil quipped, sitting the tray down over Adam's lap.

Adam gave him a look before picking up his fork and cutting into his eggs. "So cocky." He said before stuffing his mouth with a bite.

Phil chuckled. "But you love it."

Adam made an unimpressed muffled noise causing Phil to laugh louder. A warm feeling washing over the raven haired male as he watched the blonde. This felt nice. He didn't think he'd mind at all getting used to this every morning.

-xx-

Chris huffed as he got in the car. "Matt, when is this gonna be over? I don't like it. What if they make us role play? Soon as they ask couples to role play, it's all over from there."

"They're not gonna make us role play." Matt sighed as he tossed a bag into the back seat before getting in himself.

"You don't know that." Chris replied, still not too thrilled with the idea of this therapy thing at all.

"Yeah, I guess you'd rather we'd be doing a different kind of role playing exercise, huh?" Matt grinned.

"We could, if we didn't have to go to couple's therapy, which we don't need, and do theirs. Theirs isn't fun. Not fun at all!" Chris protested.

Matt sighed and got out his keys. "If they ask us to role play all we have to do is refuse."

"And then Mister Bad Hair Rosenberg will assume something is wrong."

"No he won't."

"Yes he will. They always do when you refuse to do something you don't wanna do."

"Look, Chrissy, it's too early to start." Matt stuck the key in the ignition and started it up, rather hard according to Chris.

"See, we're already into it. We shouldn't go all upset at each other. We should just reschedule and stay home." The blonde Canadian figured.

"We're not into it." Matt denied.

"You're angry."

Matt's tone softened. "I'm not angry. Look, let's just go, make it through the session and we can come back home and crawl back into bed and spend the whole day cuddling since we have nothing else to do today." Matt suggested coaxingly.

Chris pouted and looked down at his fingers as he played with the zipper of his jacket. "Oh.. Okay.." Reluctantly agreeing.

Matt leaned over and kissed Chris on the cheek. "Kay? That sound good? Me and you, in bed, tangled up in the sheets with _nothing_ else to do.." Matt purred, kissing the blonde a few more times as his fingers wrapped around the nape of Chris' neck.

Chris smirked. "Well, I can think of a couple _things_ we could do." He giggled.

Matt shook his head. Sometimes his lover was like a horny teenager. "So, will ya be good?"

"M'kay.. I'll be good for the pricey therapist." Chris sighed, rolling his blue eyes.

"Good." Matt smiled, pecking Chris again before recoiling back into his seat and pulling out.

_**'I thought that I heard you laughing  
I thought that I heard you sing  
I think I thought I saw you try..'**_

**

* * *

I hope pricey therapists don't break Matt and Chris up. They're too cute to break up. & Matt hasn't done anything, he doesn't deserve to be unhappy. Chris either. & maybe there's hope for Phil & Adam yet. Hey, it's a start. Phil called Adam Addams, which is typically Matt's nickname for Adam (credit NeroAnne) since Jeff's is typically Addy for Adam (I know other people call Adam that, but it's Jeff- and sometimes Jay- more than anyone else. & it became more Jeff's nickname for him these days than anyone else) & since Adam being called Addy is a sore spot in here b/c of Jeff.. & since Matt & Phil are closer to Adam right now. Meh, I like it. The 'role playing' Chris was talking about is like a cliched role reversal exercise thing I see in every TV show where they do a couple's therapy storyline. I've seen it in both Family Guy & Nip/Tuck. I hafta to say it actually annoys & amuses me at the same time. I'd also like to say for the record that, Phil in here still has his hair, & the chest rug & the beard doesn't exist. Thanks, WWE, for fucking up everything. (growls) XP.**


	10. You Give Me Something

**Esha Napoleon, thank you, xD MagicallyMalicious, aw, thanks bunches. Yeah. Someone should be happy.. Hardly Here, I'm all too guilty of the fics where the couples jump right into bed, esp with Jedam. Slow can be good sometimes ;) KakashiXIrukaLover, they are very cute, indeed :) takers dark lover, thank you. Meh, if I ever get an idea for something like that.. redsandman99, thanks, XD. JoMoFan-spot, (hugs) eh, as long as I have people like you to appreciate the way I write Adam then I'm okay. I enjoy writing him the way I do. Jeff too. I'll leave all the bullshit regarding them to others. Still sucks sometimes tho.. Jeff needed the tweak. & omg, I'm so happy he went heel. The victim stuff was just majorly overdone. & awe, Love, I can't say enuff how I truly appreciate you. **_**Jeff muse: I did give the threesome idea a chance; with Matt. & w/ Jay. In a fic, mebe.. but not in this head. (shifty eyes) Terrah: Well, I'll give Jeffy credit. He's opened up a lot more. He's even letting Randy write scenes. **_**I'm liking Phil's character here. He's turning out better than I'd hoped. Adam's absolutely adorable no matter what, hehe. Adam's ass is totally whip-able, lol. Thanks always, my Lovely. XD.**

**

* * *

Lost Memories;  
Chapter ten/ 'You Give Me Something'  
Rated; M/ L, S (angst, heartbreak, some sexual stuff, sensitive subject matter)**

_**"You give me something  
That makes me scared alright  
This could be nothing  
But I'm willing to give it a try  
Please give me something  
Because someday I might know my heart..." You Give Me Something, James Morrison**_

For their first official date, Phil took Adam somewhere casual. It wasn't fancy, not a dinner-jacket-required thing, but it was nice. A nice little steak house where they could eat, talk, groove on the music playing and just laugh and enjoy the other's company.

Both could admit at least that it did them good to relax a little and take their minds off things. Both needed this. And Phil admitted to himself that it was nice to see Adam smiling again, and talking and acting like... well, Adam. No booze or self-loathing masking him.

They spent more time together, joking and cutting up, watching old cartoons in Phil's living room and mocking them. Adam's laughter was becoming infectious. Addicting. Phil couldn't get enough of it. One night they just went driving around town, something neither had done in so long, listening to music too loud and picking up hamburgers to eat on their way to nowhere in particular.

Adam found himself getting closer to Phil and vice versa. They may have both been worried that they may become too attached, but all those thoughts were shoved to the back of their minds. This felt good so far and it was needed.

-xx-

It was pretty busy in the restaurant. People were still crowded at the door and waiting for a booth or table to open up so they could be seated. They thought they'd never get in. Families filled booths as well as couples and friends. Waitresses and waiters scampered busily about their jobs. It was a typical Saturday night.

"I see them." Maria announced. The slender red-head bouncing over to the table, a tired Mickie on her heels. Maria hugged Phil first as he stood up then Adam. "Hi, guys. Sorry we're late."

Mickie scoffed and took her turn to hug their two friends. "Yeah, you know. Girls." She nodded over to Maria, who rolled her eyes.

Phil snorted and they all sat down. "I know exactly. Thought Adam here was never gonna be satisfied with his hair." He winked over at the blonde.

Adam touched to his hair, hurt. "Hey.. I.. I'm not a girl.. You never said how you liked it anyway." He pouted.

Phil leaned over and pecked him on the cheek. "Your hair always looks amazing. You know that." Phil got up and excused himself before leaning down to whisper in Mickie's ear. "Don't let him order any alcohol. I've kept him dry for a week."

She nodded and patted Phil on the arm as he left for the bathroom.

Adam folded his arms and gave her a look. "I know. I'm banned from alcohol. Sheesh, sometimes I don't think he trusts me."

"He's just looking out for you. Phil does that, y'know." Mickie said with a small smile. "He's like Matt sometimes; a mother hen."

"Peck peck peck." Maria added.

Adam shook his head. "Well, their pecking drives me crazy sometimes."

Mickie held the little thought of, _'oh, I bet you'd like to be pecked by Phil,'_ to herself. She didn't wanna upset the usual drama queen just yet.

"So?" Maria chimed in. "How're you and Phil doing?"

Adam shrugged. "Fine. I guess." He said rubbing his hands together.

"Are you doing okay, Adam?" Mickie asked.

Adam started to speak but he was interrupted by the arrival of the waiter bringing their menus and taking a drink order. Adam was sure to get Phil's Diet Pepsi in his absence. The waiter returned shortly with their drinks.

"I dunno. I mean, I like being around Phil. We have fun."

Mickie nearly coughed into her drink.

Adam snarled at her playfully. "Not that kind of fun. Get your mind out of the gutter."

Mickie made a face at him and stirred her now fizzing drink with her straw as they waited for Phil to come back so they could order.

-xx-

"I don't think I approve of you and Adam." Matt said.

"Course you wouldn't. You're too prudish." Phil grinned.

Matt groaned. "Do not start that again, Brooks."

Phil shrugged. "Just saying. Anyway, we're fine. We're just chilling, hanging out. We take our minds off each other's endless misery. Is that so wrong?"

"It is if either of you get hurt." The older Hardy said quietly.

Phil rolled his eyes.

"You're not.. you know..? I mean.." Matt swallowed.

"Fucking?" Phil smirked as Matt blushed and sighed. "No. We've agreed to be slow and gentle."

"Phil, please be careful with him. After Jeff... I can't see him take another blow like that if something goes wrong. I can't see you take another blow like that."

"We both knew what we were signing up for. I really like being around him, Matt. I dunno... I feel like I wanna take care of him. I care about him. I'm not gonna hurt him."

Matt nodded. "I still don't approve."

Phil patted him on the shoulder. "I know you don't. It's your nature. But I still love you." Phil turned and started to walk away. "Oh, you'll be happy to know that I've kept Adam dry for a week."

Matt smiled after Phil left. Well, maybe that was one good thing about this.

-xx-

_"Philly, where are you at?" The small voice said on the other line._

_Phil held the phone to his ear with one hand, the steering wheel with his other. "I'm almost home, Johnny. I'm about a couple hours away."_

_"Oh. Just.. just wondering." Mor sounded shaky and drained. Almost like he'd been crying._

_"Are you okay, Baby? You sound like you're sick." Phil noted._

_"N-no, just tired is all. I think I might go take a bath."_

_Phil didn't think nothing of it at the time, just casually said; "Okay. You go enjoy a nice hot bath and maybe when I get there we can go out to a nice dinner, you and me. Sound good?"_

_Mor swallowed on the other line. "Sounds good, Philly. Be careful driving.. and, Phil? I love you."_

_"I love you too, Johnny. Always. You know that."_

-xx-

Phil staggered to the kitchen, the dream still echoing in his mind. He was only a little startled when he saw Adam sitting at the table. He hadn't even been aware of him since he was so sleep-groggy.

"So? I guess I'm not the only one who can't sleep?"

Adam raised his mug up to his lips. "Guess not."

Phil yawned and poured himself a cup before sitting down at the table with Adam.

"Mine was nightmares." Phil stated.

"Huh?" Adam gazed up at him.

"Mine was nightmares; why I couldn't sleep. What's yours?"

"Oh." Adam shook his head and took a sip of his coffee. The hot stinging his tongue, but feeling so good going down his throat. He sat his cup down. "Just a lot on my mind I guess."

Phil nodded. "Jeff?"

Adam sat back in his chair and slowly shook his head. "No, actually.. Us."

Phil glanced up at him, an amused smile tugging at and being denied access to his lips. "Us?"

"Yeah. I like the time we've spent together."

"Good. That makes two of us." Phil allowed a little of the smile.

Adam glanced over at him through tired green eyes. "No. I'm worried, y'know. I'm afraid."

"Of us?" Phil asked confused.

Adam nodded. "Aren't you?" He then sighed, sinking down into his chair. "I'm sorry. I'm just.. I'm scared I'll hurt you.. or you'll hurt me.."

"And then we'll both be hurt and miserable again?" Phil nodded. "Have you been talking to Matt?"

"No."

Phil shifted in his chair and straightened up. "Okay.. look, Adam. I like spending time with you too. I like what we have right now. It's nice. We both like being around each other then that's all that matters. I've thought about it and I don't wanna throw this away because we've had our bad experiences."

"Phil, I got dumped by someone I really loved. My heart was shattered and I thought I was literally gonna crack, but you.." Adam looked down. "I have no right to put myself in a category with what you've been through."

"Because of Mor?"

"I'm sorry." Adam sunk further into his chair. "I shouldn't have.. It's just... I don't.. what happened to him? I don't.." There was brief silence. "I mean if you don't wanna talk about it, I'll understand.. I just never understood what happened. Why."

"No, it's okay." Phil took a deep breath, rubbing his hands on his sleeping pants. "I guess I need to face it anyway. It's real. It happened and I need to stop treating it like some damn lost memory. It just.. doesn't seem like it is real sometimes."

"I'm sorry." Adam mumbled smally.

"Don't be." Phil took a drink and began. "Johnny was depressed. He was taking these anti-depressants behind my back. They weren't even prescription. And he just.. I dunno.. he wasn't happy and he thought marriage would solve his problems.. and I just wasn't ready.. I didn't take it serious enough how bad he was hurting and needed help.. I let him slip right through my fingers.. I ignored it and let him suffer." Phil stopped and shook his head. His voice tight. He took a deep breath and let it out shuddered. "I came in one day to find him in the bathtub. He had slit his wrists.. I wasn't even there to try and save him."

Phil's mind flashed back to taking that walk down the hallway, into his room and finding only the bathroom light on. There was soft music playing and rose petals everywhere, candles lit. Phil heard the water running in his head. He could see Johnny's body laying in the tub. But the water was off. He could see the deep cuts on his lover's wrists as his arms laid out to his sides, one hanging over the side of the tub and blood running down it, the dark red standing out amongst the white. The water in the tub turned red. So much blood. Tears still stained his lover's cheeks and his lifeless brown eyes, that had once been so warm and thoughtful, staring up at the ceiling so cold. His suicide note had simply said; _'I'm sorry, Phil. I can't do it anymore. I love you, see you on the other side.'_

Phil had broke apart that day. He screamed and rushed to pick Johnny up in his arms, getting his clothes soaked and shaking him. Screaming his name and feeling utterly helpless. Johnny was so cold and lifeless in his arms and it had to all be a bad dream. The rest of it was a blur. Matt found Phil in the bedroom, rocking and crying. He pointed to the bathroom and Matt was the one to call the police. Phil couldn't be tried for murder if they for an ounce suspected it. His business meeting checked out and Johnny's estimated time of death was the exact time Phil was at a gas station, using a card to pay for gas. Plus Phil was just too shaken up and incoherent anyway. The funeral, everything was just a blur. A tragic memory of a tragic beauty and love.

"I'm sorry. I've been selfish." Adam got up and started to walk out, feeling even more like shit.

"Wait." Phil stopped him and grabbed to his hands before pulling him down in the seat beside his. "No you haven't. I was. I was too selfish to see how badly Johnny was hurting. I was too selfish to let it go and move on. I'm not gonna do that to you." Phil tilted Adam's chin up to look at him before taking back hold of his hands. "When I saw you drinking and how low you were.. when I saw how you were going on, I started to get scared something bad would happen to you. I didn't wanna see you destroy yourself too. You're my friend, Adam. I care about you and I want to see you happy. I'm not going to make the same mistake with you that I did with Morrie."

"So I'm your charity case?" Adam asked smally.

"Yes." Phil allowed a small smile. "But I'm your charity case too. Don't you see, Addams? We need each other. You make me happy. I wanna try being with you."

Adam looked up at him with just his eyes, his head bowed and strands of hair hanging down in front of his lovely face. "But, Phil..."

Phil's thumbs caressed the blonde's knuckles. "You can't tell me you don't feel the same way."

Adam bit his lip and shook his head. He could not. "But aren't we together now?"

"True." Phil scooted away from the table and drug Adam into his lap, hugging him close. "I don't care what brought us here. I just wanna stay here."

Adam turned to his side and wrapped his arms around Phil's neck, enjoying being held.

-xx-

Matt hated his brother being with Randy Orton. He wanted to kill Randy. He didn't know what Jeff saw in that asshole. Word was that Orton was a prick and if Randy was bullying his brother, Matt would definitely kill him. Matt hated how his brother had changed.

Therapy ended and Matt wrote his article and now Matt had no one to vent to because Chris didn't want to go back to Dr. Rosenberg at all. Chris also got sick of hearing all the shit about Randy and Jeff, Phil and Adam and Jay being no fucking help at all and the girls tried to be as helpful and sympathetic as possible but nothing helped and Chris was just tired of it. So Matt took his frustrations out of his ass in the bedroom. Chris would not tell Matt how much he loved that either. Mad, frustrated, horny Matty was too fucking hott to ruin.

So Chris kept his mouth shut about that part, but would antagonize him during the day so later he could lay under Matt, digging at the older Hardy's back and seeing stars as Matt pounded him through the mattress as hard as he could. And after they'd be all sweaty and drained and Chris would push Matt's hair back and kiss his face and tell him how much he loved him and that it wasn't his fault and everything would be alright.

It was worth everything to get Matt to shove his face in his neck and hold him all night. After all, Chris felt secure there. And Matt would softly whisper "You're not gonna lose me," before drifting off to sleep.

-xx-

Randy was on top of Jeff. His hand wrapped around the front of the younger Hardy's throat and squeezing just enough as he plunged in and out of him. Jeff winced, shutting his eyes.

"Tell me how _he_ feels." Randy growled. And no, that was no stutter. He said 'he' not 'it', Jeff was sure of it because of how Randy said it.

"No.. no.. just stop.." Jeff gasped as Orton squeezed tighter.

"Tell me how he feels." Randy persisted. "He's tight, isn't he? Bet you liked pounding that ass. Pretending you were a top when you're just a bitch like he is."

"Shut up." Jeff snapped, struggling to push Randy off.

Randy grabbed his hands and held them down and Jeff cried out as Randy pulled out and harshly shoved back inside of him.

"You like it, whore." Randy nuzzled his face in Jeff's neck. "Bet he'd like it too.. bet he likes it rough.."

Jeff closed his eyes and swallowed, trying to tune his lover out. Randy was just in a prickish mood, he told himself. Shit passes, it always does.

-xx-

Through Matt Adam arranged to move out of his and Jeff's old apartment. Neither had been living there since the breakup and Adam just wanted to move his shit out to Phil's until he got an apartment of his own. Most of his unneeded stuff was in a storage building or at Matt's anyway. Only his had-to-have stuff was at Phil's place.

After assuring everyone he'd be okay to go by himself on his last run to make sure he got everything and making sure Jeff would not be there, Adam entered the apartment he used to share with Jeff Hardy. It seemed so different. So cold and empty. Adam tossed his phone and keys down on the table, sighing as he looked around at the kitchen they used to have breakfast and dinner in. How they'd both do the dishes together and go on. Adam walked into the living room. A million memories going through his head. It seemed so surreal. All of it. It seemed wrong that he even be here after all...

Adam sat down on the couch and tugged at his hair. His heart so fucking heavy and tightening he felt like he'd have a heart attack. This shit was too much and he felt the cloak of an end of an era wrap around his mind. Him and Jeff were no more. They'd never be again. And this couch he sat on, where Jeff would sit and Adam would lay his head in his lap, it'd never be theirs again. They'd never kiss or fool around or make love here or anywhere else again.

Adam took a deep breath and looked up, willing the tears not to surface. He gazed around the floor before looking up at the bedroom doorway.

His heart stopped.

There in the doorway stood a smirking Randy Orton...

_**"You only stay with me in the morning  
You only hold me when I sleep  
I was meant to tread the water  
But now I've gotten in too deep  
For every piece of me that wants you  
Another piece backs away..."**_

**

* * *

Umm... yeah.. I'm trying with this one. I want it finished sometime in this year. I usually don't go for death fics. I had that planned out the whole time tho with Mor. I know, it was obvious, but the fic took it's own turns. It was supposed to be so different. Not that I'm not happy with it, cuz I am. It's been so different. I was concerned w/ Mor's situation. Really he was just unhappy. Sometimes someone doesn't need a major reason. I'm happy w/ Punk here too. He's usually always got the asshole role or the bitchy little drama queen role, xP. I first heard the song on FX while watching Nip/Tuck. I loved all the little show clips they had set to it like N/T, Damages & such. Felt so powerful. **


	11. Fine Again

**redsandman99, Esha Napoleon, thank you both, XD. Cal-Wills, awe. Yeah, I cannot figure out who'd leave Adam. Not logical. & the Randy/Jeff pairing agitates me these days. Part of my agitation for them lead to them in here anyway, long story, lol. Thanks bunches & as I told you, I'd be honored :D takers dark lover, yeah, poor Morrie. Thank you :) JoMoFan-spot, awe, babe. I'm sorry about your mood, but I hope this made you feel somewhat better. (hugs) & my Jeff muse deff appreciates it, lol. I've so agreed that Edge is a girl I nearly called him one on SD in front of everyone (facepalm) I'm very happy I've been able to make Phil/Adam believable here. At first I had my doubts. & you always get my work, I appreciate that so much. So much luff to you as usual, hun xD Rhiannamator, awe, yes, Love, I forgive you for that. Yes, the older works have suffered. No, Adam was never supposed to be an alcoholic, just self-medicating. It wasn't helping him tho. Haha, Adam telling someone else that is ironic. He's always the horndog :P I continue to be proud of the character development. We do wreck each other a lot, lol. We love it :P Thanks always, Lovely. Updating.. **

**

* * *

Lost Memories;  
Chapter eleven/ 'Fine Again'  
Rated; M/ L, S, V (rape, fondling, forced anal & oral, forced orgasm, abuse)**

_**"And I am aware now of how  
Everything's gonna be fine  
One day, too late, I'm in hell  
I am prepared now  
Seems everyone's gonna be fine  
One day, too late, just as well.." Fine Again, Seether**_

He stood there in the doorway watching him for a second. Sitting there, hunched over on the couch, head in his hands and that long blond hair hanging down in front of him. This was it. What he needed. He was sure of it.

Adam suddenly raised his head, looking the floor over before staring at him. The look on the bitch's face was priceless.

Adam swallowed noisily, he felt utterly like jello. The mood the room possessed, he did not like it. Without a word, Adam got up and darted toward the kitchen to grab his keys and phone off the table and leave before Orton could start any shit. But he ran right into Mike Mizanin.

"Hey, baby, going somewhere..?" He gripped to Adam's arm tightly and Adam kicked at him, finding himself spun around and held tightly from behind. "I don't think so." Mike growled in his ear.

Randy shook his head as he made his way over to the struggling blonde in Miz's arms. "No, Adam.. naughty naughty naughty.. that is no way to treat guests in your house.. or well, ex house. I guess it's not yours anymore since Jeff kicked you to the curb." He smirked cruelly.

"Let me go, Randy. I don't want nothing to do with you or Jeff. Just leave me alone." He flinched back as Randy ran his fingers through his hair and down his face, sending a very unwanted twinge through him. "I'll scream." Adam warned, yelping as Randy drew back and slapped him hard across the face.

"No one will hear you or care, you slut." Orton growled seriously. Sinisterly.

Adam licked his lips. He tasted blood where he'd bit his jaw. "Just let me go.. I won't tell Jeff or Matt.."

"I don't care if you do or don't, _Addy_." Randy grinned, his face a little too close to Adam's for the blonde's comfort. "Matt doesn't scare me and Jeff's MY bitch now. He wouldn't blink an eye if I took you in front of him."

"Yeah, slut.. wonder if you're as tight as he is.." Mike mused, rubbing his crotch into Adam's ass and making the wiggling blonde flush.

"I hear you're fucking Phil Brooks anyway, you've already forgot about Jeff. You're just a slut." Randy went on, twirling a strand of Adam's hair around his finger. "Nobody will mind or blink an eye. Jeff would watch and get hard.. Jeff does what I say."

Adam jerked his head back. "You're fucking sick, Orton. I'm sorry I ever trusted you, you piece of shit." Another yelp after another hard slap.

"Fuck you, Adam. You never cared about me or Jeff."

Adam froze as Randy undid his belt, quickly unfastening his jeans and pushing them down despite Adam's protests. "Stop it.. no.. I said stop, Randy!" He shuddered when he felt Randy roughly stroking his cock, squeezing near the head so hard that Adam hissed. The blonde turned his head and shut his eyes tightly. It had felt like so long. He hadn't even jerked off after the thing with that Ted guy in the nightclub. And his cock was responding to Orton's touch, twitching in his hand and it felt so good because, hell, he'd deprived his needs over pity.

"That's it, you whore. Get hard for me.." Randy breathed next to his cheek, loving how Adam whimpered. "I want that dick nice and hard when I fuck you.. I want you hard so I can prove what a whore you've been."

Adam shivered, shaking his head. He tried to think of anything to cause him not to get hard.. but that wasn't easy and Adam let out a shuddered gasp. "Please... stop.. stop.." It was Randy for crying out loud! His cock shouldn't betray him like this. Randy was a prick.

"Drag his ass over to the couch." Randy commanded Miz.

Adam jerked free and tried to get away, tripping over his pants and getting tackled by Mike in the process anyway. They struggled, but Randy was helping Mike now and the both of them were too strong. Two of them, one of him. "No.. no.. stop.. no.. let me go.. help me!" That's when the duct tape came out and against his struggles it was mashed across his mouth. Adam fought in vain as he was shoved over the couch arm, his bare ass vulnerable and on display. Mike held him down, basically laying on his back and pressing him into the couch cushions.

"Fucking bitch.. you're going to lay here and fucking take it.." Randy growled. "Ah, fuck.. keep wiggling, bitch.."

Adam cried out under the tape as he felt Randy shove his fingers inside him, digging them around in him and brutally stretching his hole. Mike was pushing his head down into the cushions, he felt like he couldn't breathe. That was good. He wanted to pass out.

"This bitch.. fucking tight.. damn, Adam, I never knew.. I always thought you'd have a Grand Canyon sized asshole or something.." Randy laughed. It sounded so cruel and cold. Simply uncaring and sociopathic.

"Can I have him..?" Mike asked. Then Randy glared at him. "What? When you're done of course..."

Randy growled and withdrew his fingers. "That's it, Adam, wiggle that slutty little ass of yours.. you're getting it hard, bitch. I'm gonna tear you up like I should've done years ago." Randy taunted as he unfastened his pants and freed his hard cock.

He loved that anguished scream from Adam's throat as he forced himself inside of him. Taking him dry. And it hurt. Oh, god, it hurt both of them.. But on Randy's end it felt so sickenly good. To have his once best friend under him, taking him.. what a feeling.

"Hold him still.. that's it.. fuck, yeah.." Randy groaned, grabbing Adam's hips and thrusting. Shoving in and out of Adam's hole at a brutal pace. Adam was crying under him, shouting and pleading under the tape. His eyes shut tightly and squished up, his face red and wet. "Oh, fucking bitch.. take it.. take that thick cock in your tight ass.. you fucking like being treated like the slut you are.. Tell me, did Jeff fuck you like this? Did he pound your ass like this over the couch? Bet you'd like it to be Jeff. Well, too fucking bad! Jeff is my bitch now." Randy growled, thrusting into Adam harder. Deeper.

Adam held his breath, releasing it as Randy went harder. It hurt. It hurt so bad that he couldn't see. Everything was blurry and meshed. His head was spinning and he just felt lower than trash in a dirty alley. He just wanted Randy to get done and go away... But what if Randy didn't leave him alone? What if he killed him? Adam whimpered pitifully. Hating Randy's words no matter how true they sounded. Maybe deep down he didn't care if Randy killed him.

"You liked being Jeff's little bitch.. you liked him fucking your ass, cumming in your ass.. I could've made you my bitch years ago, Adam.. so many times.. oh, fuck.. so many times I could've taken you.. That's it, whore, scream for me. Scream for me, slut.. scream for me like you screamed for Jeff and scream for Phil now.. let me hear you.." Randy growled, digging nails into Adam's hips.

Adam shook his head the best he could, trying his damnedest to block it out.

"Does Matt fuck you like this too? I bet they share you... fuck you like the slut you are.. I bet you suck one's cock while the other fucks your ass, huh?"

Mike wet his lips, watching as Randy fucked the holy hell out of Adam. The sound of Randy panting and Adam's sob-filled screams filled the room as well as the harsh slapping of skin on skin. "Lemme have his mouth, please.. I can't take it.. I'll just fuck his mouth. I'll keep him quiet."

"Fine. You better." Randy jerked Adam's head up by his hair as Mike moved, holding to him tightly. Adam got a blurry look at Mike taking his cock out of his pants through the tears that clouded his vision. Adam cried out as Mike jerked the duct tape off and used his fingers to pry his mouth on open, forcing his cock inside. Adam struggled uselessly. Held by two men and being raped on both ends. Mike was making disgusting noises as his cock stabbed Adam's throat, making him gag and retch..

"That's it.. suck that cock like a good bitch.. you like having cock stuffing your throat.."

Adam didn't know who said it, he didn't care. And he didn't like these assholes telling him what he liked.

"Fucking bitch.. shit, that's good.. oh, fuck.." Mike groaned, yanking at Adam's hair. "Suck that dick like a good bitch.."

Adam just whimpered, trying uselessly to jerk his head back. His head hurt, his throat hurt and he felt like he was being gutted. Adam choked as Mike came, his cum piercing his taste buds. At least Mike let him spit it out. Adam cried out as Randy pulled out and jerked him up.

"C'mon, bitch.. Mike, you keep watch. Me and Adam's gonna have a little fun in the bedroom." Randy snarled, dragging and cursing at Adam as he drug him into the bedroom. The same bedroom that Adam and Jeff had once shared. Tossing Adam on the same bed they slept in and made love.

"No.. please.. oh, please, no.. just leave me alone.."

Mike fixed his pants and stretched out on the couch, hearing Adam yell and shout and Randy curse as he he hit him.

"Shut up, Adam! Fucking shut your mouth! You're gonna lay here and take it!"

Mike put his hands behind his head, listening to Adam's screams.

Randy jerked the blonde down on the bed. He had Adam's pants off now and his shirt ripped. Orton shoved his legs apart, thrusting inside the crying blonde as hard as he could. "How's that feel, Addy.. you like being fucked by me on that same bed Jeff fucked you on? Remember all the fun you had with Jeff on this bed? Remember sleeping here with him? Bet you wish this was all some fucking nightmare, huh?" Randy growled, biting Adam on the neck. The blonde whined pitifully and turned his head away. Randy had cracked his lip and there was already bruising under his eye. This wasn't the Randy Adam used to know. Randy had changed and he just didn't know him anymore.

"Please.. stop.. leave me alone.. stop.." Adam begged hoarsely.

"Well, it's not a fucking nightmare, Adam. This is all real and you're not gonna fucking wake up." Randy growled, pushing the side of Adam's head down into the mattress and holding it still as he plunged in and out of him. Randy grabbed Adam's dick and started stroking it. "Cum.. cum for me, bitch.."

Adam shook his head, tears streaming down his cheeks. "No.. stop.. no no.. Randy, I said no!"

"You're gonna cum like a good bitch or I'm gonna hurt you.. You'd cum for Jeff or Phil. Now fucking cum for me."

Adam bit the hell out of his lip. No matter Randy's threats he didn't want to cum for the bastard at all. He was so beyond fucking numb he didn't even feel pleasure anymore. Adam gasped as Randy shoved into him as hard as possible, ramming his prostate and sending him over without his consent. It shook him and hurt and left him crying and feeling so worthless. He felt Randy's cum burning him a few seconds later.

-xx-

Phil looked anxiously at the time on his phone. Adam was supposed to call him when he was done. They were supposed to go out. Adam wouldn't stand him up. Would he?

Phil groaned and began pacing. He didn't know why but he had a terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach. He didn't even like the idea of Adam going by himself. But Adam felt like he had to do this for himself. Phil should have put his foot down on Adam going alone. Phil sat down and ran his hands over his face. Adam hadn't called. What if something was wrong?

Phil got up and grabbed his keys. He was going over there himself and meeting Adam. If Adam didn't like it, well, it was tough shit.

-xx-

Randy sat above Adam on the bed and held the blonde's hands above his head as Mike had his little turn. Adam was quiet except for a few uncontrolled whimpers that came out of him or the occasional tear or two. Mike ran his hands up Adam's body as it lay spread out on the bed, loving the definition in his features. Adam was gorgeous and tragically fucked up. For shame.

"That's it.. fuck him.. he feels good, right..?" Randy growled, watching as Mike's cock slid in and out of the blonde. Adam winced and turned his head away, but Mike turned it back.

"Look at me.. watch me fuck you.." Mike growled, insulted that Adam thought so damn little of him. "Bitch."

Adam bit down into his lip as Mike reached down and shoved two of his fingers inside of him along with his cock, crooking them at an angle and trying to stretch him more. Adam's chest heaved. Searing pain ripped through his body. He felt like he was being ripped apart. Randy was hard and rough, but Mike was slow and meticulous. Mike was digging into him and tearing his insides. Adam let out a jagged scream. He felt himself bleeding.

"Oh, nice, Mikey-boy.." Randy wet his lips, watching impressed as Mike withdrew his bloody fingers and rubbed the blood over Adam's cock.

"Feels good, bitch? You little slut.."

Adam shook his head and received a slap.

"Liar!" Mike snarled and Randy broke out into a laughing fit.

-xx-

Randy lit a cigarette and puffed on it in his sick delirium as Mike fixed his clothes. "Come on, let's go. Leave him."

Mike took one last look at the blonde that they left bloody and broken on the bed.

-xx-

Phil couldn't place it, but he felt that all too familiar feeling in his gut. It was pure fear. It gnawed at him. Something was wrong. Something was bad wrong. It only got stronger the longer Phil had to wait in traffic. It seemed every fucking stop light had it in for him. The feeling was eating him and making him nervous. He just wanted to get to Adam and everything would be okay.

"Damn, motherfucker, turn!" Phil shouted out, hitting the steering wheel and honking the horn just a bit. Phil took a breath and ran his hand back through his hair. He needed to calm down. He would be longer getting to Adam if he had to be stopped for a ticket or something.

-xx-

Phil thought it'd take forever getting there. But finally he pulled up and parked in a space in front of Adam and Jeff's old apartment. He'd tried calling Adam, but he got no answer. This place felt weird and Phil's legs felt like rubber as he walked up the stairs and up to the door. He took a deep breath and knocked. But the door creaked on open.

Phil's heart sunk. He hated this. He swallowed and closed his eyes, reopening them slowly. "Adam?"

No answer.

Phil pushed the door open and walked into the kitchen, gazing around to see the coast was clear. He saw Adam's keys and phone on the table immediately. Okay, Adam was here?

Another deep breath. "Adam? It's Phil. You here, baby?"

More silence.

Phil rubbed his mouth and slowly putting one foot in front of the other made his way to the living room. His fear and anxiety mounting with every heavy step. "Adam, are you alright..?" Phil sighed. _'God, please..'_ Adam wasn't in the living room and Phil checked the bathroom first, disregarding the bedroom. He let out a huge sigh of relief when the bathroom was empty. _'God, please..'_

Phil shrugged his arms to his side and made his way to the bedroom. He froze in his tracks when he saw Adam laying naked on the bed and saw the blood. Oh, god the blood...

**

* * *

The title contradicts the whole chapter! I had a hard time w/ the song. When did this fic become cliffhanger city? Oh, gawd.. I had intended the Randy/Adam rape from Randy cornering Adam in the bathroom. Mike wasn't supposed to be involved.. I dunno if it was supposed to be that brutal. But it was cold-hearted rape. I opted for brutal over anything sexy, I guess. I'm sorry.**


	12. Hallelujah

**Esha Napoleon, redsandman99, thanks guys. YourFinalVerse, actually during that time I was pushing for Adam to be written more as a bottom w/ fics like 'Sold to a Hardy'. & no, I don't think it should have been weird. I don't think Adam being a bottom is weird now or should have ever been weird at all. Certain writers came in & declared it weird & said Adam was a strict top. This was their opinion, but ppl followed them. Adam is more than qualified to be a bottom. He always was. Sadly, those ppl even saw Adam as a top to Randy & Matt back then & oddly enough still today. (smh) & there was a time before the 2009/2010's writers messed that up, that Adam bottomed & no one questioned it. Sorry for the rant, but I don't know why it's so hard to see Adam as such. Cal-Wills, I actually like Miz, he's just extra prickish in this fic, lol. Thanks, darling. takers dark lover, killed? In my work? Never ;P Guess you'll have to just wait & see ;) Rhiannamator, it was so much more brutal than I originally planned it :/ I felt really bad for Adam after. Gah, our poor baby. Deff not the best way to come off a dry spell. (shakes head) I think Randy confuses even me, & I'm writing him O.o Poor Phil. Haha, I think finding him in a bathtub would've killed him. I used to be even more addicted to cliffhangers... & thank you, Lovely. (snuggles) KakashiXIrukaLover, thank you. & yes, those things are deff needed. JoMoFan-spot, aw, sweets. You always say things that make me feel awesome about my work. Truly. I love Randy as a bad guy. But I also admire the man himself. I don't write him as a bad guy to bash, but b/c I love him that way sometimes. Effort or thought is usually not put into work. I try to put as much into it as I can w/out being biased. Yeah, eh, I'm prolly a bitch for twists. &, Love, I just adore how you get the story. How you see my work. It means so much to me. (huggles) Sorry, I've kept you waiting. **

* * *

**Lost Memories;  
Chapter twelve/ 'Hallelujah'  
Rated; M/ L (mentions of rape, angst)**

_**'Maybe I've been here before.  
I know this room, I've walked this floor,  
I used to live alone before I knew you.  
I've seen your flag on the marble arch.  
Love is not a victory march,  
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah..' Hallelujah, Rufus Wainwright.**_

Phil thought he was going to die. This was his worst nightmare playing over again in his head. Not again. Not again. This wasn't fair. For a moment he just stood frozen. There was blood on Adam's hips and this big spot on the sheet behind him. Adam was on his side facing away from Phil.

"Adam.. oh, my god.." Phil gasped. Holy shit, when did he get lungs and why were they just now working? The tightening in his chest was unbearable. Everything was a haze and shit whirled inside his head. Memories flashed and raped his subconscious. Phil felt dizzy and he stumbled forward. Everything felt so unreal. Phil found himself by the bed, lifting Adam up in his arms and cradling him, rocking him. "Adam.. please.. oh, god.. wake up.. wake up.. Oh, shit.. who did this to you?" Phil tapped Adam lightly on the cheek. His eyes were closed. "Adam! Adam, open your eyes! Please!"

Adam had been laying on the bed for the longest, or what seemed that way. After Randy and Mike left he just laid there, curled into a ball on his side. He wanted to get up and make his way to his phone. Or the shower. No one could see him like this. Fuck, they already thought he was pathetic. But he just laid there and looked at the wall. Or tried to look at the wall. The wall was spinning. Must of been all those shots he took to the head. He knew he was bleeding. Between his legs he felt so sticky and dirty. His blood and cum. Mike and Randy's cum. He felt disgusted. It was crawling inside him and he was disgusted. Adam raised his arm up, a tired sigh escaping his lips before it fell back down on the bed. He just laid there. So tired. Darkness falling in on him. So tired. Adam had closed his eyes and let it.

Now he felt someone else beside him.

No. Holding him in their lap.

They were saying something, but it was mumbled and incoherent at first. Then he heard the screaming. His name. Phil?

Adam opened his eyes and Phil let out the breath he was holding. He stopped to notice Adam was breathing. Yes, he was breathing. Now he needed Adam's beautiful green eyes to open for him and it was relief when they did.

"Oh, Adam.. you had me so scared.. I thought.. I thought.."

Adam made a grunted sound and closed his eyes, snuggling into Phil.

"No.. n-n-no no.. Adam, open your eyes for me.. look at me.. keep your eyes open.. Who did this to you, baby? Talk to me, Adam."

Adam shook his head. "Ple.. no.."

"I'm here, Adam.. You stay with me." Phil reached into his pocket and got out his phone, dialing Matt. It was busy. "Shit. Fucker." He gently laid Adam down and started checking him over. He needed to find out where the blood had came from. Upon closer inspection he found there wasn't as much as he'd thought. Maybe he was exaggerating, but it was damn sure clear that Adam had been raped. Phil couldn't find any wounds other than the ones on his eyes and lip and his cheek. He didn't wanna check down there and risk harming him further. He'd let them do it at the hospital.

Phil cursed again when he got no answer. "Come on, Adam. We're going to the hospital. Stay with me. Please, keep awake for me." Phil talked to him as he wrapped Adam up in the sheets and carried him out of the room.

-xx-

Jeff looked up at Randy as the younger man walked through the door. Randy smirked arrogantly, strutting to the living room. "Hi, babe. Miss me?"

Jeff regarded him carefully. "Where'd you go? Why're you in such a happy mood?"

Randy rocked back on his feet as Jeff came close to him. Then Jeff stopped, a frown forming on his face. Something was off. Randy smelled different. Jeff sniffed him, breathing him in deeply. Jeff's heart skipped. A dreadful feeling washed over him. Oh, hell no. No, it couldn't be...

Jeff stepped back and swallowed. His cologne, his shampoo... It was overwhelming. "Why do you smell like him? Why do I smell him on you? I can smell him on you. Why didn't you try to wash it off you? I'd know that smell anywhere, Randy. Why do you fucking smell like Adam?"

-xx-

Phil got Adam to the hospital as fast as he could. They got him back quickly and now Phil sat waiting in the lobby for the okay to go back.

Matt and Chris were the first to arrive. The older Hardy looked shaken and his eyes were wide. "Where is he? Is he okay? Who did this to him?"

"Calm down, Matt. He's.. he's been raped. They fucking raped and beat him and I.. I let him go off by himself, goddammit." Phil tugged at his hair, bouncing his knees as he sat in the uncomfortable hospital chair.

"Did Adam say who did this?" Matt persisted, words couldn't describe the fury he felt right now toward whoever could..

"Yeah. He told me who done it on the way here."

"Did he get a description?" Chris asked.

"Didn't have to. I know who done it. We know them." Phil said seriously, looking up and glaring daggers at the poor wall.

"Who, Phil?"

"I'm not gonna tell you."

Matt sat down sideways in the chair. "Why not? I need to know. I have a right, that's one of my best friends in there, Phil."

"Cause I know you'll go kill him and I can't have you in jail right now."

"Who fucking did this?" Matt ground out through clinched teeth.

"Promise me you won't do anything."

"I make no fucking promises, Phil."

"Randy Orton and Mike Mizanin."

Matt's blood ran cold. "You're serious?" His eyes seemed darker.

Phil nodded. "I got Adam to agree to a rape-kit. He knows who did it. These fuckers won't get away with it."

Phil didn't get to finish before Matt got up and stormed out.

"Dammit, Matt, don't fucking do something you'll regret!"

"I won't regret it!" He stopped Chris as the blonde tried to follow. "You stay with Phil and be here for Adam."

"Matty, please.. Jeff.."

"Is with the fucker." He finished for him. "Randy has no fucking idea what he's stepped in." Matt turned and walked out. Leaving Chris and Phil to watch after him.

-xx-

"Why do you smell like him, Randy? Don't play dumb. I was with him for 6 years. I'd know Adam's scent anywhere.. What'd you.. What'd you do, Randy? Tell me." Jeff demanded. He felt nauseous.

"It's nothing, baby. I just took care of a little something. That's all. Adam's out of my way." Randy shrugged like it was nothing.

"Your way?" Jeff asked confused.

"Huh?" Randy blinked.

"You said 'Adam's out of my way'."

Randy shook his head. "Our way. Adam's out of our way."

"That's not what the fuck you said."

"Hey, don't tell me what I did or didn't say. I'm not gonna take your shit, Jeff."

"What did you do, Randy? I need to know."

Randy had his hands in the pockets of his jacket, holding the sides of it in front of him. "I got the little bimbo out of my system."

"What the fuck does that mean? What did you do to Adam? Did you fucking hurt him?" His heart pounded. He felt dizzy.

Randy smirked. "He fucking enjoyed it."

Jeff squinted his eyes. "Enjoyed it? Oh, god no. You didn't.." Jeff jerked Randy's hands away, his eyes landing on the dark red stains on his jeans that had to be blood. Jeff swallowed and backed away. His expression blank, eyes gleaming. He couldn't believe this shit right now.

"Had the bitch screaming my name." Randy boasted.

_'Randy, stop.. please.. Randy.. oh, god please..' _He still heard him. Still felt the warm blood coating his dick.

Jeff ran his hands over his face. "You're sick."

"He wanted it."

Jeff shook his head. "No.. Adam wouldn't.. you.. you're fucking sick... This wasn't part.."

"C'mon, Jeff.. don't act like we were monogamous or anything. You're the one who's commitment phobic."

"That's not the fucking point, you asshole! Don't turn this shit around on me! Us playing around is one thing! Mike was one fucking thing! But you had to go out and rape Ad... rape my ex? What the fucking hell is wrong with you? You were supposed to leave him alone!" Jeff shouted, shoving him.

Randy grabbed Jeff's wrists and shook him. "Don't fucking start with me, Jeff! This is your own damn fault in the first place! Don't fucking act like you give a damn about him now. This shit is on you." He pushed Jeff away.

Jeff was silently seething. He looked down and back up. "You know what, Randy? You're right. It is my fault. I had Adam. Adam was mine. And I had to fuck that up with you and believe your shit! I let you make me think I couldn't take care of him!" Jeff shook his head. "Uh-uh... not anymore.." He muttered to himself.

"What the fuck is your problem, Jeff?"

"You. You're my fucking problem. Get out." Jeff glared at him, pointing at the door.

Randy rolled his eyes and exhaled. "I think you need to calm down, okay."

"No! You're fucking sick. You go out and rape my ex, come home smelling like him.. what the fuck are you trying to prove?"

"Jeff? You're acting crazy."

"I want you to get the fuck out."

"Jeff, come on."

Jeff put his hands over his ears, pulling at his hair in the process. "Get out." He said through clinched teeth.

"This is ridiculous."

"Get out! Get out! Get out! Get out! Get out!" Jeff screamed angrily.

-xx-

Jeff sat alone on the couch. The room dark. He tried calling Adam, but he got voicemail so he didn't say anything. He felt terrible. Guilty. How could he have let this happen? Of course he didn't believe Randy about Adam wanting it. He knew Randy was a heartless prick. He didn't know why it took him this long to break up with him and get rid of him. So many reasons. The first reasons and Randy's reasons and the shit Randy would tell Jeff he'd do if he left him. Hurt him. Hurt Adam. Or something. Jeff stayed with Randy in the long run to protect Adam. But he'd failed so badly. Adam would never willingly fuck Randy. Jeff knew he couldn't. He knew Adam in and out. Adam wouldn't even do it to get back at Jeff, which was another thing Randy shot back with as he left.

_"He just did it to get back at you, you know. Fucked me to hurt you."_

_"You're delusional. Get the fuck out now."_

Randy had once claimed that Jeff knew he wanted Adam and Jeff had taken him right from out under him. Jeff had sold his soul to the fucker.. After awhile, he thought Randy just forgot about it. It was old news. But Jeff had been thinking about leaving the asshole anyway. Mike was the breaking point. Jeff didn't want to be his whore too. Jeff guessed Randy didn't like that none. Oh, god.. it was his fault.

The sudden sound of the door nearly being busted open made him jump.

Matt came in and flipped on the light, ignoring Jeff's blood-shot eyes as he looked around. Matt was seething. Matt was pissed and Jeff could guess why.

"Where is he, Jeff? Where the fuck is he at?"

"Matty.." Jeff whimpered, sniffling.

"Don't give me bullshit, Jeff! I want to know where the hell you're hiding your little boyfriend at!" Matt checked the bedrooms and the bathroom. "Where's he at?"

"Not here." Jeff sobbed quietly. His heart hurt at the thought that Matt thought he'd hide Randy after he did something like that to Adam. But maybe he had a right to. He'd let shit get too far and he couldn't take it back.

"I'm going to find him, Jeff. And when I do, I'm going to fucking kill him." Matt growled from the other room and Jeff heard the sound of racks scraping on the metal bar in the closet as Matt shoved them aside, growling and cursing when he found no Orton. "Your little boyfriend is fucking dead. Y'hear me, Jeff? I'm going to kill the fucker with my bare hands.. Do you know what he did, Jeff? The fucker attacked Adam in your old apartment. He was waiting on him! He forced himself on Adam."

Jeff listened, crying a little harder.

Matt came out, dissatisfied that he couldn't find Randy Orton or Mike Mizanin anywhere. "Not that you care though, right?"

"Shut up, Matt!"

"Where's Randy?"

"Not here! I know, okay! I know! I threw him out. I didn't know what else to do... me and Randy are done.."

Matt watched his brother as Jeff pulled at his hair. His face wet from tears.

"I'm so sorry.." He gasped. "Addy.." Another gasp. "I'm so sorry.." Jeff folded his arms over his knees, leaning forward to bury his face in them as he cried. "I'm sorry..."

-xx-

Phil sat beside Adam, stroking his hair as the blonde slept. The everything of the day had died down and Adam was going to be okay physically. His lip was cut but didn't require stitches. Bruises would heal fine. He wasn't stabbed or shot or anything like Phil had initially feared. He didn't lose that much blood. Adam required two stitches to repair the rip in his rectum. Of course the doctor warned against heavy lifting, prescribed stool softeners and warned against any sexual activity for a sometime while he healed. But naturally the doctors or Phil didn't think it'd be a long while till he was ready for that. It depended on Adam if that would even be a future possibility and how badly it affected Adam emotionally.

A rape-kit was done, DNA collected, which thankfully the sick fucks left a lot of evidence, and statements were collected by the police. Phil was sure the apartment would be looked over for more evidence. Phil hoped they just caught the assholes and there was enough to convict them and send them away. And if not, then him and Matt, Jay and Chris were going to find them and it wasn't going to be pretty. Phil wanted nothing more than to get his hands on Orton. The more he thought about how the fucker had hurt Adam, the madder he got. Jay had assured him that he needed to be here with Adam. Jay, Matt and Chris were combing the streets for Randy and Mike. They even told Hunter to keep a look out at Night 13 and have Cena and Batista on hand to get them. Phil rested with the knowledge that Randy and Mike were not getting away with this one way or another.

Matt had called and told him Jeff knew and kicked Randy out and claimed he had nothing to do with it at all or knew about it prior to Randy coming home smelling like Adam with stains on his jeans. Phil could care less. Let Jeff rot. Jeff had caused Adam and Matt both so much pain it wasn't funny.

The important thing was that Adam was fine. Adam was going to be fine. Phil would make sure of it. And now Phil sat there, holding Adam's hand and petting his hair as Adam slept soundly. They had gave him something to put him out.

"I'm so sorry, Adam.. I failed you. I should have never.." He sighed and kissed Adam's fingers. "Never let you go off alone. I should've stayed with you. It's all my fault." He rested his head on the bed beside Adam, he hadn't even realized he'd started crying.

_**'Maybe there's a God above,  
But all I ever learned from love  
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you.  
It's not a cry you can hear at night,  
It's not somebody who's seen the light,  
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah..'**_

* * *

**Ugh, I'm trying. I had so many notes & after the rape, some didn't seem to fit. I didn't know it was going to be /that/ brutal.. & certain things changed from the notes. Randy isn't stable. Maybe his or Jeff's reasons make sense or not. & the above rant, ugh. I'm just tired of being told that "I can't see Adam as a bottom, or a nice guy," or "During a certain time Adam could not have bottomed". Srsly, why does this matter? I see & love Adam as a bottom & there's others who do too. He fits in that role perfectly. Period. & to the some of you that see Adam topping Cena, Randy, Jay & Miz & shit, wtf are you on? I don't SEE that at all, but you can't see Adam as a bottom, so.. hu'uh. & also, I don't review fics where Adam rapes a helpless Cena (gags) & ask 'why the hell do you come up w/ such awful shit?', even if I disagree w/ it. So, why do I get comments on why I bottom Adam & that it's strange? & yeah, I'm still bitter on being the one to get called out on Adam bottoming to Jeff during that fucking time. It's even in fics like this that I gave them Jeff being fucking double-teamed by Miz & Randy & it still wasn't good enuff. Jeff actually hasn't topped anyone in this fic! There's some out there that hate their tops/bottoms methods being questioned to the length that they call the person questioning it a "gay basher" & that fucking sucks. Well, stop fucking questioning what I do w/ Adam. I'm sorry (not really) to anyone that can't see Adam as a bottom. But I hate that you can only see him as a top (or an evil rapist asshole). & plz, concentrate more on the fic than the rant, you've heard it all before from me. No one listens anyhow.  
**


End file.
